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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
Why is it disrespectful? Because he is uncomfortable with it. Would you be comfortable if he were sliding into DMs of other women? To him, posting those pictures is equivalent.

Here are some things to think about from a man's point of view.

Sexy pictures are thirst traps. To men seeing those pictures you're advertising you are available. You aren't available, and your sexuality is for your husband not thirsty strangers. Be honest, what are your DMs like? If your husband read them how would he react?

You are a married woman. Sexy thirst trap posts are something single women do. As a married woman, to your man your social presence is representing your family and your marriage. Do you post respectful family pictures on the same feed?

At the end of the day, social media is about brand management. Your brand now should be happily married woman, not thirst trap hottie.
I really appreciate the time you took to provide some real perspective.
My brand isn’t thirst trap hottie and never has been. It’s adventurous, athletic, creative. I don’t shake my butt or jiggle my boobs. When my husband met me I wore clothes and makeup that made me happy and still does. I reject advances just like I did before we met. It seems like a huge part of being married is proving to everyone you’re loyal and devoted. Why can’t I just do what makes me happy and be loyal and devoted.
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
It's disrespectful because it makes your husband uncomfortable and it bothers him. That's it in a nutshell ... you either respect your husband or you flaunt your body online. Frankly, I don't get it. If your husband thinks you have a smokin' hot body, who gives a crap what a bunch of other people out in cyberspace think?
A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
Fear can be conquered and overcome
People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.

so no, making my husband uncomfortable is not disrespectful. And Vise Versa. Thoughtful actions, compromise, honesty, and patience is key, not blind obedience.
 

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I know I’m sexy, I don’t need validation. It’s a state of mind that comes and goes. But these pictures show photography skills, they show new muscles I didn’t have before, they show a stylish outfit that we picked out together. What’s so scary about some of the viewers only caring about it being a sexy woman?
If you mischaracterize your husband the way you just did with this poster, I can truly understand why your husband has a problem with it.

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A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
Fear can be conquered and overcome
People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.

so no, making my husband uncomfortable is not disrespectful. And Vise Versa. Thoughtful actions, compromise, honesty, and patience is key, not blind obedience.
Just be sure to update us when you guys divorce over this. I hope it was worth it to you.
 

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A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
Fear can be conquered and overcome
People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.

so no, making my husband uncomfortable is not disrespectful. And Vise Versa. Thoughtful actions, compromise, honesty, and patience is key, not blind obedience.
The reasons you disagree could also be applied to you if you decided not to post the photos. You may experience personal growth, conquering fear, and get comfortable to not post the photos... that is, extending beyond the photos yet growing as a partner within your marriage.

Whether it be your example of posting photos or some other thing, there's typically micro-decisions alongside bigger decisions that contribute to the shaping of the dynamic of a marriage. That does not mean some kind of blind obedience. There may be things that your husband may do in the future that at some point makes you uncomfortable, and then it's how you navigate those scenarios together as a couple. Again, it's not blind obedience. Individually we can choose to do whatever we like. However, it's naive to not consider there's consequences to the marriage. And there can be missed opportunities for growth if we also don't get out of our own way sometimes.

When my husband and I were going through a rocky patch years back, I was offered a music gig. I didn't seek it out. That music-related hobby was how we met and then I kind of outgrew it. Or so I thought. The notion of a residency gig reignited the thought to pursue it. When I shared with my husband about the idea of accepting the gig, his reaction was not positive. He succinctly raised why he wasn't down with me doing late nights at a bar, and which I rebutted it wasn't about those concerns of his and was about the music, to which he responded essentially 'you do you but that's not conducive to married life with me'. Okay. Stylus-across-the-record moment. Given we weren't in the best of places, it would have been 'easy' to have stubbornly disregarded his stance. And not a particularly emotionally mature way to handle things either. I had a choice and reflected. The idea of the gig did not hold that much weight for me. Life with him and protecting our marriage did (does). An easy choice to make. No regrets. There was no blind obedience. I had a choice; as did he. We've been navigating this relationship-stuff together for 27 years. I feel blessed not only to know him but to be sharing our lives. Moments happen. Decisions and priorities are made and no doubt adjusted along the way. If you want to prioritize the 'freedom' to post photos as you want, just know that it has a price. Or rather, the attitude towards your marriage likely will. Whether now or down the track.
 

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Nope, nope, nope.

Men see you as advertising yourself.

