Sexless Marriage but wife masturbates all of the time

41017 Views 33 Replies 25 Participants Last post by toblerone, Nov 28, 2017

summerhouse37

Discussion Starter · Nov 30, 2012

This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?

Status: Not open for further replies.

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

Cletus

· #2 · Nov 30, 2012

If you had stopped me on the street and asked if I thought a person could sleep through a little orgasm, let alone intense, I would have said "no".

Live and learn. This might have some useful information.

Survey – Female Sleep Orgasms and Sex Dreams

Hope1964

· #3 · Nov 30, 2012

Here's my answer from the other thread:

summerhouse37 said:
My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it.

THAT is weird. :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

If she isn't aware of this, she isn't going to believe you if you tell her. Maybe record her and play it back to her. "Confronting" her isn't the right word - why would you do that? TALK to her.

Sounds to me like she hasn't lost her libido, she's just chased it underground.

As for why she won't have sex with you - that should be addressed by a counselor. Sexless marriages SUCK - just do some reading around here about it.

Reactions: 1

Hope1964

· #4 · Nov 30, 2012

Cletus said:
If you had stopped me on the street and asked if I thought a person could sleep through a little orgasm, let alone intense, I would have said "no".

Live and learn. This might have some useful information.

Survey – Female Sleep Orgasms and Sex Dreams

"87% reported waking into a physical orgasm at some time in their life." That doesn't sound like what he's talking about though. He says she is masturbating, not dreaming, and that she isn't aware of it.

Unless, of course, she is lying about not being aware, and knows exactly what she's doing.

Reactions: 2

east2west

· #5 · Nov 30, 2012

2 possibilities:

She is just not into you and is pretending to be asleep? In this case its an attraction problem and you need to run Athol's MAP and try to be more sexually appealing to your wife.

She is actually doing this in her sleep, meeting her own sexual needs via masturbation and hence has no libido. I have no idea how this comes about but it is strange and fascinating. If this is true she needs some medical help, maybe sex therapy?

Either way I would confront her about it. If it stops after you confront her on it then you know she was faking being asleep. She will start masturbating at other times when you are not around. Then you need the MSSL map program.

If she keeps doing it after your talk then it's probably some kind of medical or psych condition that you should get her treatment for.

A little background on the sex life would help you get better feedback.

How long has this been going on?
How long have you been married?
Was she doing this before marriage?
Was the sex ever good?
How often did you have sex before and currently?

See less See more

Cletus

· #6 · Nov 30, 2012

Hope1964 said:
"87% reported waking into a physical orgasm at some time in their life." That doesn't sound like what he's talking about though. He says she is masturbating, not dreaming, and that she isn't aware of it.

Unless, of course, she is lying about not being aware, and knows exactly what she's doing.

Hey, don't beat me up for trying to be diplomatic.

Reactions: 1

summerhouse37

Discussion Starter · #7 · Nov 30, 2012

How long has this been going on? about a month now that I am aware of it

How long have you been married? we have been together 24 years

Was she doing this before marriage? no she was not

Was the sex ever good? omg yes the sex used to be amazing

How often did you have sex before and currently?before kids it used to be weekly and never scheduled now it has to be scheduled and now it is monthly

Hope1964

· #8 · Nov 30, 2012

So after 24 years this suddenly starts????

That is really weird. Is this the only strange thing she's been doing lately?

DailyGrind

· #9 · Dec 1, 2012

summerhouse37 said:
This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?

My wife does this!! I first noticed a few years ago. She doesn't make much noise when she orgasms, and I'm a heavy sleeper...so no telling how long she has done it. What she DOES do, when she orgasms is shake/vibrate fairly intensely. That's what woke me up when I first noticed. Every time it has happened...it appears to me she is asleep. I finally mentioned it to her, and she didn't believe me. But, as recently as a couple nights ago...I woke up to her bed shaking, and slight exhail of relief. It baffles me. I figured she was an anomoly....interesting to hear she isn't the only one. It ALSO might explain her lack of drive.

AS to the recommendation of recording it.....short of staying awake all night, it is hard to tell when it might occur. By the time I fully awake to it (who knows how many times I haven't)...it is pretty much over.

Very interesting.

See less See more

EleGirl

· #10 · Dec 1, 2012

summerhouse37 said:
This is my first time here and first time posting so I do hope that I am doing it correctly. My wife masturbates at night during her sleep, many many times during the night and does not know that she is doing it. I tried to assist her one time and she went off on me and asked me what I was doing? This has effected our sex life in that the only time we have sex is if it is scheduled.... She does this all night long and has some very intense orgasms, while we virtually have no sex. I am at a loss and do not know what to do? If I should confront her?? I have asked her if she is cheating in the past and she says she is not and that she is loyal to me and our marriage. I have asked if she would like to spice things up, and she still says that she has lost her libido which is hard to believe since she does this on a nightly basis. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?

Does she know that she is doing this?

StargateFan

· #11 · Dec 1, 2012

Mittens ?

Reactions: 3

T&T

· #12 · Dec 1, 2012

It's call sexomnia or sleep sex. My wife does it on occasion and it can be brought on by stress among other things. The person doesn't know they're doing it and have no recollection because they're sleeping.

Sexsomnia

http://www.science20.com/florilegium/sexsomnia_sleep_disorder_sexual_behaviour-65417

Best,

T

jmsclayton

· #13 · Dec 6, 2012

Hi

Usually some women do it out of painful emotional memories with nonsexual touch or sexual touch or both-as well with the idea of sex. She really needs to find out why she is doing it.

Judith

Middle of Everything

· #14 · Dec 6, 2012

Does she have forearms the size of Popeye's?

east2west

· #15 · Dec 6, 2012

You should have her wear these while she sleeps.

JT's Stockroom - Vampire Gloves

That will put a stop to it.

Reactions: 1

MarriedWifeInLove

· #16 · Dec 6, 2012

Middle of Everything said:
Does she have forearms the size of Popeye's?

:rofl:

T&T

· #17 · Dec 6, 2012

Very curious as to why this serious problem is being "made fun of"

How is this any different then any other sexual issue?

T

zookeeper

· #18 · Dec 6, 2012

Though I've never heard of this before, it sounds plausible to me. Unless she is playing some incredibly cruel head game, I can't see her doing this while awake and being conscious of it. She surely could find other times/places to mastubate than in the still of the night with her husband lying next to her.

I think it would be OK to talk about it with her, but I strongly suggest against gathering video evidence. This is likely to embarass her and could set your cause way back. She might even view it as meanspirited by you.

Please update us as you learn more. This is a fascinating concept.

T&T

· #19 · Dec 6, 2012

There's lot of info out there about the issue.

Google sexsomnia

inquiringbrain

· #20 · Nov 16, 2017

Similar here. She has little interest in sex. 60s, menopause, antidepressant that kills libido. Plus she's more interested in her kids. Found out that I was only brought in to be a daddy for her youngest.

At night she will rub her *****, but seems to be asleep. I have never witnessed a climax, but then she has a difficult time climaxing when she's awake. If I move she stops and puts her hands above her head, all while snoring.

She denies she does this, but I can hear the wet ***** noises. Plus I can smell it on her fingers.

I've caught her with her vibrator a few times.

Apparently she likes sexual stimulation. Just not with me.

What a wonderful life.

See less See more

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

Status: Not open for further replies.