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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi. There was a conversation in the "Same Old Story" thread (starting post #286) that I was asked to move here. So that's what I do.
 

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Ok, tell your story.

After seeing your other posts, I will start by asking you two questions -

#1. Why do you think your husband is ok without having sex for the last years?

#2. What I am even more curious about is why are YOU ok without having sex for the past 6 years????

Ok I understand that your husband got fat and that you are no longer attracted to him. I get that.

But why are YOU ok with living a life of celibacy just because he is fat?

Are you having sex with someone else?

Why are you ok with this??
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Ok, tell your story.

After seeing your other posts, I will start by asking you two questions -

#1. Why do you think your husband is ok without having sex for the last years?

#2. What I am even more curious about is why are YOU ok without having sex for the past 6 years????

Ok I understand that your husband got fat and that you are no longer attracted to him. I get that.

But why are YOU ok with living a life of celibacy just because he is fat?

Are you having sex with someone else?

Why are you ok with this??

It's not complicated for us. For #1, he never brings it up and doesn't make attempts. So he's ok with it for sure. For #2, it's not that important, more like ice cream, it's nice when it's there but not needed for my happiness. I'm glad I'm not addicted to it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It's not complicated for us. For #1, he never brings it up and doesn't make attempts. So he's ok with it for sure. For #2, it's not that important, more like ice cream, it's nice when it's there but not needed for my happiness. I'm glad I'm not addicted to it.
 

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It's not complicated for us. For #1, he never brings it up and doesn't make attempts. So he's ok with it for sure. For #2, it's not that important, more like ice cream, it's nice when it's there but not needed for my happiness. I'm glad I'm not addicted to it.
Interesting word choice, addicted.

An ongoing sex drive is natural. Animals have a sex drive. Humans are Animals. Biologically, that's what it's all about, procreation and therefore sex.

It's a natural, healthy biological drive. Not an addiction.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Interesting word choice, addicted.

An ongoing sex drive is natural. Animals have a sex drive. Humans are Animals. Biologically, that's what it's all about, procreation and therefore sex.

It's a natural, healthy biological drive. Not an addiction.
Its stronger for some than others.
 

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Its stronger for some than others.
I also find it notable that you used the word addicted in regards to something that is normal, healthy, pleasurable and bonding.

Wouldn’t you prefer to have a close, pleasurable and intimate relationship with someone?

I’m curious why neither one of you has stated any discontent with this arrangement.

How do you know that your husband isnt very dissatisfied with being roommates and is either miserable or isn’t even getting with someone else or planning his departure??

Would you even care if he were hooking up with someone else?

Would you even care if he left?

If your answer to those questions is yes, then why aren’t you addressing it??

If your answer is no, then why not each go your own separate ways so you can each find someone you can have an intimate relationship with??
 

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Its stronger for some than others.
Truth.

Yet you chose the word 'addicted', not the poster who questioned it.

Are you as negative about sex as it appears, or is there something being lost in translation?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Truth.

Yet you chose the word 'addicted', not the poster who questioned it.

Are you as negative about sex as it appears, or is there something being lost in translation?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
Oh its enjoyable for sure. Anything that takes over the mind compulsively fits the definition of addiction.
 

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Oh its enjoyable for sure. Anything that takes over the mind compulsively fits the definition of addiction.
So help me understand- if you say it’s enjoyable and you claim you aren’t addicted to it which would imply that you don’t see it as problematic, then why don’t you want to do it?
 

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For #1, he never brings it up and doesn't make attempts. So he's ok with it for sure.
How do you know he is ok with it other than he’s not asking you for it??

How do you know he’s not getting it elsewhere? Would you even care if he was?

How do you know he isn’t miserable and suffering in silence? Would you even care if he was?

How do you know he isn’t planning on leaving? And again, would you even care if he was?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
How do you know he is ok with it other than he’s not asking you for it??

How do you know he’s not getting it elsewhere? Would you even care if he was?

How do you know he isn’t miserable and suffering in silence? Would you even care if he was?

How do you know he isn’t planning on leaving? And again, would you even care if he was?
He knows if he asked my answer would be no. I am not attracted. But he is a good life partner and warmth. If he gets fun elsewhere, I prefer not to know about it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
 

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He knows if he asked my answer would be no. I am not attracted. But he is a good life partner and warmth. If he gets fun elsewhere, I prefer not to know about it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
If he got into shape would you hit it? Or did the moment with him pass and you’re done?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
If he got into shape would you hit it? Or did the moment with him pass and you’re done?
Good question. The attraction may well rekindle. But I feel attraction in my body when its there, and its not a decision or mind involved.
 

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He knows if he asked my answer would be no. I am not attracted. But he is a good life partner and warmth. If he gets fun elsewhere, I prefer not to know about it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
I am not going to tell you how to run your relationship. To each their own. He apparently is a good partner. If he gets it somewhere else are you worried that he gets that connection somewhere else? Would it matter to you if he left you for someone he can have an intimate connection with?
 

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He knows if he asked my answer would be no. I am not attracted. But he is a good life partner and warmth. If he gets fun elsewhere, I prefer not to know about it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
I find this very interesting, and surprised it works, but I guess it does. Good for you and your husband.
Sorry for all the questions, but I find this situation odd and out of the norm from my perspective. I would like to understand better.

Do you avoid other things you find enjoyable?
Do you think he gets sex outside of the marriage or maybe masturbates?
You say he never asks, do you really mean never? Is it possible he isn't physically attracted to you either?
Do you have non sexual ways of maintaining some kind of intimacy?
Do you guys even sleep in the same bed?

Sorry one more. When you got married were you expecting sex to disappear completely from your relationship?
 

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Oh its enjoyable for sure. Anything that takes over the mind compulsively fits the definition of addiction.
ASAM definition of addiction
Addiction is a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences.

You neglect harmful consequences.
 

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Oh its enjoyable for sure. Anything that takes over the mind compulsively fits the definition of addiction.
Well, I think about food a lot! I love to cook. I love to eat. I'm not overweight. I'm not addicted. But animals need to eat to live.

Again with the word choice, this time compulsively.

I think about food a lot, many times a day (I'm now interested in an afternoon snack) but it's not an addiction, it's not a compulsion, it's BIOLOGY because I'm a living animal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I am not going to tell you how to run your relationship. To each their own. He apparently is a good partner. If he gets it somewhere else are you worried that he gets that connection somewhere else? Would it matter to you if he left you for someone he can have an intimate connection with?
Whats truly important is that I feel becoming a bigger person, jump over my shadows, radiate warmth, prepare for an afterlife, feel growth in spirit and outlook. As long as my husband moves me that way, and I move him that way, its all good. If I ever felt I hold him back on the spiritual journey that is (his) life, I‘ll lovingly release him into freedom. That doesnt mean he needs to be an angel and I can let a lot of things slide, but the personal growth part is really Number 1.
 
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