Talk About Marriage banner
81 - 100 of 128 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,760 Posts
The play by play:

She’s posted self proclaimed “truly scandalous” pics of herself on fb.

She knows people think she’s hot because they respond with fire emojis

she has received creepy comments and has had to put a warning in her page that she doesn’t want them. (Ha! I disagree, she wants)

Her husband is embarrassed and jealous and ashamed, yet she plays mental gymnastics and tries to make it seem (her word) scandalous pics she posts are only for “likes”.

Its only a matter of time before she labels him insecure and controlling. Or those words have likely already been used toward him.


Thus brings to mind the “baby’s got her blue jeans on” song.

she can’t help it if she’s made that way
She’s not to blame if they look her wayyyyy
She’s not really tryin to cause a scene
It just comes naturallyyyyyyy, naw the girl can’t help it….

Welk in this case, the OP may be hot as hell, but she is to blame in this case, abd us trying to cause a scene.

OP, looking good is its own reward. There’s not a hot woman in the world that doesn’t get special treatment everywhere she goes. Isn’t that enough? Why do you need all the likes?
Believe me, people notice. You don’t need to bring it to their attention.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,207 Posts
@Tabithag23

Just to clarify:

The pictures themselves aren't bad. Good for you on your fitness achievements.

What's bad is defying your partner's request that some behavior stop. It doesn't matter what the behavior is -- posting pictures, dying your hair, communicating with an EX, going to strip clubs, watching porn, substance abuse, etc. -- when somebody you love tells you that a particular behavior is undermining the relationship & hurting your partner, out of love & respect for the partner you curtail whatever you are doing as a show of good faith.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Discussion Starter · #83 ·
When you are married or in a committed relationship being sexy for your mate is a good thing. Putting it out there to attract lots of attention from everyone else is crossing a boundary. On some level it reads like you are attention seeking. I say that to be mean but to make you think. Good for you that you train hard & have a good figure. Why isn't that enough? Why do you need the external validation & the price of your husband being upset by your behavior? Do you not understand that while you view this as harmless, he views it as disrespectful? To him you are shouting to the whole world that he's not good enough & you are fishing for somebody better. I am not saying you are doing that but a part of him feels that you are; it's disrespectful.

It's not that your husband's opinion on the subject is more valuable then your opinion. It's that you didn't give his POV any weight. He has told you he doesn't like it & it hurts him. Yet you continue to post. You are intentionally hurting him after he asked you to stop. Why would you do that to someone you love? If he told you he didn't like chicken would you continuously serve chicken for dinner every night?

If you like the photography / artistry aspects of the pictures, make a private album that only you & DH can see. Stop using social media. Problem solved
Yes! This! 100% helpful, thank you. I replied to a lot of points you brought up from other comments but I wanna reply to you too.

so I’m very liberal(socially! Not talking politics) and I feel that sex appeal is art. I think a beautiful body (photo, painting, sculpture, yarn) in a museum or gallery is the same as a tasteful picture posted online. It’s moving, it inspires, you know, art. (To be clear, I have maybe 300 followers and get roughly 50 likes on my SEXIEST pics so I stay pretty humble) That being said, they do make my husband uncomfortable for many reasons and since this post we compromised and I took down the scandalous ones, even though I’m proud of them. He agreed that his gym pics and showing off pics on his profile are okay so mine are too. And we agreed that he would see any gross DMs I get before I delete and block.

Sexuality is beautiful and deserves to be celebrated and admired respectfully not just jacked off to. But if my hubby isn’t quite there yet I’m gunna practice patience and if I’m wrong and not ahead of my time then I got a delicious chicken dinner to cook as an apology 😋
Much love!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,220 Posts
Agreed! 100% expecting more conversations about sex appeal with him. He was raised and still is very traditional and conservative and I’m a very out there, don’t follow the pack, be you, hippie dippy type.. But I think consistency and a level of stability is important too. It’s important to figure out together what to keep and what to toss away when you marry your opposite. And never give up or settle for less than you deserve from each other. ☮ ten years strong in a few months, and I love every grey hair I gave him.
Ok. Problem solved. Good job.

