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Hello everyone please bare with me, I'm a 22 years old male in college about to graduate, I never had sex before, and I've been dating a girl from my department for about 5 months and we decided to get married in about 8 months, we agreed that we shall have sex as soon as we get married, the problem is I've an erection almost all the time when she's around me, which leads to so much pain down there, I can't even walk straight! so, some people told me that I need to masturbate to get the " extra load " out, so some sexual content from the internet, porn or whatever could help me to do the job, but another problem showed which is I'm not getting an erection at all, my erection comes only when she's around..
Is this normal? is there anything I could do? I'm facing this pain everyday! and do I've any kind of sexual problem since I'm not getting turned on by porn?
Thank you, and sorry for the long post.
 

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Don't marry this poor girl until you get yourself straightened out. If you know that you have sexual issues before you're married, and you agree that a healthy sex life is an important aspect of marriage, don't make your problem your girlfriend's as well.

I know you have a different philosphy than I do. I think people should make sure they are sexually compatible before getting married.

The idea of making a lifelong committment to someone without knowing if you're sexually compatible seems overly naive and idealistic to me.

Consider that.

Most importantly, make sure you're sexually normal before your problem becomes hers. She deserves a happy life.

At 22 years old, I would have thought you would have been masterbating for at least eight years. You have never masterbated before?
 

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Surely you masterbate , yeah, that is my question


Does your GF show any longing/ Lust / hot & heavy desire towards you ? Does she want to touch you, do you talk about sex , the upcoming marriage bed ?? If she has no desire to touch you & be touched, I would fear like crazy she is very LOW DRIVE ...and/ or sexually repressed and -besides your own issues, you 2 may have some real struggles after the vows.... just saying.

I'd suggest some HANDS ON....a little intimacy before the vows... you can still wait for intercourse....

Me & my then BF/now husband touched each other - me to relieve his raging erections, I don't think anything could have stopped us from going there, it was like a magnet to steel ....even though we felt "DIRTY" doing it -due to our religious beliefs to remain pure before the wedding..... somehow we blew that off....our consciences didn't see the big deal really. At least we both KNEW we were easily orgasmic... it kept him from seeking porn after I left & me going stark raving mad & we still had something NEW to bring to our wedding night .

Just a thought --if you insist on waiting... although I do find it rather odd that looking at naked women doesn't turn you on -no matter how in love you are. That is not the normal situation by any means....for the majority of young men. Overloads of testosterone simply make men want to gaze upon the female form with delight. In this way, must be a religious hang up - though I am sure your girlfriend would find it very sweet . Still is odd though.
 

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I think people should make sure they are sexually compatible before getting married.
100% this.

Sex isn't a big issue in a marriage...until it becomes a big issue for someone in the marriage. Then it's the biggest problem a marriage can have. Studies say that financial issues is the biggest cause of divorce, but I bet it's actually sex related issues, just some people are to embarrassed to admit that publicly. If you aren't sexually compatible with your wife, you are in for a really problematic relationship. That's a terrible thing to find out AFTER you've said 'I do.'
 
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Unless there are religious prohibitions in play here, I would definitely take care of your erection and spend some time getting to understand your own sexuality before you get involved too deeply with anyone else.

I know the pain of getting an ill-timed erection around someone you are in love with. I still have that problem now and I'm over 50. I know that I simply can't think straight until I take the physical pressure off.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Ok people, first of all thank you so much.
2nd, I do masturbate since I was 12, it's no biggie, but being "sexually compatible "? trust me I'd love to have sex with her but we just want it to be special, she's the only female that could turn me on!
 

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Before you see her, if you know when you are getting together, take time and masturbate, thinking and fantasizing about her. If you get a lot of that tension OUT before she is with you, then perhaps you won't get hard when she's around, as much.

Does she know that you become erect when she's around or do you hide it from her, as if you even could hide it?
 

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Ok people, first of all thank you so much.
2nd, I do masturbate since I was 12, it's no biggie, but being "sexually compatible "? trust me I'd love to have sex with her but we just want it to be special, she's the only female that could turn me on!
I don't think you understand what 'sexually compatible' means.

