Talk About Marriage banner
201 - 220 of 248 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,334 Posts
Something is off here. It doesn't add up.



this might be accurate but not the way you think it is. She's subcommunicating. No way she had a 'regular' affair with this man. So-called normal sex. No way. Attractive 38 females don't do that with 70-year-old fat guys for X years. Maybe a one time thing. If that. She could have gotten a much hotter guy for a regular affair partner. Yes he had an emotional hold over her. Your wife sounds like a submissive woman. Is she? the old man a dominant figure. Is he the kind of guy you wouldn't have wanted to fk around with when he was somewhat younger?

I think this guy may have been her Dom and she was his Sub. If im right, he likely commanded her to put that photo up. Her duty was to obey.
i think this is the case too. he is her Dom, and she really craves being the sub. Ask her if she was "collared". Sounds like she is in the category of "Married, but owned by another man".

Not sure how you can break her out of that. she has had this relationship for many years, she must absolutely love the abuse. You can get the guy off of your property (i am thinking restraining order here). but she is going to crave being sexually abused. Look into what that means, but if you are not interested in becoming her Dom....not sure if she will ever be happy going back to Vanilla-only sex with you.

I personally would be concerned about how much of a masochist your wife is. She may be into physical things, like breast torture, that you could never get into. Have you noticed any odd injuries, puncture wounds, evidence of whipping or caning, or other bruises on her body from being tied up or abused?

Something worth looking into...get an account on Fetlife, and search locations for your town to see if she has a profile on there as a sub, or if this guy has a profile on there as a Dom listing your wife as someone he "owns". there might be pictures on there of your wife.

Or, if you can live with it, let her keep the dom/sub arrangement going, and accept the vanilla spouse sex role you have in it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,394 Posts
Blessed in some areas, but not marriage. Who wants to start over in their late 50's.
I get you. I started over again in my 40's after a 25 year marriage. The difference was my income was very low and that does add greatly to the stress and worry especially when you have children to care for.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,394 Posts
Something is off here. It doesn't add up.



this might be accurate but not the way you think it is. She's subcommunicating. No way she had a 'regular' affair with this man. So-called normal sex. No way. Attractive 38 females don't do that with 70-year-old fat guys for X years. Maybe a one time thing. If that. She could have gotten a much hotter guy for a regular affair partner. Yes he had an emotional hold over her. Your wife sounds like a submissive woman. Is she? the old man a dominant figure. Is he the kind of guy you wouldn't have wanted to fk around with when he was somewhat younger?

I think this guy may have been her Dom and she was his Sub. If im right, he likely commanded her to put that photo up. Her duty was to obey.



Yes because she is embarrassed and couldn't bring her kink up with you. She was afraid. Knew you couldn't fulfill it. You would judge her harshly. You aren't aware of the fantasies (fetishes) floating around in that head of hers. Old man recognized this. Did you ever do a thorough background check on old guy. Come up with any activity in bdsm. Any evidence of bondage that you came up w/ your wife. Stuff you found. Websites. Her slip-ups? Anything? her saying she wanted to be tied up? And you took it as a joke. Not my sweet innocent wife. And she laughed along and dropped it.



Nope. Not this guy. She was keeping him happy because she was bound to him. he owned her. There was no love-bombing unless her following his orders is love to her. She was fully on board due to the emotional and physical bonding. This isn't brainwashing but something she needed if Im on the right track. Has this ever crossed your mind?

If it makes any sense to you, as implausible as it sounds at first blush, grill her on this. Say something like you know she was his sub. He was a Dom. You have a background search on him. Don't be too direct. Don't say "honey are you interested in bondage"? See what you get out of her.
They are cases where younger women go after much older guys, and not always for money either. I know a man whose wife of 19 years left him for a man nearly 30 years older than her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
987 Posts
i think this is the case too. he is her Dom, and she really craves being the sub. Ask her if she was "collared". Sounds like she is in the category of "Married, but owned by another man".

Not sure how you can break her out of that. she has had this relationship for many years, she must absolutely love the abuse. You can get the guy off of your property (i am thinking restraining order here). but she is going to crave being sexually abused. Look into what that means, but if you are not interested in becoming her Dom....not sure if she will ever be happy going back to Vanilla-only sex with you.

I personally would be concerned about how much of a masochist your wife is. She may be into physical things, like breast torture, that you could never get into. Have you noticed any odd injuries, puncture wounds, evidence of whipping or caning, or other bruises on her body from being tied up or abused?

Something worth looking into...get an account on Fetlife, and search locations for your town to see if she has a profile on there as a sub, or if this guy has a profile on there as a Dom listing your wife as someone he "owns". there might be pictures on there of your wife.

Or, if you can live with it, let her keep the dom/sub arrangement going, and accept the vanilla spouse sex role you have in it.
Have you not read the OP? The AP has been dead for 10 years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,334 Posts
Have you not read the OP? The AP has been dead for 10 years.
lol, gonna be hard to find him online now then!

