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I was reading around trying to help my own situation and came across this. Thought it was interesting.
How to Overcome Sexual Aversion
How to Overcome Sexual Aversion
andSexual aversion is usually poorly understood by those who have it. These people commonly report that engaging in sex is unpleasant, something they want to avoid. They may find that sexual arousal, and even a climax is also unpleasant. There isn't anything they like about it, and some actually experience a panic attack in the sex act itself. When they're asked to explain why they feel the way they do, few have a clear understanding of their reaction. They often blame themselves.
Their ignorance comes from a poor understanding of where their feelings come from. People often have the mistaken belief that they can decide to feel any way they want. They can decide to feel depressed or they can decide to feel cheerful. But those who suffer from chronic depression usually know it's not that simple. And when people have a sexual aversion, they cannot simply decide to feel good about sex.
So I wonder how many people with spouses who they think are "LD" actually have spouses with some degree of aversion instead....sexual aversion is a disaster of major proportions for couples. Sex is a need that should be met in marriage, but if a spouse has an aversion to meeting it, it becomes almost impossible as long as the aversion exists
yea, thats the easy part. All the 'what's and 'why's that go with it. Thats a bit more tricky.What's hard to understand? I hate you I am punishing you it's all your fault.
...few have a clear understanding of their reaction. They often blame themselves.What's hard to understand? I hate you I am punishing you it's all your fault.
Which is of little comfort when you are the target of the aversion....few have a clear understanding of their reaction. They often blame themselves.
Their ignorance comes from a poor understanding of where their feelings come from.
...when people have a sexual aversion, they cannot simply decide to feel good about sex.
Then I'll bring it up in counseling and see if the therapist will say it's a good idea to read the book. It always works better if the idea doesn't come from me.okay so you put the book in her hands and then what if she doesnt change or take steps to correct the problem?
What else can I do?
I don't know either, but she did do one of the exercises in the article today and journaled about it. We talked about it this evening. She did get a job at a local daycare and is using the money to see a therapist.I dont know anymore, but you just seem to be spinning your wheels for a while now, I just wonder how much longer you will last
Well, Yes, if you ask me.My question - Can a HD person become sexually averse?
I guess I was just glad she remembered the date.TGF,
One of your posts surprised me. It was dday anniversary and you had called and she was cooking you a stake dinner.
And I was thinking, well that's nice except if it had been me as the wandering spouse I would have simply said I made steak and the rest of the night is ALL ABOUT YOU. I will do anything you want.
yea, thats the easy part. All the 'what's and 'why's that go with it. Thats a bit more tricky.
I think Deejos Canary in a Coal Mine analogy is a very good one.
...few have a clear understanding of their reaction. They often blame themselves.
Their ignorance comes from a poor understanding of where their feelings come from.
...when people have a sexual aversion, they cannot simply decide to feel good about sex.