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Discussion Starter #81
Kissing - is a big thing. And this tight lip behavior was a strong signal from your wife - to you.

Why have you not asked her about this issue which is now four years in the making?

Answer. Asked her many times, she doesnt answer, moves her face away with tightly closing the lips.

It is a bad sign (statistically) when a married person (man or woman) invests a lot of effort into making themselves more attractive, but clearly lacks desire for their partner. Sometimes this is simply a pre departure training regime so they can hit the ground running in their post divorce dating activities.

Answer. Its Puzzling, thats why I came here to seek answers, as she wont go to a therapist with me. The forum has also pointed many things which i also need to introspect. But still unclear ... abt major issues.

I have no idea whether your wife is or is not faithful to you. I will say that I find it odd that you are so certain that she is faithful given that in the modern world - people have lunch breaks and can use those however they wish.

1. You appear to be afraid to ask her basic questions such as - why don’t you kiss me like you used to?
Answer. No answer mostly, once she answered she finds wet. *now mouths cants be dry in french kiss / or intense smooch.

2. Why have you lost your desire for me?
Answer. Asked many times, no concrete answer... usually.. that I am a pervert.

3. Do you want me to be more rough when we have sex?
Answer. For Rough Sex .. She must first atleast to have sex... its tremendous task to make it possible. With clothes on too much of roughness is not possible. Poses needs to be changed. Fore play, spanking .... the way she does sex by fingering ... technically its not possible.

4. Are you turned off or resentful of the fact that you make more money than I do?
Answer. I am turned off for earning more or less. This might affect her but not me. As I believe for a businessman ... financial ground is ever-changing and ups and downs are reality to admit. Out of experience, In india 2 types of women are difficult to handle - a. financially independent b. women who are does not have any brains of there own and are governed by there mothers and sisters on how to behave in marital home.

If you wish to fix your sex life you need to overcome your fear of having a painful conversation with your wife, which means overcoming your fear of her. In my experience, the avoidance of these type questions has a single root cause - fear. And generally speaking, a fearsome partner, is not attracted to their fearful spouse.

Answer. You are correct, In India, Dominating men who can keep things straight with there terror at home have very obedient wives. Or Financially Dominant men also have very obedient wives. Exceptions are there. If you given equality at home in India, in majority of cases power tussle begins, where both spouses are earning. Its difficult to find balanced houses. Thats why the divorce rates are going very high in India now days. But there are good women too, who are not affected with this all this, its family values and type of education plays a big role. (All above is general discussion, not specific to my case). If I talk about my case, Fear is not issue. I would suggest, she thinks more herself more intelligent, multi tasker, much self aware. and might be considering me as foolish person than fearful. Many times she wants to dominate many things but i have created a balance for this.

One last thing. In most cases - trying to jam yourself into your partners calendar for X number of hours a week in the vain hope of getting laid more often - is extremely counterproductive. If your wife felt ignored or deprioritized, you would almost certainly know that by now.


Answer. Getting laid down with me is last on her priority list. I cant survive mentally if i am not getting laid down once or twice a week. She survives, I have never counted days .. but even after 10-20 days i have never seen her that eagerness in her to get laid down. As I told in previous posts laid down or sex .. is not the rite words... for past many years.. she wants to be fingered first and have orgasm with clothes on (Masturbating type). She isnt concerned about quality sex.
 

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Discussion Starter #82
Look up touch aversion... and a few other psych or neuro issues.

Here's the thing. You're fighting culture and likely FOO, or family of origin. And someone who's in mommy mode or worker mode but not in PARTNER mode.

Answer. 100% Correct ... She is not in Partner Mode. Very nicely to have defined.

Take it from someone who understands Desi culture... She needs positive role models of intimacy and she ain't getting them. So to her it's a chore. After a while at least.

I'd look for an Indian or Asian PhD or PsyD level therapist and propose counseling. Or else. Else is up for grabs btw. I would not hold much hope but regardless...

Keep in mind that like a lot of women from these places they value earning potential. And hard work. And status. And, FML, even if you have all those you're still screwed because she'd think you don't work hard enough..

Answer. 100% Correct ... I am more of a foolish guy for her. Very nicely to have defined.

Bottom line from my 35 years of marriage (D - 15 days to single status) to someone from a similar culture and mindset, I would not hold my breath.



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With great difficulty and Tact, Today I was able to gather few inputs from my wife, which i am already aware of and need improvement from my side. List of Horrible things I do.