But you knew that when you posted said sexy pics.

And when one is married, both partners should not do things that make thei partner uncomfortable.

Forget this topic ( your suggestive sexy pics), lets say one spouse is spending too much time with an opposite sex friend. If their partner says that makes her/him uncomfotable then they need to stop seeing that person.

It's the principle I'm getting at here, not a specific example.

Why would you knowingly and intentionally do something that makes your partner uncomfortable?
 

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A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
So if he pushes boundaries more and more, starting texting other women... then dating other women, it's good for personal growth?

Fear can be conquered and overcome
People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.
Sure, and if both partners are happy, all the better, but you are cutting him out of the equation.

so no, making my husband uncomfortable is not disrespectful. And Vise Versa. Thoughtful actions, compromise, honesty, and patience is key, not blind obedience.
You don't get to determine what is disrespectful to him or not. He does.
How about he just checks out a woman walking past you in public, whistles and what not. And then tells you it's not disrespectful?
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Ah, this young generation and social media. I feel badly for my kids who are going to have rough times with relationships.

OP is an affair waiting to happen
Social media is not the problem, OP is just selfish and only GAF about herself regardless of her husband's feelings, just my opinion anyway. No offense OP but I say it as it is.
 

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Hi Diana, it’s important for me to understand his perspective. I liked the picture but he doesn’t, why is his opinion more valid?
Nothing wrong with you liking a photo, it's when you seek attention and likes on social media for it that the problems start. Why not get a couple printed out and framed and have them in your house?It's not that he doesn't like the picture, he just doesn't like you using it to get attention frim others.
You are seeking the 'likes' to make you feel better about yourself, otherwise you wouldn't need to do it.

If I saw a photo like yours on social media I would deliberately not 'like' it because I don't think it's a good idea to encourage this longing for constant validation. Sadly you get the usual awful comments such as ' you are looking great babe', or 'go for it sexy girl' and the like. I would love it if women didn't feel they needed to validated by doing this. It's really sad actually.

If you care about your husband and marriage why do it? If my husband asked me not to do something like this and was clearly unhappy about it I would stop immediately because he is far more important than 'likes' on social media. You say you are not looking for comments, I suspect you are, as well as the likes.
 

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Social media is not the problem, OP is just selfish and only GAF about herself regardless of her husband's feelings, just my opinion anyway. No offense OP but I say it as it is.
I won't blame OP entirely, I think it's a cultural shift. While OP came here and didn't find much support for her side, if she takes her story elsewhere, a lot of people will just call her husband controlling and insecure. I'm old enough that I remember a time when someone of the opposite sex wouldn't dare call your house to speak with you. Now we are at the point where married people post sexy pics online for other men to openly flirt with and it's culturally encouraged.
 

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I know I’m sexy, I don’t need validation. It’s a state of mind that comes and goes. But these pictures show photography skills, they show new muscles I didn’t have before, they show a stylish outfit that we picked out together. What’s so scary about some of the viewers only caring about it being a sexy woman?
The thing is that you DO need validation otherwise why would you do it. If you know you are sexy and your husband thinks you are sexy then why the need for the likes? Be thankful for what you have and respect your husband.
Take it from an older lady, stop doing it if you value your husband and marriage.
 

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I won't blame OP entirely, I think it's a cultural shift. While OP came here and didn't find much support for her side, if she takes her story elsewhere, a lot of people will just call her husband controlling and insecure. I'm old enough that I remember a time when someone of the opposite sex wouldn't dare call your house to speak with you. Now we are at the point where married people post sexy pics online for other men to openly flirt with and it's culturally encouraged.
Just whether people work as a team or not for me.

Some men get off on their trophy wives. Obviously OPs husband isn't one of them lol

It just takes two.
 

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Just whether people work as a team or not for me.

Some men get off on their trophy wives. Obviously OPs husband isn't one of them lol

It just takes two.
I think a lot of men take pride in knowing their partner is attractive, I know I do. I still wouldn't want her posting sexy pics all over the internet because she was obviously addicted to the attention from other people.
 

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I wouldn't have a problem with it. Tell your husband to get out of the cave and enter the 21st century.
I think you are in the minority. Would you really want a wife who is desperate for likes and comments from other men to make her feel good about herself? Many things in the 21st century are very damaging and harmful and this is one of them. People who are so affected by how they are seen on social media that it deeply affects their life. I think its sad and pretty pathetic actually.
 
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