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Sexless Marriage is destroying my love

1910 Views 5 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  PHTlump
Hello all, I have been reading different stories on here for a while now so i finally decided to give you a look into my life to see if there was any hope or advise that you good people could share with me.

I am 45 and my husband is 55.We have been married for only 2 years. He is a good man in many ways. But for the past one and half years we havent had sex or ANY sexual contact between us. And now i am at my whits end!!

After I finally got my husband to admit that he has no interest in sex what so ever, I convinced him that this was not normal and he should talk to his doctor about this. The doctor explained to my husband that he had a very low testosterone level which could be the cause of the low, or in my situation, no sex drive. The doctor perscribed testerone injections. My husband agreed to these injections...twice. When he didnt see results from the injections right away he then refused to take them anymore. I did explain to my husband that this issue could take time and he needed to continue with the treatment but he says whats the use and will not even talk about going back to the doctor again.

I have found myself now very resentful toward him, i cant get him to understand how this makes me feel, unloved, unwanted, ugly and very lonely. When i want to talk about this with him he refuses and says he has a medical problem and that is just the way it is. He stills says he has no interest in sex and when i tell him but i still do need this he says "OH WELL" and walks out of the room. I have told him there are other ways we could go about being intimate with one another he says whats the use. When i tell him i NEED him to be intimate with me, he says for me to go do what i have to do by myself. When i say that he could "help me" with certain things, his reply is why should he give me pleasure when he cant get anything out of it.

I dont want to cheat on him, and i dont want to leave him...but i dont know what else to do. I look at him sometimes with so much anger and hurt in my heart, i just want to run away from him sometimes. And i hate feeling this way toward him, but i cant get him to understand this is killing our marriage. Am i being selfish (which he says i am) by asking him to still show me some type of intimacy in the bedroom?? Becasue this is a medical issue am i suppose to sweap my needs away and stand by him?? :confused:

Thank you all in advance for reading this, and giving any advise to me on how to handle my "sexless marriage".
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Only 6 months of sex in a 2 year marriage. He is being completely selfish. "Not get anything out of it" What about making you happy and treating your needs respectfully. Thats what he gets out of it. Sheesh. I can appreciate his medical condition needs to be solved and however he is the only one that can solve them. He needs to do this much for you. As you've had many conversations with him and it has been making no difference you need to take other action besides the route you have been on. On the flipside you're still young enough to attract another if you get divorced. Go work on yourself. Gym, new clothes etc etc. Treat you as a priority. :) have your answer. Divorce.

He is being stupid.
It's one thing not to be interested. It's one thing not to be physically able.

But it's a whole other story when he doesn't want to do anything about it.

I'd plan to move on with your life. He may see that as a signal that he should at least try to get his act together and do something.
Do you have children together?
Yes, I would make a plan to move on. At least if you have a fixed plan know your financials you will have a stronger stand if he agrees to work on his issues.
He might not want "unnatural" help from hormones because that reminds him that he's aging. He could please you otherwise too.
Does he execise?
Try to tell him that after so many conversations your feeling towards him are slowly changing and that will ruin your marriage on the long term. That he cannot take you for granted and you are ready to move on when he does not try to change things. Tell him that you are willing to change things too. And tell him that changing things must be an ongoing effort.
Get dressed nicely, take a friend and go out, best to dance ot a party. Not to cheat but to show him your independance.
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Sorry to hear about your problem. It's terrible when one spouse completely disregards the other. Yes, your husband's problem is medical. But, it is a problem that is treatable. If your husband had testicular cancer and the treatment that saved his life left him impotent, then it's not his fault. At this point, refusing to seek treatment because the last treatment didn't work immediately is his fault. So, let's move on to your options.

First, you could have a secret affair. This isn't a good option, and you've said you don't want to cheat, so I'll just leave it at that.

Second, you could divorce. You have cause. You've only invested two years in this marriage and I presume you don't have children together. Yes, you love him. But, he doesn't love you as much.

Third, you could tell him that you plan to have an open marriage to meet your sexual needs. Right now, he thinks your options are to masturbate, or abstain. You could disabuse him of that notion. You have other options. Tell him you just want to give him advance notice so that he's not taken aback if one of his friends sees you coming out of another man's apartment late one night, or early one morning. The good thing about this option is that it might shock him back to reality.The bad thing is that he might give his blessing, which you may not be prepared to carry out.

Fourth, you could begin to deprioritize him in a similar way that he is deprioritizing you. Of course, you can't refuse to have sex with him. He doesn't care about sex. But there are things you do that he does care about. If you cook for him, stop. Cook for you and tell him to make himself a sandwich. If he balks, tell him tough. You're no longer interested in providing for his needs. Run the 180 on him. The 180 will help you distance yourself emotionally from him and prepare for life on your own. Sometimes, it has the added benefit of showing the other spouse that he is about to be alone, which can spark a sudden change in behavior to avoid divorce.
The Healing Heart: The 180

You may have other options, but that's all that come to mind immediately.

Good luck.
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