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Ugh. My story gets worse and worse. So after a massive search on my husbands phone I find for the past ten years he has been going to strip clubs with friends, getting private rooms for lap dances (god knows what else) I pray just a lap dance. Then he gets their phone number. One he texted on for a year. I found nude pictures, raunchy poses, that she sent him. They seemed to text like friends and it was bothersome. I found other strippers, seems like there must be 8 or so and they last for a time. With two, she was sending him racy photos, he would text her on the way home to our house asking her to contact him then. He asked for nude pics, and FaceTime with her. Once he flat out asked for it but the girl wasn't there. Then with another I'm sure he face timed bc then the next time he asked he said "I couldn't wait for you I had to go ahead, hope you aren't mad"... "I needed release".

My husband is a pervert. Its not like we weren't having sex. We were! I never turned him down. He turned me down. He says "oh, well we fought a lot". Funny thing is we fought bc he was so unaffectionate and cold which is probably due to this stripper stuff.

He went to strippers private rooms (he says with others but I think its a lie). $400 x4-5 times a year for 12 years thats like $8k.

I'm totally depressed. How can I forgive? I want to get divorced sometimes. He says "lets have a restart" but I'm like, I will never forget all this stuff.
 

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Has your husband ever been evaluated by a sex addictions expert?

What he is doing is atrocious and there's NO way you should be standing for it. NO way. Going to see strippers is one thing, but to get repeated private rooms and to whack off to them on facetime????????? DISGUSTING is what that is.

If I were you I'd kick his ass right out the bloody door, then he can do whatever the hell he wants to with his strippers.
 

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He needs to go.

He needs to strip his marriage ring off.
He needs to strip his horny Strep lying throat. Or slit it.
He needs to strip off the layers of BS and lies off his callous attitude.

If he did strip off all the lies off his shiny shellaced and veneered hide he would disappear. There is no man inside.

He is not a mature man. He is a boy in a man's body.

Divorce him....Pronto.
 
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How does he offer to prove to you that he is not hanging out the strippers and prostitutes in the future?

Why would you want to stay married to this guy?
 

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You don't have to forgive.

I have no idea, but is a lap dance really $400? Not that it really matters, a lap dance is enough.

Is there any reason to think he won't keep doing this? Do you want to stay married to him if he does?

Its your decision, but most people would not put up with this.
 

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You tell him you want space.

Ask him to move out, if he can afford lap dances he can afford to rent a room

You seek counselling for yourself, you cannot get past this on your own

then you see a lawyer to see what your options are.

it is possible he has a sex addiction but I would still tell all my family and friends about what he has been doing- blow up his world

I do not see how you can make this work, stop trying to, that is his job if he is up to the task which I doubt very much.
 

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I'm totally depressed. How can I forgive? I want to get divorced sometimes. He says "lets have a restart" but I'm like, I will never forget all this stuff.
You ask, "how can I FORGIVE?" Why the hell would you want to forgive him?

Are you serious?

You actually think this mouth-breathing pig wants to 'restart' because he found God and will now be the model husband? He wants a 'restart' because he still needs a 'mommy' to do everything at home but wipe his ass for him, and he doesn't want to part with half his assets and pay possible alimony and child support.

If he had to pay all that every month PLUS support his own home, that would seriously cut into his stripper and escort playtime allowance. Of course he wants a 'restart' - because it's cheaper for him!

Why in the HELL you'd even CONSIDER eating even one more **** sandwich from this disrespectful pig is beyond me.
 
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He's Dead Inside.
Divorce him.
Even when I was in a sexless marriage I never went the stripper route.
 
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How can there be a restart when there is nothing there? What has he said to even make you want that? I am sorry but what your husband has done is horrible. Please get your self tested. I am sorry you are here.

Me, I would hit him with divorce paper asap.


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Wanting to hit some imaginary reset button so that whatever has gone on before this point is completely over, gone, forgotten and never to be spoken or even thought of again? Yeah, that's actually a pretty common tactic among the serial cheater set.

Something to keep in mind when he mentions that restart: He's not saying he'll change, he's telling you he won't change. Because he doesn't think he's done anything that needs changing and want's you to agree that he hasn't by agreeing to that clean slate.

If you agree to a "restart" or a "clean slate" or anything of that sort, you can expect that he will do nothing to change - because it's like all that "before" stuff never happened so he's never really done anything wrong. And you will not be allowed to bring up any past behaviors of his that you might need for him to change - because it's like all that "before" stuff never happened so he's never really done anything wrong. What he wants from the restart is for you both to pretend that absolutely nothing has ever been wrong in your relationship and he's never done anything to make you question his trustworthiness. It will then be all your fault if you have any trouble with that, because you agreed to the restart so you've (in his mind) essentially agreed that he's never been untrustworthy. The reset button is one serious mind****, and you would do very well to recognize it as such.

There is simply no way for you to decide that whatever dysfunctional, cheating, pervy behaviors he's been engaging in for the last TWELVE YEARS never existed at all. There's no way for your to forget all he's put you through and who he's proven himself to be. Even if you were to forgive it (for some dysfunctional reason) you couldn't forget it.
 
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I can see no reason to stay in that marriage. He is unsalvageable and is treating you like a door mat. Collect your evidence and meet with an attorney.
 
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I spent a LOT of time in strip clubs many years ago when I travelled but I (almost) always told my w. Lap dances were too personal for me but many guys got them.

You can spend $$$$ at the clubs and not even really touch a stripper. Depends on the club. Most have a cover charge, drinks are expensive, lap dances are expensive.

The girls string the guys along - that's their job. Make the guys feel sexy and like a stud because the stripper is interested in you. Kind of funny but it happens a lot

Some clubs have bouncers and they'll come for you if you touch the girls. Others allow some contact

Lap dances go from just dancing in front and simulating grinding on your lap but not touching, to actually grinding. Those that do grind know exactly what they're doing and don't let anyone finish. Instead they'll happily do another dance.

So the interaction really varies all over the place. I just want to point out that, in spite of what you might think and what the guys hope for, many places just get the $$$$ and don't really have contact. Guys still go to look, smoke cigars, drink and have guy talk.

And some have sex I suppose

I'm not saying you h is or isn't a jerk or that you should or shouldn't leave or stay. I just know of good guys that go to strip clubs


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I just know of good guys that go to strip clubs
'Going' to a strip club is in a totally different league than getting lap dances and private rooms repeatedly, facetiming with strippers, whacking off online with them, exchanging phone numbers with them, texting them, and exchanging raunchy pics with them. All while not wanting sex with your wife, and for 12 years.
 

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I spent a LOT of time in strip clubs many years ago when I travelled but I (almost) always told my w. Lap dances were too personal for me but many guys got them.

You can spend $$$$ at the clubs and not even really touch a stripper. Depends on the club. Most have a cover charge, drinks are expensive, lap dances are expensive.


^THIS^

He is hanging out with STRIPPERS. NOT with prostitutes. there is a YUGE difference. Along with the "private room" comes a muscular fellow named Bruno that bounces you out the door if you TOUCH the stripper. LOL

It is hard to say how far he went, and if he did also use prostitutes, but the "evidence" you have provided is very sparse as far as proving ANYTHING went on except for him watching some girls dance. Divorce him if you have to, but i think you are way over reacting.

If you do not believe me, go with him to the strip club, ask him to get you into a private room with one of his regulars and WATCH what happens.
 
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