1. Violent (The Recent Incident, in a span of 7-8 years when i got frustrated out of waiting and planning for sex).
2. Abusive at Times (Abused her 2-3 times in a span of 7-8 years for not having sex with me, after I had planned/waited in bed and I got a frustration burst).
3. Financially not strong.
4. Once we fought at time of first child was born, 4 years back.
5. Pervert
6. Takes less care of kids.
7. Porn Addict
8. Too touchy
9. Careless
10. Stupid

I am not justifying by violence or abuse, Its wrong I know. Its very very bad. And its not regular, it happens in 3-4 years ...
But all this happened in frustration, helplessness, me not in control of emotions or sexual drive.
Otherwise I am usually peaceful and humorous as per others.
 

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With great difficulty and Tact, Today I was able to gather few inputs from my wife, which i am already aware of and need improvement from my side. List of Horrible things I do.

1. Violent (The Recent Incident, in a span of 7-8 years when i got frustrated out of waiting and planning for sex).
2. Abusive at Times (Abused her 2-3 times in a span of 7-8 years for not having sex with me, after I had planned/waited in bed and I got a frustration burst).
3. Financially not strong.
4. Once we fought at time of first child was born, 4 years back.
5. Pervert
6. Takes less care of kids.
7. Porn Addict
8. Too touchy
9. Careless
10. Stupid

I am not justifying by violence or abuse, Its wrong I know. Its very very bad. And its not regular, it happens in 3-4 years ...
But all this happened in frustration, helplessness, me not in control of emotions or sexual drive.
Otherwise I am usually peaceful and humorous as per others.
Did you get the books?

What she gave you is her list of love busters. You have to take these seriously.

Now, I'm sure that you also have things that are your love busters... things that she does that bust your love for her. You have listed some of them on this thread.

I really wish you would get the book "Love Busters" and read it because it will tell you what to do with all this info. It's too much for anyone to be able to do in the format of a forum like this.
 

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How about just dropping a bomb ........ make your intentions known that you are headed for divorce .... give her the divorce papers.

She then might be ready to listen .... and the two of you can have a REAL discussion about your relationship as HUSBAND and WIFE.

It's a bit harsh .... but effective
 

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How about just dropping a bomb ........ make your intentions known that you are headed for divorce .... give her the divorce papers.



She then might be ready to listen .... and the two of you can have a REAL discussion about your relationship as HUSBAND and WIFE.



It's a bit harsh .... but effective
That may work as a threat and not as a long term strategy. Indian women tend to have a large social circle comprised of other Indian women, and being the only divorced person in the group isn't desirable. But if she feels forced it's not workable.

I've known well over a hundred, maybe hundred and fifty Indian couples and 1 divorce. And that lady was certified BSC. Good friend tho .



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I'm equally sure of the reason and it isn't because she had a premonition that he was going to hit her in 2 years.
Mr. nail, you've been on TAM a long time. There's always more to the story.

The OP posted he spoke with his wife and she mentioned "1. Violent (The Recent Incident, in a span of 7-8 years when i got frustrated out of waiting and planning for sex). 2. Abusive at Times (Abused her 2-3 times in a span of 7-8 years for not having sex with me, after I had planned/waited in bed and I got a frustration burst)". It didn't surprise me reading #2. Physical violence is usually just the tip of the iceberg in cases of marital abuse. Spousal abuse usually starts off as verbal and/or emotional then gradually escalates to physical which seems to be the case here.

It's also a testament to the OP's personality how he INSISTS on blaming his wife for the abuse. That, more than anything, tells me everything I need to know. No, his wife didn't have a premonition he was going to hit her but I'll bet you my last dollar his "blame the victim" and entitlement mentality is not new and plays a big role on why she is sexually repulsed by him. I'm sure there are other things going on that do not help but taking responsibility for the abusive behaviors is generally something he can do relatively easily but as he's demonstrated time and time again on this thread, he can't. The question then becomes "Why?".


If he truly wishes to get to the bottom of why his wife finds him sexually repulsive, then he's going to have to drop the ego and take a really good hard look at himself. Self Awareness is step one. If he can in all honesty say "Yep, my side of the street is sparkly clean", only then can he start blaming his wife for her behavior towards him.
 

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Mr. nail, you've been on TAM a long time. There's always more to the story.

