[rnevermore]

We have been together for 10 years in total and the sex was ok for the first 3 years. Her sex drive was not the greatest but it was present in the relationship.

For the last 4 years it has been ZERO physical contact, not one single sexual act! I'm at the end of my rope with it all. This past week I have been thinking about it every single day and it consumes me, why doesn't she want to have sex?

I have tried romance, cooking, cleaning, listening, talking, begging, yelling, you name it I have tried it and there are no kids in the house we have total privacy. Her only response to me is she has NO desire absolutely not an ounce of desire for sex.

I'm very upset that she won't even throw me a bone and pretend just for one night a week or once every 2 weeks I would be ok with I love her. I just cannot wrap my brain around the fact that she knows how I feel and still doesn't even try to pretend like she cares for one night a week or month.

She's 45 so this all started around 40-41 years of age.

Any women out there can offer any insight please help me I don't want to argue or fight with her, but after 4 years enough is enough. She got mad at me tonight because I brought it up 3 times in the past week with her and she told me to get out of the house for the night. I feel i don't deserve this treatment after staying for 4 years in a sexless marriage and I love my wife and just want to be able to talk this out in a calm rational manner, but she gets angry about it with me I just don't get it?

 

[Thor]

Is there any history of child sex abuse, sexual assault, or other abuse or trauma?

 

[anony2]

Possibilities:

1. She sees you as a brother instead of a husband.
2. You are not doing anything to "get her in the mood" (and YES it is necessary).
3. She is going through perimenopause or she has fibroids or the myriad of other feminine aliments possible to where sex is painful.
4. She has lost respect for you.
5. You are not meeting her needs.
6. She has someone else.
7. other

Good luck figuring out which one of these it is.

 

[woundedwarrior]

How did you make it 4 yrs? My wife isn't into sex anymore either, not really into being a wife anymore either, and she would "throw me a bone" every 6-8 weeks. No foreplay, unemotional etc so given the choice, I would do without. There is nothing more degrading than obligatory, pity sex.
The bottom line is a marriage can't survive sexless, unless its mutual, which is rarely the case. Intimacy & sex are crucial for closeness. Good luck!!

 

[Hicks]

She is doing it becuase it is not stopping you from leaving her.

 

[Machiavelli]

Here's the boilerplate: Read "Married Man Sex Life Primer"

It will answer all your questions and lead you to the Promised Land. Seriously.

Download it tonight and read it. Start putting it into effect on Monday.

 

[Toffer]

You don't have a marriage

Tell your wife she needs to do whatever necessary to find out why she has no drive or she should find the door

 

[Jeffs_acc]

I feel like this is far too long friend, You should explain to her how important it is to you to have sex regularly. If she can not understand that, then I would think she has very little will to be a part of the solution in your relationship. Sex is important too!

*edit* also ask her why she feels the way she does and try and help her through it!

 

[thomrashid]

You should explain to her how important it is to you to have sex regularly.