:)

the same basic thought still persists though...SHE was a submissive in a D/S relationship, and probably liked it. He needs to explore that further, lest she be looking for a new Dom who is alive and kicking!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
53 Posts
Discussion Starter · #207 ·
LIB,

Does your WW claim she never had an orgasm with OM?

This is a common minimization / lie WWs tell.

I will say that contractors hone their seduction skills over a lifetime as they deal with lots of women with husbands are away at work. Disgustingly like with personal trainers they get paid by the women or the husbands of the women too.
She admits to having orgasms. The guy was definitely a salesman. Agree, very disgusting!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
53 Posts
Discussion Starter · #208 ·
Something is off here. It doesn't add up.



this might be accurate but not the way you think it is. She's subcommunicating. No way she had a 'regular' affair with this man. So-called normal sex. No way. Attractive 38 females don't do that with 70-year-old fat guys for X years. Maybe a one time thing. If that. She could have gotten a much hotter guy for a regular affair partner. Yes he had an emotional hold over her. Your wife sounds like a submissive woman. Is she? the old man a dominant figure. Is he the kind of guy you wouldn't have wanted to fk around with when he was somewhat younger?

I think this guy may have been her Dom and she was his Sub. If im right, he likely commanded her to put that photo up. Her duty was to obey.



Yes because she is embarrassed and couldn't bring her kink up with you. She was afraid. Knew you couldn't fulfill it. You would judge her harshly. You aren't aware of the fantasies (fetishes) floating around in that head of hers. Old man recognized this. Did you ever do a thorough background check on old guy. Come up with any activity in bdsm. Any evidence of bondage that you came up w/ your wife. Stuff you found. Websites. Her slip-ups? Anything? her saying she wanted to be tied up? And you took it as a joke. Not my sweet innocent wife. And she laughed along and dropped it.



Nope. Not this guy. She was keeping him happy because she was bound to him. he owned her. There was no love-bombing unless her following his orders is love to her. She was fully on board due to the emotional and physical bonding. This isn't brainwashing but something she needed if Im on the right track. Has this ever crossed your mind?

If it makes any sense to you, as implausible as it sounds at first blush, grill her on this. Say something like you know she was his sub. He was a Dom. You have a background search on him. Don't be too direct. Don't say "honey are you interested in bondage"? See what you get out of her.
Never thought about this angle. I did ask her if he ever choked her or was forceful with her because I read that was the number one fantasy for woman. She said no to choking and he was forceful several times and she didn't like it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
53 Posts
Discussion Starter · #209 ·
Something is off here. It doesn't add up.



this might be accurate but not the way you think it is. She's subcommunicating. No way she had a 'regular' affair with this man. So-called normal sex. No way. Attractive 38 females don't do that with 70-year-old fat guys for X years. Maybe a one time thing. If that. She could have gotten a much hotter guy for a regular affair partner. Yes he had an emotional hold over her. Your wife sounds like a submissive woman. Is she? the old man a dominant figure. Is he the kind of guy you wouldn't have wanted to fk around with when he was somewhat younger?

I think this guy may have been her Dom and she was his Sub. If im right, he likely commanded her to put that photo up. Her duty was to obey.



Yes because she is embarrassed and couldn't bring her kink up with you. She was afraid. Knew you couldn't fulfill it. You would judge her harshly. You aren't aware of the fantasies (fetishes) floating around in that head of hers. Old man recognized this. Did you ever do a thorough background check on old guy. Come up with any activity in bdsm. Any evidence of bondage that you came up w/ your wife. Stuff you found. Websites. Her slip-ups? Anything? her saying she wanted to be tied up? And you took it as a joke. Not my sweet innocent wife. And she laughed along and dropped it.



Nope. Not this guy. She was keeping him happy because she was bound to him. he owned her. There was no love-bombing unless her following his orders is love to her. She was fully on board due to the emotional and physical bonding. This isn't brainwashing but something she needed if Im on the right track. Has this ever crossed your mind?

If it makes any sense to you, as implausible as it sounds at first blush, grill her on this. Say something like you know she was his sub. He was a Dom. You have a background search on him. Don't be too direct. Don't say "honey are you interested in bondage"? See what you get out of her.
Although, I'm starting to think that AP may have told her not to perform oral sex on me. Only reason I can explain why it stopped. She had no problems doing it in the early years of our marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
72 Posts
Although, I'm starting to think that AP may have told her not to perform oral sex on me. Only reason I can explain why it stopped. She had no problems doing it in the early years of our marriage.
I would point blank ask her why she quit the oral. If he ask her or (she won't admit this I'm sure) did she like it better with him or wanted it to be a special thing just between the two of them. Did they do other kink things like did he do oral on her? If so did she like it? (again probably won't admit) Did he do a*** sex on her? Did he spank or use a strap on her? I'd ask it all but that's just me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
400 Posts
I don't recall if this was asked or if you mentioned it, but there's no doubt that they were having unprotected sex.

So again, in her selfishness, she was putting your health at risk. Have you been tested?