The OP posted he spoke with his wife and she mentioned "1. Violent (The Recent Incident, in a span of 7-8 years when i got frustrated out of waiting and planning for sex). 2. Abusive at Times (Abused her 2-3 times in a span of 7-8 years for not having sex with me, after I had planned/waited in bed and I got a frustration burst)". It didn't surprise me reading #2. Physical violence is usually just the tip of the iceberg in cases of marital abuse. Spousal abuse usually starts off as verbal and/or emotional then gradually escalates to physical which seems to be the case here.

It's also a testament to the OP's personality how he INSISTS on blaming his wife for the abuse. That, more than anything, tells me everything I need to know. No, his wife didn't have a premonition he was going to hit her but I'll bet you my last dollar his "blame the victim" and entitlement mentality is not new and plays a big role on why she is sexually repulsed by him. I'm sure there are other things going on that do not help but taking responsibility for the abusive behaviors is generally something he can do relatively easily but as he's demonstrated time and time again on this thread, he can't. The question then becomes "Why?".
It is like reading the history of abuse across the ages. He "abused" her 2-3 times in 7 years. Um, I am thinking not. Those are just the times he actually hit her.


EA: I feel very bad for your wife.
 

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This is such a sad thread.

How do you teach an adult man social skills when none were properly presented to him as a youth?

How do you teach a man to dance when he has no rhythm?
As he has heard no music?

How do you tell a man loaded with testosterone to sing and dance for his supper, to partake of his respite, doing it ever so slowly?
Telling him to eat in an orderly fashion, first lift the drink, then do the clinking of glasses, then nibbling on the appetizer, then the chewing of bland salad.

He, still hungry, to eat the now cold roll when it is meat that he desires.
And the meat? What is its flavor, its 'doneness' state, if he cannot place his taste buds upon it?

Finally, telling him to start in on the main course when his eyes are focused only on the dessert.

How do you tell a man to eat his supper when it runs from his mouth, where the server will not permit his drinking of water or the wine?

How is he to eat the meat, when his fork is rejected?
Oh, and yet the fork cannot find a soft spot to penetrate?

Social skills are needed to dine in the city.
Yay, in the jungle where he once lived….. these were never taught, he never learned.

Yay, some men cannot learn when lessons were so offered.
These both, they both go hungry.
Their testosterone goes bad, no...mad.





[The Helmsman]- King Brian
 

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It is like reading the history of abuse across the ages. He "abused" her 2-3 times in 7 years. Um, I am thinking not. Those are just the times he actually hit her.


EA: I feel very bad for your wife.
Ah...Yes.

At times like this, reading this, I wish to just lay down, never to awake from this nightmare called 'Courting'.

Sigh.





[THM]- The Martian
 

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Discussion Starter #92
Mr. nail, you've been on TAM a long time. There's always more to the story.

The OP posted he spoke with his wife and she mentioned "1. Violent (The Recent Incident, in a span of 7-8 years when i got frustrated out of waiting and planning for sex). 2. Abusive at Times (Abused her 2-3 times in a span of 7-8 years for not having sex with me, after I had planned/waited in bed and I got a frustration burst)". It didn't surprise me reading #2. Physical violence is usually just the tip of the iceberg in cases of marital abuse. Spousal abuse usually starts off as verbal and/or emotional then gradually escalates to physical which seems to be the case here.

It's also a testament to the OP's personality how he INSISTS on blaming his wife for the abuse. That, more than anything, tells me everything I need to know. No, his wife didn't have a premonition he was going to hit her but I'll bet you my last dollar his "blame the victim" and entitlement mentality is not new and plays a big role on why she is sexually repulsed by him. I'm sure there are other things going on that do not help but taking responsibility for the abusive behaviors is generally something he can do relatively easily but as he's demonstrated time and time again on this thread, he can't. The question then becomes "Why?".


If he truly wishes to get to the bottom of why his wife finds him sexually repulsive, then he's going to have to drop the ego and take a really good hard look at himself. Self Awareness is step one. If he can in all honesty say "Yep, my side of the street is sparkly clean", only then can he start blaming his wife for her behavior towards him.

I am self aware and admitting to my sins and honestly discussing here, to fix the situation. I am no God.
I have flaws. I am not perfect. If you look at my thread, its Title is Sexual Inclination and focused more on
How I should i fix myself?

