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Surely better to end the marriage first so that he is free to met someone who loves him. Far better than staying in a marriage were the wife doesnt really care and having lots of empty meaningless sex with multiple women.
I think divorce is a splendid option, given that situation.

Likewise I also think given that situation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone having lots of consensual sex up through them being divorced or otherwise going forward.

As on the idea that sharing sex with different women is meaningless, I say speak for yourself. Since some of us don't feel that sharing sex is as meaningless as you do. As for myself from experience I have found that sharing sex with different women, has always been meaningful for the mutual pleasure it can bring.
 

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But "unfaithful" with consent?
If one has consent it isn't being unfaithful.

I have absolutely no problem with marital sexual infidelity being undertaken. In the face of being married to a spouse, who is choosing to withhold sex for a notable length of time or interminably.

So I would certainly feel no obligation to afford my spouse any sexual fidelity if she were withholding sex from me for any notable length of time.

Simply put, if my wife chooses to stop having sex with me, I will readily cheat on her as much as I have the time to do so.
 

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If one has consent it isn't being unfaithful.

I have absolutely no problem with marital sexual infidelity being undertaken. In the face of being married to a spouse, who is choosing to withhold sex for a notable length of time or interminably.

So I would certainly feel no obligation to afford my spouse any sexual fidelity if she were withholding sex from me for any notable length of time.

Simply put, if my wife chooses to stop having sex with me, I will readily cheat on her as much as I have the time to do so.
What if she cant have sex. Accident or illness long term?
 

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Several points in no particular order -

- if she hasn’t had sex with you in 3 years, then she’s not bluffing and she really doesn’t care what you do with your Johnson.

- however,,,, She knows you won’t actually do it. 98% of men with a hallpass wouldn’t even know what to do with it or even how to get with someone else.

- the other 2% are already banging other chicks and haven’t been celibate for 3 years.

- in other words, if you are the kind of guy that can go 3 years without having sex, you are not the kind of guy that can just pick someone up because you now have a hall pass. It’s just not in you and she knows that.

- hallpasses/open marriages are a farce for most men and women know it. Unless a guy is amazingly good looking or very wealthy or unusually charming with with some kind of jetsetting lifestyle, no woman is going to just sign up to be his side piece while he goes home to the little wifey after he cums. She knows that few if any women will actually do that so she is safe in offering a hallpass.

- it’s actually easier to cheat. It’s easier to go behind someone’s back than it is to get someone with a hall pass.

- if you live in an at-fault state, if you do hook up with someone, your wife could claim infidelity in court and you’d never be able to claim she gave you permission unless you have it notarized in writing in some kind of post nuptial agreement.

- escorts and sugar babies may be an option. But again, if you are the kind of guy that goes 3 years without, you are not the kind of guy that hires escorts or makes arrangements with 19 year old starving college girls.

- and your wife WILL have an issue with you spending money on sex and she will become quickly vengeful if you are spending marital funds on outside sex.

- if you are reasonably fit and pleasant looking, well dressed and groomed, gainfully employed, have working social skills etc you will have MANY more options as a single, divorced man.

- depending on how fit and good looking you are, it is not unreasonable that you could meet and date and hook up with women in their 30s that have healthy and robust sex drives and will have sex drives for years to come.

- if you are good looking, well dressed and charming/flirtatious, you can even hook up with crazy chicks with daddy issues in their 20s if you’d be into that. Just make sure you use a condom and then flush it immediately so they don’t dig it out of the trash and impregnate themselves.

- and finally, 3 years is irredeemable. You can’t fix that. If she is that frigid towards you and you are that passive and accommodating, you cannot fix this. You would both have to enter some kind of cacoon and undergo some kind of metamorphosis and each become completely different people to have an active and satisfying sex life with each other. You simply have nothing to work with here.

- IMHO your best bet is to worki on yourself, get buff and good looking and well dressed, get out and start working on your passions and hobbies and get a social life. And then file for divorce and work out a fair a cooperative divorce settlement and then get out and be alive and live life again as a single man.

You will have a lot more opportunities as a single man than you do in a dead marriage.
 

