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change is so important! I was 18 and he was 30 when we got married. THANK GOODNESS I changed since then. I care deeply about how he feels, I signed up to a marriage forum and get to read awful crap from strangers but I can sift through it and find some good insight because it’s worth it to me. Yes, some men might try to get with me. But I’m not feeble minded? You know, I can defend myself against unwanted messages. I think the bottom line is I trust him and he doesn’t trust me. Which would require a professional unfortunately this free forum can’t help with that 😅
You are not showing him he can trust you because of your desire for male attention.
 

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Lol, idk they have access to porn? You’d be
wasting your lotion and Kleenex on my profile, you could go watch all the rapey videos with fake orgasms and perfectly bleached butts you want there!
As far as some men are concerned, porn isn't what they want. "Sexy social media pictures" is their particular Jones.
 

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Discussion Starter · #64 ·
Given that you have discussed this topic at great length with your husband, what's your understanding of why he feels it's disrespectful to him as your husband - and which denotes to your marriage?
It’s adapted over time, but after nine years of fighting about it, he thinks people I know that he doesn’t (military friends or ex coworkers) will see me and try to weasel me away from him. We had that experience recently and he thinks some of my pics gave him incentive. the friend is no longer a friend.
He also said that seeing comments with the fire symbol or anything like that make him irritated. Like, a “that’s MY wife” vibe
He is embarrassed about what his family thinks of me. (Since posting this thread, we deleted pics that were truly scandalous and I agreed not to take more like it)

it really irks me the way women(especially) and men are expected to shy away from strutting their stuff because “that’s what single people do”
Nope, “vain” people do it too. Actors and actresses do it(for free, not just for money), it is more rewarding than “hey sexy, nice ass. Wanna meet?sends picture of penis That isn’t the goal at all. We hate that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
As far as some men are concerned, porn isn't what they want. "Sexy social media pictures" is their particular Jones.
that is not my target audience. In fact I know parents who don’t post pictures of their children because predators will do the same thing with those photos. I understand the fear.
 

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It’s adapted over time, but after nine years of fighting about it, he thinks people I know that he doesn’t (military friends or ex coworkers) will see me and try to weasel me away from him. We had that experience recently and he thinks some of my pics gave him incentive. the friend is no longer a friend.
He also said that seeing comments with the fire symbol or anything like that make him irritated. Like, a “that’s MY wife” vibe
He is embarrassed about what his family thinks of me. (Since posting this thread, we deleted pics that were truly scandalous and I agreed not to take more like it)

it really irks me the way women(especially) and men are expected to shy away from strutting their stuff because “that’s what single people do”
Nope, “vain” people do it too. Actors and actresses do it(for free, not just for money), it is more rewarding than “hey sexy, nice ass. Wanna meet?sends picture of penis That isn’t the goal at all. We hate that.
Most married people understand that posting such pictures on social media isnt healthy for a marriage. Seeking male attention apart from your husband isn't wise.
 

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Discussion Starter · #69 ·
Why would you want men, other than your husband, viewing you as a sexy woman? Is that a turn on for you? If you’ve worked hard for your body, you should appreciate that. I’m sure your husband does. Why does the rest of the world need to know? Does it make you feel better? Confident people are secure. They don’t need “likes” from strangers on social media.
I agree, my confidence would be pretty easy to shatter if likes were needed. They are not. I like likes, I don’t need them. And the pics aren’t too confirm that other men think I’m attractive that’s a consequence most of the time. The pics are an update and a way to share my current mood, my joy, how I feel about myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
Yes but I suspect you read them anyway? Why is getting likes so important to you. If you had a healthy self esteem you honestly wouldnt need them.
I disagree because studies show that getting likes can be similar to a high regardless of content. I don’t post pics without planning the angle, the lighting, the pose, I use live mode on my phone in case someone blinks so I can choose a different frame. I REALLY like taking pictures. Getting likes isn’t about self esteem, it’s recognition on a small scale of course. I’m not a photographer.
Yes but I suspect you read them anyway? Why is getting likes so important to you. If you had a healthy self esteem you honestly wouldnt need them.
 

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The summary answer if there's a real question somewhere might be summarized as if that works for you two overall, ok no worries, you know it won't go completely smooth but what does. So carry on!
 