I wish to stop begging for sex, get rid of planning for sex, I do not wish to disturb my wife, I wish to get rid of watching porn because of lack of proper sex, I want to find out a way not to feel horny while sleeping with gorgeous wife, i want to give peace and be at peace. How do I finish Sex as my need, without making her realize, without cheating, without divorce, without ruining peace at home, without taking any medicine. I am not on 24X7 erection mode, i am not a rapist, I am not on Viagra, I am not a alcoholic or a smoker. I just want to kill my sexual desire so she doesnt come to know and feels i am a changed man. I want to kill stress which is created by my heart and mind to be romantic and sexual. I really want to become un-romantic.

Now plz dont again start criticizing me that i am a hitter and abuser, i want change myself about the attraction and affection which is generated towards my wife inside me. I had a love marriage. Now I want to kill the love and affection inside me.

I am sorry, i have been understood on the thread wrongly.
 

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Discussion Starter #93
It is like reading the history of abuse across the ages. He "abused" her 2-3 times in 7 years. Um, I am thinking not. Those are just the times he actually hit her.


EA: I feel very bad for your wife.
I am self aware and admitting to my sins and honestly discussing here, to fix the situation. I am no God.
I have flaws. I am not perfect. If you look at my thread, its Title is Sexual Inclination and focused more on
How I should i fix myself?

I wish to stop begging for sex, get rid of planning for sex, I do not wish to disturb my wife, I wish to get rid of watching porn because of lack of proper sex, I want to find out a way not to feel horny while sleeping with gorgeous wife, i want to give peace and be at peace. How do I finish Sex as my need, without making her realize, without cheating, without divorce, without ruining peace at home, without taking any medicine. I am not on 24X7 erection mode, i am not a rapist, I am not on Viagra, I am not a alcoholic or a smoker. I just want to kill my sexual desire so she doesnt come to know and feels i am a changed man. I want to kill stress which is created by my heart and mind to be romantic and sexual. I really want to become un-romantic.

Now plz dont again start criticizing me that i am a hitter and abuser, i want change myself about the attraction and affection which is generated towards my wife inside me. I had a love marriage. Now I want to kill the love and affection inside me.

I am sorry, i have been understood on the thread wrongly.
 

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But all this happened in frustration, helplessness, me not in control of emotions or sexual drive. Otherwise I am usually peaceful and humorous as per others.
LOL. Every abuser always has their 'but' to try to justify their behavior, don't they?

OP, in my opinion, I'm kind of amazed that your wife is still with you. You're always trying to 'lick her boobs' or push yourself on her every chance you get and pouting when she pushes you away. You paint this picture for us about you loving her OH so much and how it's ALL about how you miss her intimately and blah blah blah, but you go on about how you're eyeballing woman out in public and getting all horned out by them, then wanting to come home and be intimate with your wife - only because you just love her just SO much and need intimacy with her. :rolleyes:

She's completely turned off by you. More so, she doesn't want to be intimate with someone who justifies his occasional physical abuse of her by claiming victim-hood due to his ever-present high sex drive supposedly making you abuse her "out of helplessness and frustration."

Saying "I'm sorry" to her ain't enough, OP. It's just not enough - especially when you justify it.
 

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Sex stopped at the birth of child #2. The writing is on the wall.

Who couldn't be a better partner? OP needs to be aware that nothing he can or even should do is going to fix this. He can be a saint for the next 50 years and she will offer up clothed sex 3 times a year.
 

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I am self aware and admitting to my sins and honestly discussing here, to fix the situation. I am no God.
I have flaws. I am not perfect. If you look at my thread, its Title is Sexual Inclination and focused more on
How I should i fix myself?

I wish to stop begging for sex, get rid of planning for sex, I do not wish to disturb my wife, I wish to get rid of watching porn because of lack of proper sex, I want to find out a way not to feel horny while sleeping with gorgeous wife, i want to give peace and be at peace. How do I finish Sex as my need, without making her realize, without cheating, without divorce, without ruining peace at home, without taking any medicine. I am not on 24X7 erection mode, i am not a rapist, I am not on Viagra, I am not a alcoholic or a smoker. I just want to kill my sexual desire so she doesnt come to know and feels i am a changed man. I want to kill stress which is created by my heart and mind to be romantic and sexual. I really want to become un-romantic.

Now plz dont again start criticizing me that i am a hitter and abuser, i want change myself about the attraction and affection which is generated towards my wife inside me. I had a love marriage. Now I want to kill the love and affection inside me.