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As we go forward, let’s all keep in mind it has been THEEE YEARS.

He says they eat right and are healthy so we can probably rule out that one of them has been in a long term coma.

And if neither has been at a research facility in Antarctica for the last 21/2 years, this means that she has lost virtually all attraction and respect for his as a man and it also means that he has been the epitome of supplicating beta provider.

If he was the kind of guy that could/would go out and have sex with another woman, he already would have by now.

There is no hope for an active and satisfying sex life here.

Even all this red pill alpha crap that I and some others tend to throw around here won’t amount to a hill of beans if she is post menopausal and not on hormonal therapy.

He has 3 general options -

- suck it up and live with it and get used to having a lot of cats around (ask me how I know that one LOL)

- get it elsewhere with or without her blessing and keep her around so he doesn’t have to move or divide assets. ( I doubt if he will or even can do this because I don’t think he is the type)

- divide assets and child arrangements fairly (I assume the kids are at least teens so that doesn’t even matter much) and wish each other well, then he can pursue whatever kind of life he wants and she can get however many cats she wants.

They CAN work out a good friendship and coparenting relationship.

But work out a healthy and satisfying sex life???? Just no. That ship has sailed 😞

She has already stated her position and I believe her sincerity. So As a healthy man, HE has to decide what is best for him -

-A companionate relationship and roommate and get used to spanking to porn.

- remain in the marriage for the financial and material benefits but turn his sexual energies elsewhere ( which I don’t think he has in him)

- work out a fair and acceptable settlement, wish her well and move on.
 

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What if she cant have sex. Accident or illness long term?
Not the same as withholding, and if they are withholding the information about inability, it's pretty much the same thing. Desire also goes a long way. Wanting sex but incapable of it is way different from withholding.

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What if she cant have sex. Accident or illness long term?
Anyone that is of sound mind can have sexual expression.

There may be a few conditions that may prevent PIV, but if someone is mentally oriented to person,place, time and situation, they are capable of sexual activity if they choose to do so.

Further more the OP has clearly stated that they are healthy and have healthy lifestyles.

The information being provided pertaining to the wife’s statements show that she has clearly stated her intents and boundaries, that she is clearly aware of the situation and has made her preferences known.

Arguments regarding illness/injury are not germane to this discussion.
 

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I think divorce is a splendid option, given that situation.

Likewise I also think given that situation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone having lots of consensual sex up through them being divorced or otherwise going forward.

As on the idea that sharing sex with different women is meaningless, I say speak for yourself. Since some of us don't feel that sharing sex is as meaningless as you do. As for myself from experience I have found that sharing sex with different women, has always been meaningful for the mutual pleasure it can bring.
I cant seethe
Is she paralyzed from the neck down with her mouth wired shut?
I was asking you personally.
 

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That is a completely different thing.
e, then
If one has consent it isn't being unfaithful.

I have absolutely no problem with marital sexual infidelity being undertaken. In the face of being married to a spouse, who is choosing to withhold sex for a notable length of time or interminably.

So I would certainly feel no obligation to afford my spouse any sexual fidelity if she were withholding sex from me for any notable length of time.

Simply put, if my wife chooses to stop having sex with me, I will readily cheat on her as much as I have the time to do so.
So why stay married if you are going to cheat?
 

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e, then

So why stay married if you are going to cheat?
Because there may not be any reason to divorce if everyone is consenting.

If a spouse is ok with their partner getting some elsewhere as long as they keep paying their share of the bills and doing their share of the household chores,,

and if the 3rd party is ok being on the side and doesn’t want that person exclusively to themselves, then it all works for them and there is no reason to incur the expense and hassle of a divorce.
 

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Because there may not be any reason to divorce if everyone is consenting.

If a spouse is ok with their partner getting some elsewhere as long as they keep paying their share of the bills and doing their share of the household chores,,

and if the 3rd party is ok being on the side and doesn’t want that person exclusively to themselves, then it all works for them and there is no reason to incur the expense and hassle of a divorce.
Seems like a very odd marriage to me.
 
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