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When you are married or in a committed relationship being sexy for your mate is a good thing. Putting it out there to attract lots of attention from everyone else is crossing a boundary. On some level it reads like you are attention seeking. I say that not to be mean but to make you think. Good for you that you train hard & have a good figure. Why isn't that enough? Why do you need the external validation at the price of your husband being upset by your behavior? Do you not understand that while you view this as harmless, he views it as disrespectful? To him you are shouting to the whole world that he's not good enough & you are fishing for somebody better. I am not saying you are doing that but a part of him feels that you are; it's disrespectful.

It's not that your husband's opinion on the subject is more valuable then your opinion. It's that you didn't give his POV any weight. He has told you he doesn't like it & it hurts him. Yet you continue to post. You are intentionally hurting him after he asked you to stop. Why would you do that to someone you love? If he told you he didn't like chicken would you continuously serve chicken for dinner every night?

If you like the photography / artistry aspects of the pictures, make a private album that only you & DH can see. Stop using social media. Problem solved
 

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I disagree because studies show that getting likes can be similar to a high regardless of content. I don’t post pics without planning the angle, the lighting, the pose, I use live mode on my phone in case someone blinks so I can choose a different frame. I REALLY like taking pictures. Getting likes isn’t about self esteem, it’s recognition on a small scale of course. I’m not a photographer.
Yet what you post shows that you are seeking likes for the way you look. If it was just for photography then why not just post pictures of sunsets and beautiful scenery. Its all about you seeking likes for how you look and that says to those looking that you need that to feel good about yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #77 ·
The summary answer if there's a real question somewhere might be summarized as if that works for you two overall, ok no worries, you know it won't go completely smooth but what does. So carry on!
Agreed! 100% expecting more conversations about sex appeal with him. He was raised and still is very traditional and conservative and I’m a very out there, don’t follow the pack, be you, hippie dippy type.. But I think consistency and a level of stability is important too. It’s important to figure out together what to keep and what to toss away when you marry your opposite. And never give up or settle for less than you deserve from each other. ☮ ten years strong in a few months, and I love every grey hair I gave him.
 

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Women get unwanted attention from men no matter what unfortunately, I’m not signaling to anyone and it’s obvious. My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs, I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort! Times are changing, women are not putting on makeup and cute clothes for men anymore. I’m not referring to thirst traps, Pictures that are sexual. I’m referring to pictures that display your beauty/youth/health/style.. it’s okay to show the world (my profile is private so only friends, family, and the occasional creeps that get deleted as soon as they do creepy stuff) that you’re feeling yourself and confident. My husband posts pictures of himself looking good too. Showing his muscles, jumping rope in the gym. What’s the difference?
I’m just going to say this:
If you’re posting pictures of you in a bathing suit on fb, I think you’re fishing.
So does your husband.
If he’s posting “workout” photos showing his muscles and such, he is fishing too.
Fishing for:
Opposite sex interest
Ego kibbles

it’s one of the two.

Now that’s just my opinion.

You are wanting to show off your body.
My question for you is: WHY?
 

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My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs,

I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort!

Times are changing, women are not putting on makeup and cute clothes for men anymore.
OP could you clarify what you're showing and who your audience is limited to? Is your profile public?

You say these pics are for friends and family, but then mention you've removed the truly scandalous ones, and that you block DMs that are creepy.

You've been fighting over THIS with your husband for years? Knowingly, slowly eroding your marriage to make a point?

You're thinking about you, and you're thinking about principle, but you're not thinking about the effects on your marriage.
 

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My gym posts pictures all the time. I have lots of older video, pictures, etc… of me boxing, lifting heavy stuff, doing jump rope tricks, flag football, basketball, etc…. I have even made a couple myself of training for boxing. I like the old boxing ones because it reminds me I used to be fast, especially my jab, but even slipping punches. Footage from today looks terrible.

There are women in my gym who compete in professional bikini contests and stuff and of course they post pictures of those contests. It’s their sport, they’re bodybuilders and they are proud of their sport and want validation they’re doing something good (they are). It’s also very difficult with all the diet and workouts they do to look like that.

With that said, if your partner asks you to stop posting what is the point of continuing to post? That would drain all the energy right out of it.
 
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