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yeah, but in the context of a DOM/SUB relationship, all of that is kind of expected.
Turning off the oral sex is a big tell. I am sure there was anal sex provided to the dom too, that was denied the spouse, as well as all sorts of other kinky sex.

Was she coerced into all this, or did she actually want the D/S relationship...who knows? But it was such a lengthy one, it is hard to imagine she was not a very active participant.

I would polygraph her, and ask about all the different types of sex they had, and if the Dom told her to not provide the same to her husband. That would tell the OP for sure what was going on.

If it was not a consensual D/S relationship, maybe she was legitimately blackmailed into it all somehow.
I hear what you are saying. There's one point that I'd respectfully disagree. I think it does not matter anymore whether she wanted this D/s relationship or whether it was consensual. She made a series of bad choices and deliberately kept his inappropriate advances hidden from her husband. Ending up in that relationship (and it was a long term relationship) was a result of her own choices and decisions. She has only herself to blame for that.

Right now she's doing whatever she can to avoid taking responsibility for all that by playing the victim. She may have been a victim of his devious scheming AND at the same time she was an active perpetrator in cheating on her husband and starving him off her affection while giving it away for cheap to this contractor.. So, if anyone is a victim here it'd be OP. Till she realizes this by herself (or with the help of her IC) all that she shows will be just run-of-the-mill regret that all cheaters have. It most definitely wont be be remorse.
 

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i agree, she clearly cheated on her husband.

but i assume we are talking about reconciliation, and the likelihood of that succeeding. If she was tricked or blackmailed into the D/S relationship would mean something if i were the OP.

What sexual acts the two of them performed would also be something i would want a full accounting of, with some sort of verification (polygraph?). If she were giving anal and oral sex to the AP, and i got none of that, that would speak volumes of if she were doing it consensually or not.

Finally, her willingness to be open and tell me all would be a big factor.
 

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Discussion Starter · #223 ·
I don't recall if this was asked or if you mentioned it, but there's no doubt that they were having unprotected sex.

So again, in her selfishness, she was putting your health at risk. Have you been tested?

So basically during the 7.5 yrs she was with grandpa she:

*exposed you to STD's
*cut you off orally
*had sex in every room in your home (and YES they had sex in your bed despite what she says)
*was financially unfaithful as well given there was work done on your home that wasn't necessary
turned into a huge **** towards you
*was having sex with him three times a week
*thousands of lies
*a HUGE F YOU having a large framed photo of him on her desk
*still can't just OWN her $hit.....claims she was "manipulated" and "abused" and "taken advantage of"
*loaned him money
*robbed you of countless years of your life living a lie
*even now there's NO remorse (if there was she wouldn't be so concerned about family and friends finding out and she wouldn't be focusing on her reputation but rather what all of this has done to you and doing whatever it takes to help you heal)
*continues to spew this fairytale to you

What a freaking nightmare!!

Have you been to a Dr to be tested?
She never used a condemn.
 

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Discussion Starter · #224 ·
i agree, she clearly cheated on her husband.

but i assume we are talking about reconciliation, and the likelihood of that succeeding. If she was tricked or blackmailed into the D/S relationship would mean something if i were the OP.

What sexual acts the two of them performed would also be something i would want a full accounting of, with some sort of verification (polygraph?). If she were giving anal and oral sex to the AP, and i got none of that, that would speak volumes of if she were doing it consensually or not.

Finally, her willingness to be open and tell me all would be a big factor.
She gave AP lots of oral sex. Says they tried anal once but it didnt work since AP couldn't stay hard.
 

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Correct assumption that AP talked us into additional improvements in the back yard that kept him sticking around for a long time. Note she does take responsibility in allowing him to stay and talking to him so much, but at the time she had no intention and could never see herself in a sexual relationship with AP. By the time she started to have feelings for him, he started badgering her to have sex and she claims like in child abuse the sex was to keep him happy so he would stick around because she was addicted to the love and praise she was getting from him. The love bombing works the same way people join cults and get somewhat brainwashed. At least that's what she claims.
I like your suggestion of taking all of the points that people have stated here and discussing them in IC. All the posts really open up my eyes, because of course I want to believe her.
Now I'm feeling judgemental. How nice of her that she takes responsibility for something that is easily provable and is not as damaging compared to many other things which she's still vehemently denying.

Here's what I've noticed just with this limited view into your (and her) life, people on this forum found gaping holes in her story. I hope she realizes sooner rather than later that her stories and lies don't hold much water.
 

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She gave AP lots of oral sex. Says they tried anal once but it didnt work since AP couldn't stay hard.
Sounds like this is similar to the rest of their affair. She claims she wanted to stop after 9 months but the sexual part continued for years till he couldn't perform. So, I'm guessing there would be plenty of oral and anal had he been able to stay hard. So she was willing and open and it didn't happen not for the lack of her willingness but for his inability to perform. Or could it be possible that she's saying this to do some damage control by denying that it happened once or many times. That's yet another item to add to the FU list from her to you.

It's also very hurtful that she started with a deep emotional affair where she likely shared a lot of intimate details that she probably didn't even share with you. He used all that to his advantage and to knock you down.
 

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She hasn't cheated for the last 10 years, unless you consider keeping his photo as some form of cheating. I have built my whole life with her in it. Friends and family. I still love her, but am starting to question that.
No you don't love her, you are used to have her around. you are not even a second option in her plan what she had done is beyond imagination. may be the only reason she didnt cheat after that because she is still faithful to her first and last love who died. you are only there because you are providing financially.
lets say you lose all your money and broke, do you think she will remain in marriage? the short answer is NO
 

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Some situations really are black and white. Your wife led a double life for 7 1/2 years which you financed. She actually had you paying a guy to screw her in your own home.

The only way to get the stink off is to stop petting the skunk and skip on down the road.

Divorce her and don't worry about your kids hating your guts. If they do, change your will.
This right here.

Wow.


Read this hard hitting beautiful advice from Blondi. Then read it again - then for good measure, recite it to yourself as you fall asleep.

You paid for her affair.

You are still wallowing in filth.

Any kid that would take their mother's side in this atrocity should be removed from the will. Seriously. This would be betrayal almost to the level of your wife. Your kids can't possibly take the side of your wife if they knew all the details you shared with us. If they do, then they have betrayed you and don't deserve you as a loving father.
 

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She’s gonna have to stay in the NEW house? Say it ain’t so? She made you pay her to love and cherish til death do us part ANOTHER man, and you’re gonna make her live in the new house? I wish you wouldn’t treat her so poorly. I have to agree, this is definitely crIngeworthy.
OP, what would she have to do in order to get you to decide she’s not worthy of being Mrs loveisnlind?
 

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We are actually in the process of building a new home in a new state...
Has she net the contractor yet?

Why is she moving into this new house? Can't you sell it during construction, or immediately after completion?

This is a woman who stopped giving you oral sex so that she could save herself for her affair partner. She deserves a new house?!
 
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