So basically during the 7.5 yrs she was with grandpa she:

*exposed you to STD's
*cut you off orally
*had sex in every room in your home (and YES they had sex in your bed despite what she says)
*was financially unfaithful as well given there was work done on your home that wasn't necessary
*turned into a huge ***** towards you
*was having sex with him three times a week
*thousands of lies
*a HUGE F YOU having a large framed photo of him on her desk
*still can't just OWN her $hit.....claims she was "manipulated" and "abused" and "taken advantage of"
*loaned him money
*robbed you of countless years of your life living a lie
*even now there's NO remorse (if there was she wouldn't be so concerned about family and friends finding out and she wouldn't be focusing on her reputation but rather what all of this has done to you and doing whatever it takes to help you heal)
*continues to spew this fairytale to you

What a freaking nightmare!!

Have you been to a Dr to be tested?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
343 Posts
Only reason I can explain why it stopped.
that's not why. Or at least entirely why. You don't understand the game.

You seem like an overall good guy but this is pretty much what I see. Not intended to knock you but more of a 2x4 across the head. IOW it's not personal but criticism of an archetype.

Brother, you are still very plugged in and don't see the world for what it is. Your beliefs appear to have been formed by the Machine and your view of women by your clergyman. You are a nice guy. Have you always followed the rules? Never broken one? Perhaps this is how you got ahead in a corporate/law career. These are the sorts that get ahead nowadays in western institutions. The don't make any waves guy; went to the right school; kisses azz. Did the other guy get the girl in college while you stood by watching? And you wondered why me. But took it in stride because that's what nice guys do. Everything was going to change when you became a success. That's what the machine promised. But has anything really changed. Sure you have a nicer car and house and bank. You even got the hot girl. But not the hot sex. You were supposed to get that. Instead, that went to an old fker. And perhaps others. You got the plain vanilla and after a while, it just trickled off.. How and why could this happen? You were too nice. One thing I know for certain is that nice guys always lose. Always. Women like guys that have a bit of a rake streak in them. Nice guys are predictable, create no tension,no anxiety, are highly agreeable, give the girls everything she wants. Is relegated into the pure provider role, isn't dominant in the relationship; supplicates to woman. This is right out of the clergyman handbook. There's the old saying - how do you get your woman to resent you? You give her everything she wants.

And you just kept on doing like you've been programmed. I ask you - which of you was truly brainwashed? Get up and go to work to earn. Like a plow-horse. A man who is sent out into the fields from sunrise to sunset with the purpose of working to earn. A glorified Provider for wifey and kids. (read the Manipulated Man by ester vilar). They do indeed love you. Wife loves you but probably is not in love with you anymore (her attraction faded long ago, i.e. no more head) while the kids don't truly appreciate all you do for them. Hey, they're just kids right and your a man and well men go unappreciated. This here is how your clergyman told you life is supposed to be lived and you bought into it. Maybe that's why your here w/ this fked up story. this stuff doesn't happen to Not-nice-guys.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,101 Posts
Some situations really are black and white. Your wife led a double life for 7 1/2 years which you financed. She actually had you paying a guy to screw her in your own home.

The only way to get the stink off is to stop petting the skunk and skip on down the road.

Divorce her and don't worry about your kids hating your guts. If they do, change your will.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,334 Posts
I don't recall if this was asked or if you mentioned it, but there's no doubt that they were having unprotected sex.

So again, in her selfishness, she was putting your health at risk. Have you been tested?

So basically during the 7.5 yrs she was with grandpa she:

*exposed you to STD's
*cut you off orally
*had sex in every room in your home (and YES they had sex in your bed despite what she says)
*was financially unfaithful as well given there was work done on your home that wasn't necessary
*turned into a huge [email protected] towards you
*was having sex with him three times a week
*thousands of lies
*a HUGE F YOU having a large framed photo of him on her desk
*still can't just OWN her $hit.....claims she was "manipulated" and "abused" and "taken advantage of"
*loaned him money
*robbed you of countless years of your life living a lie
*even now there's NO remorse (if there was she wouldn't be so concerned about family and friends finding out and she wouldn't be focusing on her reputation but rather what all of this has done to you and doing whatever it takes to help you heal)
*continues to spew this fairytale to you

What a freaking nightmare!!

Have you been to a Dr to be tested?
yeah, but in the context of a DOM/SUB relationship, all of that is kind of expected.
Turning off the oral sex is a big tell. I am sure there was anal sex provided to the dom too, that was denied the spouse, as well as all sorts of other kinky sex.

Was she coerced into all this, or did she actually want the D/S relationship...who knows? But it was such a lengthy one, it is hard to imagine she was not a very active participant.

I would polygraph her, and ask about all the different types of sex they had, and if the Dom told her to not provide the same to her husband. That would tell the OP for sure what was going on.

If it was not a consensuall D/S relationship, maybe she was legitimately blackmailed into it all somehow.
 
201 - 220 of 248 Posts
Top