I am sorry, i have been understood on the thread wrongly.
Unfortunately for you, I think you have been understood quite correctly. But you don't want to be.
 

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I understand, my wife has long day and multi tasks a lot without much spare time. She goes to a Gym in the morning then to office and then returns in the evening and then we have dinner and make kids sleep. Then my wife is tired and sleepy by that time and refuses to have sex. So, I am mostly i am left to have sex on friday and saturday night. That too many times doesn't happen due to my wife being not agreeing, guests at home, we going out, her menstrual cycles, kids sleeping late or any other reason may arise."
Your wife seems to have too much on her plate. Her job is probably demanding, and she has no energy left to partake in sexual activity at the end of the day. However, she can make time for you in the weekends.

I try to push her lot for sex almost all the time because i am unable to make out when she will agree or when circumstances will allow. Recently she has slimmed down a lot too, making her further attractive. But she never allows me undress her or lick her boobs while having sex. She even does not allow me to put my hand under her t-shirt, she only maximum allows me to ass massage for some time. When I push her a lot, sometimes i ask her to open the door once she is done with her shower, she allows me lick her boobs for 3 seconds each. She never smooches and closes her mouth tightly if i try to (no bad breath issues with me, i am a clean nice guy).
Stop begging her for sex please - this is NOT sexy. Something is amiss here because you are unable to TURN your wife ON for reasons only she can explain, or you already know. Perhaps a long history of activities on your end which might have put her off?

Your wife seems to be conscious about her physical fitness which is GOOD FOR HER. But what about you? Do you go to gym? Do you exercise and/or have scheduled walks with her?

And your wife go to female-only gym or mixed-gym? If she go to female-only gym then you consider joining male-only gym. If she go to mixed-gym then consider joining it, or tell her to try female-only gym instead.

If joining a gym is difficult for you then consider buying an effective exercising machine for yourself to try at home. Elliptical trainer is good option.

Mostly when she agrees to have sex, she needs porn to get aroused most of the times. Then i finger her while she watches porn, once she gets bit aroused she hold my **** with her hand and moves it to-and-fro and then she gets an orgasms, then i do it in missionary position using a condom for my orgasm. I ejaculate fast because she has already done lot of to-and-fro by hand, so i get quick orgasm, which doesn't satisfy me or her too. Then she at times may ask me for another orgasm with fingers inside and tongue on her clit. She does does not make any noise or move much while doing this all, she also doesn't remove her top clothes while doing this. For me it feels slight better than self masturbating, still not very passionate. In my opinion we are doing it all wrong, but she refuses to change position or way or approaching it.
Oh dear! Your wife needs PORN to get aroused? She should be allowing you to AROUSE her instead. It seems that you two do not have a CHEMISTRY of any kind at present.

Stay away from PORN for the sake of your marriage if you wish to REBUILD chemistry with your wife. You need to have a GAME for her and PORN should not be a part of it. First step towards this end is to work to prioritize your own physical fitness since your wife is going to gym - being attractive is important (always).

And take a look at the list of my suggestions below.

She never gives blow jobs, but thats not much of a desire all the time. But sometimes I really need it, it feels wonderful if it happens, its feels like a man is being wanted and loved.
She never tells her desires.
Some women do not like giving blowjobs, and this part is not necessary to have decent sexual experience. A woman might love you, but still refuse to give you blowjobs. Just saying.

When I go out for work or markets and meet other same aged modern attractive women, it becomes very painful. My desire to have good sex with my wife further rises. I just admire other women visually, never try to get close or try to know them. When I have a attractive women at home and i feel good about it, i see no need in my life to flirt around. But yes ... the visuals definitely increase my craving for sex with my own wife.
This is normal feeling. It shows that you have feelings for your wife and desire her which is GOOD. However, the 'problem situation' in this case is that your wife is not into you at present, and how you would address this situation. Take a look at the list of my suggestions below.

But now I am fed up of constantly asking and begging for sex with my wife for past 2-3 years. I dont feel like going out at night, or inviting guests at night, or go for movie nights or anything which which may ruin my chances of having sex with her.
You have tried this approach and it doesn't work, so STOP.

REPEAT: Stop begging her for sex please - this is NOT sexy.

Many times I plan to move away from thinking about sex by not sleeping with her and sleeping in another room, and not disturbing her. But then i fear that may start a rift in family life. I love my kids and wife. I have a comfortable life cant spoil that.
She bear no consequences for denying you intimacy time and again, so why would she feel inclined to change? You need to figure out what you did wrong all along (and) what she did wrong all along - and make an effort to fix this dysfunctional dynamic for both. Take a look at the list of my suggestions below.