Any other issues non pictures related relationship problems? (Would benefit from a new thread, but your choice).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,207 Posts
(To be clear, I have maybe 300 followers and get roughly 50 likes on my SEXIEST pics so I stay pretty humble)
Herein is another consideration / potential problem. You have "followers" not friends. These people looking at your posts are strangers.

Yes it get the museum art analogy & agree that the human form can be art. Perhaps in 100 years when you are dead & some anthropologist is pouring over all the social medium posts you will be art but right now It's making DH squirm.

I think after this thread you are getting a better sense of his position & you have demonstrated a willingness to compromise so keep on talking to him. Eventually you should be able to find a middle ground that works for you both but it will be few pictures / posts than you like but more than he wants.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
210 Posts
It’s adapted over time, but after nine years of fighting about it, he thinks people I know that he doesn’t (military friends or ex coworkers) will see me and try to weasel me away from him. We had that experience recently and he thinks some of my pics gave him incentive. the friend is no longer a friend.
Well, this 'experience' was not instructive to you? What lesson you could draw from it?

How you choose to carry yourself on social media (and in Public), actually matters.

If you are posting photos which capture your happy family moments on social media, you might receive a lot of LIKES for these photos as well. It depends upon how big is your social circle and/or group of followers on social media platform(s). It is NOT difficult for you to expand your total count of followers on social media - not for women in general. You just need to be active and post engaging contents from time-to-time.

If you are posting your revealing photos on social media, you might receive even more LIKES for these contents but the catch is that you will draw unwanted attention as well. Some men might try to flirt with you in this case. This is typical reaction of [some] men to women who are "exhibitionists."

Social media is NOT your private space - it is social space which facilitates contact between people. Your activities on social media will determine how other people will see you (and judge you), or your intentions.

He also said that seeing comments with the fire symbol or anything like that make him irritated. Like, a “that’s MY wife” vibe
He is embarrassed about what his family thinks of me. (Since posting this thread, we deleted pics that were truly scandalous and I agreed not to take more like it)

it really irks me the way women(especially) and men are expected to shy away from strutting their stuff because “that’s what single people do”
Nope, “vain” people do it too. Actors and actresses do it(for free, not just for money), it is more rewarding than “hey sexy, nice ass. Wanna meet?sends picture of penis That isn’t the goal at all. We hate that.
Attention and validation of other people can be exciting experience, and could make you feel better; I get the feeling.

But do you want to draw unwanted attention from other people as well? The kind of attention (and reactions) that might create more drama in your personal life? It can be helpful to be balanced in your online activities, therefore.

You can choose to post some cool pics on social media but you should also try to demonstrate to other people through your activities that you are married and have boundaries. Solution is simple: do not be graphic in your photos. And show your husband in your photos more often.

Many women like to take selfies; my wife do this as well. But she is reserved on social media. She does NOT want to draw unwanted attention from other people. I have posted some photos but they are NOT revealing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,585 Posts
It’s not just about him, though. When you spend a lot of time seeking validation of others (that’s the whole point of garnering likes) you’re missing the present moment. There’s that running joke “that workout/trip/vacation/accomplishment didn’t happen if you’re not posting it on social media.” lol

I used to spend a lot of time on FB and over time, it just caused me to not really be “present.” I was always thinking of the next thing I’d be posting, and missing the actual moment. So my advice is a little different in that yes, you should care about what your husband thinks and respect him, but it’s also about working on enjoying your own accomplishments without feeling the urge to post about them on social media. Everything in moderation but maybe take a break for a week and see how you feel. You might find that you enjoy the moments more, when you’re not posting them on social media. Just some food for thought. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,601 Posts
No it doesn't. Here it's posting pictures but of the other behaviors I described that one spouse may want to do but the other objects, how is the behavior the important part, @In Absentia ?
You were talking in general terms about behaviours. What if he doesn't like her eating cakes? Some requests can be unreasonable. Is it ok to respect your partner's request if the request is unreasonable to you? Who is not respecting whom? He posts his pictures showing his muscles. It's double standards. Typical of a controlling male.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
916 Posts
no I like getting likes, I just put in parenthesis that gross comments and messages were not welcomed.
This is one of those things that you either get or you don't. And you don't.

