Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hello im a loving husband and father
first i want to say this before i get thrown under the bus i take care of my family i love them dearly but i cant deal with this any more

i have been with my wife for 10 yrs in marriage and with 2 yrs dating before

i have 2 kids that are my life and i love them dearly

for about 9 yrs our sex life has come to a halt. slowly at first and now none. unless i issue it. in the last 5 yrs she has started it 2 times ...... im sick of it and i have a chance to be with a friend that wants a sex only relationship .... i want this but im in conflict with my morals

i have given to every request. i have tried every trick in the book to fixing this. she just doesn't want sex and when we do i hate doing it because i fell guilty like i raped her or something.
and that has never happen before ....

she has gone to the Dr and the Dr gave her a script but she wont take it ...


im here in my last ditch effort to find a answer before i make up my mind on the proposal at hand. i love my wife but i don't want this life to keep going this way :(
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,107 Posts
First, go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and read the Primer. It will give you a lot of insight into your wife's motivations.

If your wife's prescription for hormones? Low hormones can be a physical reason for lack of libido. However, if your wife just says she's stressed and he gave her antidepressants, that is unlikely to help much.

I think the best strategy is to go to the link above, buy the book, and start running the Marriage Action Plan (MAP). Many times, that can bring sex back into a sexless marriage. However, if you can't wait for the MAP to bring results, then you owe it to your wife to be upfront with her about having sex outside the marriage.

In other words, don't just cheat. Tell her you're unhappy with your sex life and you have an opportunity to be satisfied outside the marriage. If your wife really doesn't care, then she'll be fine with that arrangement. If she does care, she may step up her game to make you happier.

The worst thing you can do is to try to play both sides of the street. Most likely, your wife doesn't want you sleeping with other women. And when she finds out, she'll divorce you. Or, she'll start divorce, you'll get religion, and then try to work things out with the added stress of infidelity added to your sexless marriage.

Either fix it, leave, or give your wife the choice of an open marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
"for about 9 yrs our sex life has come to a halt. slowly at first and now none. unless i issue it. in the last 5 yrs she has started it 2 times ...... I'm sick of it and i have a chance to be with a friend that wants a sex only relationship .... i want this but I'm in conflict with my morals"

Give it a rest Pal, Basically you just want people to tell you to go for it... in essence a 'FREE PASS' .. I have NEVER been faithful to ANY woman EXCEPT to my second wife, and now after 18yrs together 4 of those married, our sex life has diminished somewhat, YES I've had offers AND By some outstanding women..BUT NO NO NO I would never do the dirty on my her....GOD gave us internet porn for a reason you know!
Why would I NEVER cheat on her?...I LOVE HER.
So if, as you say, you truly love your wife then keep bashing the bishop matey AND TRY TO SORT OUT YOUR PROBLEMS or your in for a whole lot of hurt and so is your family!
Oh and am I happy?? Ecstatic....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
Here's another vote for "get divorced before you cheat".

But first, tell her that the situation you are in is unworkable, and you're willing to do what you can to solve it, but she needs to address her part in it too. Just because sex is no longer important to *her* (if that's truly the case), it doesn't mean she gets to hold your sex life hostage. Maybe she's decided that she herself doesn't want to have sex anymore. But YOU haven't decided that YOU don't want to have sex anymore, and if you confront her and she says in essence that she's happy the way things are, she's basically saying she doesn't care if you're happy or not.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
hello im a loving husband and father
first i want to say this before i get thrown under the bus i take care of my family i love them dearly but i cant deal with this any more

i have been with my wife for 10 yrs in marriage and with 2 yrs dating before

i have 2 kids that are my life and i love them dearly

for about 9 yrs our sex life has come to a halt. slowly at first and now none. unless i issue it. in the last 5 yrs she has started it 2 times ...... im sick of it and i have a chance to be with a friend that wants a sex only relationship .... i want this but im in conflict with my morals

i have given to every request. i have tried every trick in the book to fixing this. she just doesn't want sex and when we do i hate doing it because i fell guilty like i raped her or something.
and that has never happen before ....

she has gone to the Dr and the Dr gave her a script but she wont take it ...


im here in my last ditch effort to find a answer before i make up my mind on the proposal at hand. i love my wife but i don't want this life to keep going this way :(
I think you should do it. It is a biological need that your wife is unwilling or unable to satisfy. Do it discreetly and without killing yourself with guilt; it doesn't seem to be your fault that your wife is immune to sexual feeling. The solution avoids divorce, which would seem to me to be in everyone's interests, including the children's.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,788 Posts
The worst thing about my old ladies affairs was the deciet. So give your chick a chance to make her own choice by having the balls to tell her the proposal at hand.
Then she can bail on you or except the fact that her lack in taking her meds has consequences.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to get laid, its the deciet that makes it so painful for the betrayed. Don't betray your wife, but in the same breath you have to know that this subject will also be painful, but then again this isn't the first time you and her have gone around the block about this issue.

Please, let her have the choice to stay with you or not, you owe her that much!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,074 Posts
I've been in the same boat for years but I may have found something that helps. I got her a Kindle. For the past three or four months she's been reading back to back romance novels and it's apparently reminded her of what she's missing. She's jumped my bones probably four times in the past week. The only thing I've been doing differently is just not approaching her for sex. A trashy romance novel is cheaper than a divorce or a new girlfriend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,036 Posts
5 years, she started sex only 2 times? Serious?

And you have an opportunity for a friend with sex benefits situation?

Obviously your wife has issues and should of discussed them with you 5+ years ago. This is not your fault, it is hers.

The fact that you've remained faithful speaks volumes. My hat off to you sir! And then women wonder why men cheat.......duh!!!

But your wife doesn't deserve you and what a waste of your time.

Not all women have low sex drives, some have really high sex drives, but most are not like this. Men, test, = higher sex drives.

The Dr. gave her a prescription and she won't take it?!

Is she having an affair? (cyber, in person, etc.)
Is she bi-sexual?
Was she molested as a child?
What are her parents like? Very conservative and sexless?

And I find it's BS that it's always the man's fault when it's really the woman's fault.

Can't she communicate what she likes? Fantasies? Fetishes? Role play?


When she hits menopause, the sex might stop completely. Could you live with that?



It's sad that us men have to read all these books, jump through hoops, bend over, compromise, do all these extra things and maybe, we might get her in the mood a bit more...........not cool.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
260 Posts
Sonic Drive.

Do you and your wife connect and relate when you communicate together?

Do you communicate at all?

I would suggest connecting with her on something that will not make her feel pressured to perform for your marriage.

These are not questions meant to attack you. These are fundamental questions that need to be answered honestly before you can try any tactic or method of building your male sexual presence or giving her trashy novels to read that will jump start her libido.

If you find that she will not open up to you about her feelings or what she really thinks about matters in her life, then what ever sex you do win will not be built on a foundation of real relationship. Real relationship is what you should build on.
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top