Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi I'm new to the forum. I'm looking for some advice.

I've been married for 8yrs (together 12yrs). My husband is 8yrs older than me. When we were in our 20's the age difference wasn't a problem. However now he can't seem to keep up in the bedroom. I want it much more than him. When we do actually do it he has performance issues more times than not. We've tried Viagra and it helps but he still runs out of steam (he's not in the greatest of shape). I can do all the work all the time but its not a turn on if its like that all the time.

Its becoming a real problem for me. I try not to show it but I'm so
frustrated. Any suggestions would be helpful?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,811 Posts
I'd look at high blood pressire as a cause of erectile problems. They have been linked. A high weight could cause the high blood pressure.

Additionally, getting him to trying to drop some weight is also a good idea.

Really though, a couple of things are missing from your post. How often do you want it/get it, and does your husband want to fix things?

If he wants to fix things, something will improve. But that will has to be there too, you can't fix him on your own.

Also, maybe try to do something different in the bedroom? Does he have any interests, desires, fantasies?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
He wants things to work. He feels bad when he has performance issues. I've tried different things in the bedroom such as watching videos with him, dressing up for him, etc.

I want to get it two to three times a week. I don't think its too much to ask. I'm getting once every other week, if there aren't issues. He gets embarrassed talking about what he wants in the bed.

I'm working with him to get off the extra pounds. No high blood pressure though. I'm trying to get him to eat better.

Just feel like I'm doing a lot of the work in the bedroom. I'm just not sure what else I can do so that I'm not frustrated in the bedroom.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,512 Posts
If he is over weight that will cause issues.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
I don't have any advice really but your not alone. My hubby is 15 years older. He's happy to let me do all the work but doesn't initiate. ((((hugs))))). I totally understand your frustration.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,811 Posts
He wants things to work. He feels bad when he has performance issues. I've tried different things in the bedroom such as watching videos with him, dressing up for him, etc.

I want to get it two to three times a week. I don't think its too much to ask. I'm getting once every other week, if there aren't issues. He gets embarrassed talking about what he wants in the bed.

I'm working with him to get off the extra pounds. No high blood pressure though. I'm trying to get him to eat better.

Just feel like I'm doing a lot of the work in the bedroom. I'm just not sure what else I can do so that I'm not frustrated in the bedroom.
You say he does want to things to work, yet you're doing a lot of the work. That doesn't sound like he wants things to work. He has to put in the effort too, just simply wanting something doesn't make it happen or we'd all be lottery winners living in the Carribean.

If he acknowledges that this is a problem, ask him what he's willing to do to make it better and then be sure he follows up on those possibilities.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,720 Posts
How old is he now?

Eating right will help, but does he exercise? That will make more difference that eating because it builds stamina.
We both started going to the gym (including weight training) primarily to improve in the bedroom. It really helps, it's not that and for what we want out of it (better sex) it doesn't even take that much time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,301 Posts
It sounds to me as though his health is the biggest issue you're facing. Eating right and exercising will definately help with sexual performance.

There are a lot of misnomers out there over what constitutes healthy eating these days. Look for credible up to date sources of information. The idea is not to starve yourself. The idea is to eat higher nutrient, lower calorie food to give your body what it needs without leaving you hungry. Most North Americans consume the opposite, high calorie low nutrient diets so it takes some effort to make this change.

With exercise you really need to find something you enjoy so you will stick with it. It's always difficult at first but once you get past the initial hurdle you'll reach the point where you don't feel right when you miss a workout. Also, get instruction on good form and spend the money on proper equipment to increase comfort and lower the liklihood of injury.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Thanks for the posts. I've talked to him more about losing weight to help in the bed room. He said he will work on it. I suggested we work out together too, so we will see if he sticks with it. He will be 41 soon and I'm 32. He thinks some of it is age difference. Is this normal for a man in his early 40's?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,720 Posts
Define normal. Around 40 is when it started getting somewhat harder for me physically, and my W is 6 years older than I am. Gym, some creativity with positions and may be some pillows can help.

I reread, you have 3 issues? He "can't keep up", "performance issues", and "not a turn on if" you do all the work. One is for the gym but two you need to talk about and work on (ie have more sex, possibly not so great in the short term). You say you try not to show your frustration, but likely you do, that's why you need to talk, or else it will get worse. Been there, done that. Good luck.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
296 Posts
Aside from the advises here about health issues that he is having which unfortunately affecting the intimacy I would also suggest asking him exactly what " turns him on " ?? Yes you've been together for a dozen years but why not be blunt and find out ?? Some things may not necessarily be in the open ?!

Not sure if this would answer the issue but if and when there is intamcy at least you and he will enjoy : )
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,301 Posts
Thanks for the posts. I've talked to him more about losing weight to help in the bed room. He said he will work on it. I suggested we work out together too, so we will see if he sticks with it. He will be 41 soon and I'm 32. He thinks some of it is age difference. Is this normal for a man in his early 40's?
I've heard men's testosterone starts declining in their early thirties but very gradually. A healthy man in his early forties shouldn't have any issues. If arteries are blocked or restricted I don't know that fitness alone will correct it. You probably need medical advice on that issue. It will definately help with the energy and stamina though. 41 is way to young to be starting to slow down.
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top