Many times i watch TV, Internet, spiritual stuff and try to fall asleep, but this doesn't help or actually feel good every day. So I get frustrated at times.
Many times I feel to go out to mountains and do photography and divert my mind, but that also is a difficult solution as she may feel offended by that, how can I holiday alone ... and she might become revengeful further driving it to a rift.
Are these your FEARS, or your wife have acted this way at some point when you planned a SOLO ENJOYMENT TRIP? You might have 'co-dependence' mindset?

You are not a slave, and can plan a solo enjoyment trip, but restrict this move to your city or nearby settlements. Not appropriate to leave your partner at home with kids while you go trekking in distant lands. When you plan this kind of trip, inform your wife in advance, and give her the option to contact you.

To divert my mind and energy, many times I feel to join a course or table tennis academy in the evening from 7 pm to 10 pm so that i get tired after playing, shower and dinner ... and then sleep. But that may again trigger a rift that I am not available when kids and she is at home for dinner.
Hire a nanny, honestly.

Or even better - take your kids with you in your TIME OUT from home if you can handle them on your own. Chances are that your wife might appreciate this move on your part. Being a loving father can make a lasting impression.

Many times I think, that i should find a **** buddy or extra marital affair, but that also ruins everything.. and is difficult because i am quite spiritual and one woman man.

Many times I try to talk horny and dirty with her (considering if she wants to fantasies of someone else than me) i talk about swapping, group sex, double penetrations, But that also didn't help either.
JUST STOP. Neither your begging behavior and nor these type of suggestions will FIX your MARITAL PROBLEMS, period. In fact, your wife might get the impression that you do not desire HER but SEX and/or even feel motivated to CHEAT ON YOU. Chances are that you will not enjoy sharing your wife with strangers either. Time to move away from PORN.

Another issue might be that she might not be finding me attractive anymore. Because to arouse her I need to show her bondage/bdsm/rough sex porn, she feels bored with slow blow job / passionate sex. She prefers cruel porn. Very rarely she has sex without that kind of cruel porn. Lot of times I tried to move away from porn and asked on focusing on each other, but with clothes on as she likes .. it doesn't work.
RED FLAG - Disturbing revelation.

Are you sure that your wife does not go out with her colleagues or friends at any point in time? Anything unusual? What kind of company she keeps? Do you and your wife have MUTUAL FRIENDS?

PORN needs to go in your case.

I silently passed 2-3 years by putting too much effort into all this for sex and had non passionate sex from her side. In the positions and way i described above. I couldnt discuss or revolt all this time, since i was partially financially dependent on her for a transaction. (She was paying for a transaction on 23 of every month and i use to return it by 9th of next month). If i revolted she always could have taken a revengeful attitude on that, resulting in problems in my business flow. But now financially things are better with me and I have gathered strength to discuss the issue, and does not have that much insecurity currently.
Does your wife INTIMIDATE you in a certain way? Does she feel uncomfortable with the prospects of sharing her income with you?

Emphasis mine. Me and my wife are like a TEAM in regards to managing our household expenses. What I earn, is for my wife and our child, and what my wife earns, is for me and our child. This is how things should be, in a good marriage.

My mother expired little before that year so i wanted to take aunt with for the first time to see my child, for some reason she didnt like that and we had a fight, then she fired so much on me that... and she took a kind of revenge that i did not take care of her. I was surprised and had fight with everyone at her place and came back. .... So this is for sure ... she keeps things in her heart to take revenge or blast at me later. At that time was I financially also puzzled. Till date she has the ability to fight on that incident ;-)
Problem # 1 spotted. You have a HISTORY which your wife deeply resents, and this is NOT GOOD for you and your marriage. Did you every try to apologize to your wife about this incident? Any closure in this regard?

Mostly she refuses for feeling sleepy or tired ... earlier she also had thyroid, but when i visited doctor with her. Doctor said this might be a reason too... but he should regular medicine will improve it. She is taking regular medicine ... she has become fitter .. but things on sexual front have become worst.
Problem # 2 spotted. The highlighted part could be one of the causes - decline in your wife's libido.

Are you aware of the potential side-effects of her medication in its present-form? Some medicines are known to NEGATIVELY AFFECT libido.

You should discuss this matter with the relevant doctor ASAP.

