This is what was written to me by my wife:
EXPECTING “sexuality” from someone is the same as saying you are “ENTITLED” to sex. No one is “ENTITLED” to sex (unless you are human trafficking – which is criminal - or paying a hooker then it’s a business transaction). Perhaps one can be/ moved touched and inspired to have sex with another person but ‘EXPECTING’ someone to be “sexual” can only bring you disappointment.
In conclusion: You are free (from me) to have sex with anyone you like. I am ok with that. Also if you find someone that you want to move in with and live your life with just draw up papers so we can officially separate. If you want to officially separate now, I am ok with that.
I want to add that she said this after she found a message to a friend in which my friend said to me that my wife should know that I expect to have a sexual connection within the relationship. Perhaps she does not get how important that is as part of it. He mentioned that the reason my romance with her is ** is that maybe she does not really get that a sexual connection is important to me. I think she knows this after many conversations. She was probably pissed that she read my message in which he described in a sarcastic tone that my relationship is ** - in which she got upset and said you should not be talking of me in this light and that me telling or talking about her is - deformation of character and I should just worry about me. Perhaps she is pissed another part perhaps she is backed into a corner and has no energy left to give except just take care of herself. Perhaps she is more in a survival mode of eating, exercise, work on her business, and sleep because she has nothing extra to give..
Perhaps, maybe, think, probably, should not, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
Okay, if she was annoyed that you discussed this with a friend, her email to you could be retaliation out of hurt and fear. She also could be suggesting that she needs to be inspired. However, another response could have been to recognize the hurt this is causing you, and stepped to what you could do together, and what she may need to become inspired again. However, she is grown-folk and therefore, I would personally take her response on face-value.
All I can offer is based on my personality. And that is, if my spouse wasn't willing to step up with me to make the marriage work with what is a reasonable part of an intimate relationship, and furthermore, expressed being fine with me having sex with others, and on top of that, was ok with officially separating, well, my bags would have been packed that night. Because the obvious communication is they are not willing to work on the marriage with me. I also would not want a friendship arrangement with someone I loved and desired, but need to have sex with others instead (based on the spouse being physically healthy and able).
I have not read the whole thread, my bad, and I do wonder if depression could be a part of this from losing her parents, however, not being willing to see a counselor, or to recognize this as an important aspect of connection which needs the attention of both of you, the response of 'go have sex with others, and see ya later if you want to move out'.... I can tell ya, I would be gone in a heartbeat. I value having each others' back and a spouse who wants me to share in this life with them, and acts accordingly alongside me. Rather than, what I would interpret from the email as, 'I don't give a flying funk about you.'