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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all. I'm a regular member of this site, but have been away for a couple of months due to a change in employment status.
Let me first give you a brief history of my marriage-then and now.
We got married six months ago, and are very open and honest with each other. We share things and aren't selfish with each other. We know passwords, friends, etc-we leave our cell phones out in the open and don't hide anything.
Well, that's how I viewed things.
In the beginning of our marriage, my husband was in barber school, so he had no income. That was fine, because I was working full time temporarily (i'm disabled, so eventually I was going to have to quit my job). Well, instead of having to quit, they layed me off-so I have unemployment income in addition to my disability income-and child support.
My husband graduated around Thanksgiving, and began working as a barber. The only bank accounts we have were initially mine until I added his name to them, and he manages our money quite efficiently. The problem I'm having is that my money is an open book because he can see it online, whereas his money is nowhere to be seen because he get's paid in cash. I'm having an issue with that because I feel that I should know how much money he has, too, since we share my money. I know he just started working and makes just enough to pay booth rent and a little extra for the little nic-knacs like bus fair, beer, etc.
Lately, though, I've been feeling resentful. It seems that he's always questioning the accounts and how much I spend at the store, etc...but I can't question him because I have no idea what he has.
Am I being petty? I'm wondering how other couples handle bank accounts, finances, shared bills, etc.
Please give me feedback. He knows somethings wrong with me, but I don't want to go into it with him if I'm wrong for feeling this way.
Please give me your feedback. Thanks
 

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Hi MrsLV,
Sorry I don't have advise but a question on your feelings. I'm in the same situation except I'm the one who checks the account. My longterm boyfriend and I share a bank account that was orginally mine. I have online access and I use to constantly ask him what he bought here, if I saw a resturant purchase question who he had lunch with etc. It has started arguements. I still tend to do this sometimes. I'm the one who makes more money and I belive it bothers him inside.
My question is would you rather your husband not question you at all? or if you could would you like to see what he spends the money on?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, I know he isn't making much money because he just started and has to build up his clientale-but my problem is that my money is tracked and his isn't. All I spend money on is bills and groceries and gas. But every penny counts, as we are not well off (yet). So my thing is, if he makes $300 that week and pays out $150 for booth rent, shouldn't the rest of the money be put into the bank account. We share my money, and my money is all direct deposits; but since he gets paid cash I can't see his money going into the pot. Don't get me wrong-sometimes he buys me things and sometimes he buys his self things...but I just feel a little slighted because i'm all visable and he's sort of invisible. I want us to be on level ground, even though I do make more money.
I guess in the past since I've been used for my money, the pain is still there. I don't think he'll ever do anything to hurt me. I don't think he's using me. I just want us to be 'equal' in all matters-and if my money can be seen all out in the open, then his should too.
Some couples have individual accounts and then they also have a house account-and I wonder if that's something we should do. I'm just afraid to confront him on this because I don't want to make him feel bad that he doesn't have as much as I do. I even feel funny saying "as much as I do" since I share my money with him-so it feels like in one pot there's "our money" then in another pot is "his money". I don't think that's fair at all.
 

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Mostly it depends on the couple. My wife and I have been happily maried for 10 years and we have never shared an account (well once for a really short time until things bounced once then that was it.) The point is with us we simply divide the bills. Depending on who makes what percentage of the money is who pays what percentage of the bills. We adjust from time to time depending on the amounts we make and what bills we have. But since I have bills a,b,c, and the wife has d,e,f,g,h we know who needs to do what and we each have our own spending money too. I would not say that it would work for everyone but we each tend to have 25% of our own money after our set of bills are paid.

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Draconis,
But are both of you aware of how much the other makes, or is that not important?
For instance (and this is not the case with us), if you made $5,000 per month and she made $2,000 per month-would both of you know that the other makes that amount and then decide on the bills that you are going to pay from that; being that you make $5,000 and she only $2,000, would you pay the bulk of the bills or would it still be that you pay a,b,and c and she pay d,e,f,and g?
 

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Say I made 100 and her 50
Say our bills where 10,15,25,30,40
I might pay the 10,30 and 40 bill every month and she would pay the 15,25

I would be paying 80% and so would she. I would have 20 for myself and her 10.

If either worked overtime the extra money would be theirs alone.

Now that is the easiest example. I make about 80% of what she makes and pay almost equal on the bills. But it works for us. She also has a better chance at overtime then I do, since I own my own store and can't work extra because my MD.

Both of us at times have also had part time jobs to get the extra things we wanted.

draconis
 

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My husband and I have a shared account and it's never really an issue of how much which one of us makes. I do all the bill paying and for the most part don't really pay too much attention to what he spends where. However, if his spending impacts our finances - causing an overdraft or something then we talk about it. He's only really got one "problem" with spending money. We talk about large purchases before they are made and make sure we can afford it.
 

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My personal experience is that money is the root of "most" evil.

My first marriage, I allowed my ex to control everything. My whole paycheck went into a joint account. I had no idea how much we had, and where it was going. All I know is how much money a week I made and that I had money for groceries and the kids. When things took a turn for the worst in our marriage, I found out that he had put us $75,000 in debt, he moved out, cashed in his generous retirement account and left me with nothing. I have dug myself out and I am doing okay.

However, me and my boyfriend of 4 years keep everything separate. He pays his bills, I pay my bills. He lives in my house, so I do not ask him for mortgage money, but I do ask that he help with the utilities, and groceries.

My advice would be to set up a house account, and your own account. You would be responsible for putting a percentage of your money in the house account as would he. As what Draconis suggested. The rest is yours, either to save or spend.

Good Luck MrsLV
 

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I currently dont work, so no money goes into the account. I'm a student and a stay at home wife. It works for us because my hubby is Navy. Well when we got married I opened my own account. Got my own card etc. His account became our joint account. I can see what is put in there and what he spends, and 300.00 of it each pay check goes into my account, which with that I get groceries, gas for my car, emergancies and any "outings" we have. His pays bills and pretty much thats all we have enough for. He can't see my account, but he knows I will tell him whatever I buy. Mainlly its stuff for him. We have this level of trust in our marriage, and it works for us. I agree every couple is different. I think you should both, sit down and not be judgemental(not saying you are) and discuss it! Set up a financial plan and stick to it. Communication is the key here. Hope this helps and hope things work out for you.
 
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