I am self aware and admitting to my sins and honestly discussing here, to fix the situation. I am no God.
I have flaws. I am not perfect. If you look at my thread, its Title is Sexual Inclination and focused more on
How I should i fix myself?

I wish to stop begging for sex, get rid of planning for sex, I do not wish to disturb my wife, I wish to get rid of watching porn because of lack of proper sex, I want to find out a way not to feel horny while sleeping with gorgeous wife, i want to give peace and be at peace. How do I finish Sex as my need, without making her realize, without cheating, without divorce, without ruining peace at home, without taking any medicine. I am not on 24X7 erection mode, i am not a rapist, I am not on Viagra, I am not a alcoholic or a smoker. I just want to kill my sexual desire so she doesnt come to know and feels i am a changed man. I want to kill stress which is created by my heart and mind to be romantic and sexual. I really want to become un-romantic.

Now plz dont again start criticizing me that i am a hitter and abuser, i want change myself about the attraction and affection which is generated towards my wife inside me. I had a love marriage. Now I want to kill the love and affection inside me.

I am sorry, i have been understood on the thread wrongly.
Problem # 3 spotted. You have a HISTORY of being abusive towards your wife, and THIS might have exacerbated her feelings of resentment towards you. Refer back to Problem # 1 above; your wife remembers.

Well, nobody is perfect so I give you this. And GOOD TO KNOW that you want to change your behavior to save your marriage - make this your GOAL from now on.

---

Following are my suggestions, based on your disclosures:-

1. You have a history of being violent with your wife and this is NOT OK. Being physical will not address your martial problems - you might have realized this by now. So do not repeat this mistake again.

2. Consult your wife's doctor about the potential side-effects of her medication in its present form. Inform the doctor that your wife is becoming FRIGID in the bedroom, and this a matter of grave concern to you. MEDICAL CAUSES of this problem should be addressed ASAP.

3. Since your wife is conscious about physical fitness, she might expect the same from you. You need to take your physical fitness seriously as well, for your OWN GOOD. Being attractive, is important to bolster intimacy.

4. Adopt some healthy part-time hobbies, and take your kids out on your own if you can handle them on your own.

5. Stop begging your wife for SEX time and again, and REMOVE PORN from the equation. You and your wife are FIXATED ON PORN instead of rebuilding your CHEMISTRY and this will not help. DROP THE PORN part please.

6. Revisit your 'communication' with your wife - what you say to her on a day-to-day basis. Talk to her about her work and if everything is OK in her work environment. Let her know that you feel something is OFF and this is bothering you. Ask her if she have any complaints about your behavior - she should let it out to you. Assure her that you will not feel offended if she have anything negative to say about you - this is really important.

Good communication skills can mitigate feelings of resentment in your partner, and improve your GAME on top.

Some pointers:-

[1] https://www.allprodad.com/10-common-communication-breakdowns-in-marriage/
[2] https://psychcentral.com/lib/marriage-communication-3-common-mistakes-and-how-to-fix-them/
[3] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201002/marriage-problems-how-communication-techniques-can-make

Above all:-



7. You need to consider and suggest SEX THERAPY to your wife (for both of you). This in addition to suggestion no. 2 above. However, address suggestion no. 2 FIRST.

8. If you have anger-related issues, then consider ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY for yourself before suggestion no. 7 above. You need to demonstrate through your actions that you will not be angry at your wife in relation to her COMPLAINTS if you want her to OPEN UP TO YOU. It is very very important for you to look for ways to MITIGATE your wife's feelings of RESENTMENT towards you; refer back to Problem # 1 and Problem # 3 respectively. Connected the dots for you.

Make an effort to rebuild your CHEMISTRY with your wife but stop badgering her over this matter. Revisit your communication methods and habits at home, and make it EASY for your wife to discuss her problems with you by assuring her that you will not be angry at her.

And it does not hurt to be vigilant and observant. Your wife's preference for BDSM type stuff is NOT HEALTHY. Keep an eye on her company and habits. Scores of members can give you pointers in this regard, and other forms of RED FLAG. But do not confront your wife over these matters yet - she might go DEFENSIVE. Just keep your eyes open. Beautiful women are known to receive lot of unnecessary attention from...

On a side note; your wife might be into BDSM PORN due to your behavior towards her - symptomatic. However, this is not concrete, and could be due to another factor. PORN itself can poison innocent minds.
 
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