"One thing you need to keep in mind when you read the posts here is that the first thing most people on this site will tell you is that your wife is cheating... it's the go-to diagnosis around here. Love them all but it's often not what's going on."One thing you need to keep in mind when you read the posts here is that the first thing most people on this site will tell you is that your wife is cheating... it's the go-to diagnosis around here. Love them all but it's often not what's going on.
To me it sounds like the two of you have allowed you relationship fade away. When this happens, women often lose their desire for sex. A couple needs to spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together, just the two of you, doing date-like things (quality time). If you don't do this, you get the kind of relationship you have.
Humans are chemical engines, meaning that everything in your body is run by chemicals. The chemicals/hormones dopamine, oxytocin and other feel-good bonding hormones are required to keep a couple bounded together. When you don't spend the 15 hours or more together in quality time, your brain steps down the amount of dopamine, oxytocin, etc. that is manufactured and uptake in your brain. You lose the attachment (what we call love and attraction). Women are more susceptible to this than men. Studies have shown that women whose oxytocin levels fall too low do not want to be touched, thus do not want sex.
The good news is that there is a way to rebuild your relationship, get the good hormones flowing and rebuild your relationship into one with strong passion.
There are two books that talk about how to do this. They are meant to be read in this order: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". First you read the Love busters book and you both stop doing the love busters that are killing your relationship. Then you both read the HN/HN book and do the work it lays out.
If you want a good relationship, you have to do the work that builds a good relationship. So far you two have not, you have been doing everything to grow apart.
I agree ... but 15 Hours a week.
Can you please help me out ... how to distribute these 15 hours in a week.
What all things I can do. (Considering in evenings and weekends we have kids with us). Though we can leave the kids for few hours with nanny.
Your words are helpful.