At the very leas, I hope the both of you have several long, very in-depth conversations on sex, your wants, needs, and desires.

Sexually compatible isn't just about sticking Rod A into Slot B and going at it. It's also about meeting each others needs, wants and desires. If you end up wanting/needing sex 2x a week and she thinks once a month is good enough for her, so it should be for you as well, that's a big problem. You'll be getting sex once for every eight times you actually crave it. You don't think over years of this it won't cause some level of building resentment? If not, read some of the posters on this board. Heck, PM me and I'll tell you my story. I'm divorced and while I'll never say it was solely due to sex, I will say that if our sex life had been remotely compatible, it would have helped to keep the relationship more positive during our moments of stress and maybe wouldn't have caused so many other issues as well.

What happens if you want to try different things down the road, such as oral, role play, lingerie and doggy-style, stuff that is really pretty basic compared to some of the other stuff out there, yet she tells you it missionary position or nothing? Are you going to be happy with that? What if after you have a child she tells you that she's no longer 'in the mood' and that if you are that's 'your problem'?

These things happen A LOT. These types of stories are found all over these boards. And plenty of other issues as well. The 'we were sooooo in love before we got married, I just figured it'd stay that way' line has been posted 10,000 times on these boards I'd wager, and each by a man/woman who swore they were fine and didn't have to worry about being 'sexually compatible.'

Sex isn't like most other things in a marriage. If you need some more money, you can borrow some or get a part-time job. If you are down and needing a boost, you can go out with friends or your family. There's alternatives to your wife. But when it comes to sex, if you can't get your needs met with her, you are SOL. It's either stay in that situation and be unhappy, have an affair (and get rightfully lambasted by society/family/friends) or get a divorce.

Being sexually compatible is a very important part of being married. I know. If you don't think it's important in your case, I hope you are right and I wish you well. I wouldn't wish a life of sexual frustration on anyone.
 
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Waiting so it can be special... How sweet. How romantic.

Anytime you're with someone you love it is special.

Why would you two be so feckless, reckless, foolhardy, and negligent with your choice of marriage partner? There are millions of people here that naively thought it was romantic or "right" to save themself for marriage so it would be special. Now they're one year into marriage and they find out their dream girl or guy is grossed out by oral sex, or some story like that.

Being sexually compatible is extremely important. She may seem like your dreamgirl now, but two nights after the wedding if you find out she thinks everything you like is gross, you'll be thinking, "what have I done?"

At this point though, it seems more likely that it will be her thinking, "what have I done?" if it turns out you have major sexual hang-ups.

At this point, from your first post, it seems like you might have something unusual going on sexually.

Perma-rection whenever you're with you girlfriend? Can't stand up when she's with you? Can't satisfy yourself to porn when you're alone? Can't get it up when you're alone? Seems odd to me.

Maybe you should have another conversation with your girlfriend now. Perhaps suggest that you both perform oral sex on each other before you get married and you can still have your special moment of vaginal sex on your wedding night.

At least you may get a hint about your dream girl's attitude about oral sex.

You're both very young, by the way. You have only been dating for five months and you're only 22. Why are you thinking about getting married at such a young age? Is it just to have sex? ...Oh boy...

I will never burden my children with this dogma. I want my kids to have every possibility of having a sexually healthy marriage. Learning about and having some experience in sex before marriage is probably the best way to maximize your chances of making sure you select a marriage partner that is not only a good person, but also a good lover.

If you get married in eight months, I'd bet you'll be back on these threads in nine months re-reading this thread. You'll finally understand, too late, that this was pretty sage advice.

kingsuckgosens :ezpi_wink1:
 

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I liked the above for both the post, and the subtle dig at my Kings. Normally I'd agree they suck, but, well, that shiny trophy they have right now begs to differ ;)
 
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From my experiences, even though DW and I were sexually compatible when dating, things did changed after marriage and childbirths. It takes efforts and compromises to stay happily married.
Being not sexually compatible only makes for an uphill battle.
 
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