[BigDaddyNY]

I don't get it.. I truly don't, we in the west screwed up and came up with our own crap in marriages and that's why we have a a society that's missed up completely!
How does she have the right to step out just because the separation?!
Separation doesn't nullify the vows you make, it doesn't, no matter how you want to spin it, you still will be committing adultery if you step out!

The fact that many people talk about boundaries when they separate (Unless they go to Church and nullify it) shows you how they don't understand the vows they took when getting married!
Even if your spouse tells you you can have sex outside the marriage it's still doesn't nullify the vows and if you do it its considered adultery!

Maybe I got it wrong!
Maybe someone can enlighten me!

Keep in mind that he told her to go do what she wants. She also said he did attempt to sleep around, but couldn't. It is still adultery no matter how you slice it, but it just shows the whole unhealthy dynamic of this marriage. I think it is time to end it.

 

[oldshirt]

but it just shows the whole unhealthy dynamic of this marriage. I think it is time to end it.

I tend to agree. This is a situation if allowed to continue someone could get bashed in the head with a shoe on the Jerry Springer Show.

 

[Torres 928]

I tend to agree. This is a situation if allowed to continue someone could get bashed in the head with a shoe on the Jerry Springer Show.

Well , thanks 😔 don't think it' WAS that bad again this was 3'years ago and I'm a lot healthier now 😊

 

[oldshirt]

Seriously I don't I smoke a lot of bud I don't ,we were out having a drink...we were in those and got into an argument...no reason for me to lie now lol

Yeah you are right, there is no reason for you to lie now so what was the argument over? What triggered him to decide that that was the day and the hour that it was over and that he was leaving?

 

[Torres 928]

Yeah you are right, there is no reason for you to lie now so what was the argument over? What triggered him to decide that that was the day and the hour that it was over and that he was leaving?

Idk

 

[PieceOfSky]

Nolo publishes some useful books about divorce, which would be good to checkout whether you hire a lawyer to represent you, a mediator, or DIY.

Nolo.com is one place to find these books.

You could also start a thread in the Divorce sections of TAM.

 

[oldshirt]

Well , thanks 😔 don't think it' WAS that bad again this was 3'years ago and I'm a lot healthier now 😊

Idk

Ok you've had years of therapy and are a lot healthier now.

So let's work together and walk this back to that watershed moment that changed the course of your life that you claim you do not remember.

You were out having a drink and kicking back chilling with some doobies and one minute you are are a married couple living in the marital home working on reconciliation and the next minute he is declaring the marriage over and packing his stuff leaving.

What took place between point A and point B that changed the course of your life and your marriage? Think hard now. Was it that you ordered the nachos with queso instead of the cheese sauce? Is that was set him off.

Or perhaps did something else come to light about your extra curricular activities or did you make some kind of dig towards him about the other man or your H's lack of prowess in bed?

What changed the course of you life and marriage on that fateful night? I'm going to say upfront I don't beleive it was because you ordered the queso.

 

[Torres 928]

Ok you've had years of therapy and are a lot healthier now.

So let's work together and walk this back to that watershed moment that changed the course of your life that you claim you do not remember.

You were out having a drink and kicking back chilling with some doobies and one minute you are are a married couple living in the marital home working on reconciliation and the next minute he is declaring the marriage over and packing his stuff leaving.

What took place between point A and point B that changed the course of your life and your marriage? Think hard now. Was it that you ordered the nachos with queso instead of the cheese sauce? Is that was set him off.

Or perhaps did something else come to light about your extra curricular activities or did you make some kind of dig towards him about the other man or your H's lack of prowess in bed?

What changed the course of you life and marriage on that fateful night? I'm going to say upfront I don't beleive it was because you ordered the queso.

Have a good night

 

[oldshirt]

Have a good night

In World War II during bombing runs on German factories in the heart of Germany, Allied bombers would take off from bases in England 6-8 hours of flight time away.

They did not have GPS or navigation equipment as we know it today. Much of the navigation was by map and compass and sextents and trying to identify land features from 10,000+ feet in the air.

Their basic navigation could get them to the major the cities like Berlin and Hamburg and Dresden etc but getting to the specific factories and war plants were a little more difficult.

As they were coming up to the cities the anti aircraft fire would start firing and they would see the explosions in the air ahead of them.

The pilots would intentionally turn the planes into AA fire and fly to where the flak was the most concentrated.

Why did they do that???

Because they knew the flak was most concentrated at the target. They knew the more flak they were getting, that the closer they were to the target.

 

[ABHale]

Please help!! I need advice!! After my husband and I were separated and living apart I was intimate with someone, he was not , that was 3 years ago , he's been back home for a year and still has not had sex with me, he says he wants to but can't , he loves me , and we are in therapy he has his own therapist as well so now we're talking divorce ( which we both don't want been together 27 years and have 3 kids) or sexless marriage but I'm very sexual he is not, but its not just sex, it's intmacy as well.

* I did step out on him prior to our separation no sex just texting

That absolutely destroys a man at times. You cheated then had sex while separated, does your husband know? If he does, you did this to him. He knows damn well he can’t and probably never has satisfied you. Women can absolutely build a man up to be better then he could be on his own. She can also bring him so low that he will never recover.

Congrats, you have successfully destroyed your husband.

 

[ABHale]

I'm 45 and I work and have 3 kids ..I don't know scared of all of it , can't afford a lawyer , and our family breaking up

Then you should have never cheated.

Or

You should have cheated with someone that would have taken you in and supported you.

You come here complaining about a sexless marriage when you have been cheating on your husband. I wouldn’t ever touch my wife again if she cheated. Who the hell wants sloppy seconds while in a monogamous marriage.

Just divorce already and see your kids every other week.

 

[ABHale]

I'm sure he can orgasm , I think he's actually being "stubborn" because his thoughts of me with someone so he stops

WTF. Did you seriously just say this?

you will never fix anything with that mentality.

 

[ABHale]

Lol He's open to mediation. I'm just confused because my stepfather told me I should get a lawyer because I'm entitled to his pension???

You cheated on him and you are going to rape him financially as well? What a catch you are.

 

[babbles1238]

It's the fact that I was literally with someone else and he can't get past the thought , he even did therapy for it

I Wouldn't get past that as a man either knowing another man was pumping you, you were sucking him and he was sucking you, no way!! then when he does have sex with you, you'll be thinking of the other guyI wouldn't get back with you, problem solved!

 

[babbles1238]

Resentment and porn are a destructive combination for men. Isn’t this behavior at least in the same ballpark as your “stepping out”? Why does he get a pass to step out and you don’t?

because his experience is not tasting the flesh like she did

 

[CatholicDad]

because his experience is not tasting the flesh like she did

Porn use is him wanting to “taste the flesh” but not having enough game to make it happen. I’d say there is little difference. Both carry the same intent- sexual gratification outside the marriage.

 

[babbles1238]

Porn use is him wanting to “taste the flesh” but not having enough game to make it happen. I’d say there is little difference. Both carry the same intent- sexual gratification outside the marriage.

depends on the man, maybe he's trying to hang on till he know he's knows he's a straight sucker!

 

[Young at Heart]

The keys to a good strong marriage are commitment to the marriage, shared goals and vision of the future together, trust, respect for the others boundaries and love.

If you choose to reconcile, you need to work on all these aspects.

Good luck. If you would like to try to rebuild what you have lost, M.W. Davis has a book called Divorce Busting that might have some ideas for you to try.