It's not enough for you to just be proud of any physical gains you've made (muscle). Nope. You have to post it on social media wearing sexy clothes so you can get "likes".

You've been conditioned like a Pavlov dog to get a dopamine hit from these "likes" and so much so it doesn't matter if it makes your husband uncomfortable. Because it's ALL ABOUT YOU!!

And who cares if others do it. What are you a teenager. Pretty pathetic to need validation from others. What happens when the muscle disappears and the looks fade? By what means will you resort to in order to get the "likes" you so desperately need?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,207 Posts
You were talking in general terms about behaviours. What if he doesn't like her eating cakes? Some requests can be unreasonable. Is it ok to respect your partner's request if the request is unreasonable to you? Who is not respecting whom? He posts his pictures showing his muscles. It's double standards. Typical of a controlling male.
Even if it's unreasonable it merits discussion. If he doesn't like her eating cakes maybe she can eat fewer cakes or not in his presence. If I'm dieting I really don't want cakes in my house or to see DH eating them. Trivial yes but Hangry people are not always rational
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,220 Posts
@Tabithag23

Just to clarify:

The pictures themselves aren't bad. Good for you on your fitness achievements.

What's bad is defying your partner's request that some behavior stop. It doesn't matter what the behavior is -- posting pictures, dying your hair, communicating with an EX, going to strip clubs, watching porn, substance abuse, etc. -- when somebody you love tells you that a particular behavior is undermining the relationship & hurting your partner, out of love & respect for the partner you curtail whatever you are doing as a show of good faith.
Now that depends.
If someone told me to stop going fishing we'd have to reevaluate our whole situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,601 Posts
Even if it's unreasonable it merits discussion. If he doesn't like her eating cakes maybe she can eat fewer cakes or not in his presence. If I'm dieting I really don't want cakes in my house or to see DH eating them. Trivial yes but Hangry people are not always rational
What's reasonable to one person can be unreasonable to another. That's why it's important to find a partner on the same wavelength as you. I wouldn't be having this conversation with my wife after 10 years of marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,220 Posts
Stop fishing altogether = bad. Go fishing less often & spend more time with me (your SO) = something you really need to work on to foster a good relationship.
Pfft. I've already got the magic balance. After 38 yrs we've mapped that out.

Best times are when I take her fishing and we all enjoy being one with nature. A routine happening btw! 😁😁😁
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,220 Posts
Yes! This! 100% helpful, thank you. I replied to a lot of points you brought up from other comments but I wanna reply to you too.

so I’m very liberal(socially! Not talking politics) and I feel that sex appeal is art. I think a beautiful body (photo, painting, sculpture, yarn) in a museum or gallery is the same as a tasteful picture posted online. It’s moving, it inspires, you know, art. (To be clear, I have maybe 300 followers and get roughly 50 likes on my SEXIEST pics so I stay pretty humble) That being said, they do make my husband uncomfortable for many reasons and since this post we compromised and I took down the scandalous ones, even though I’m proud of them. He agreed that his gym pics and showing off pics on his profile are okay so mine are too. And we agreed that he would see any gross DMs I get before I delete and block.

Sexuality is beautiful and deserves to be celebrated and admired respectfully not just jacked off to. But if my hubby isn’t quite there yet I’m gunna practice patience and if I’m wrong and not ahead of my time then I got a delicious chicken dinner to cook as an apology 😋
Much love!
Does H check out other women's hot pictures on similar sites or porn?

If ok for you to post for others, he has every right to be an other, viewing their racy photos.
 
81 - 100 of 128 Posts
Top