I could be classified as a "nice guy" also but I have no problem telling my wife what I want or what feels good. One thing that we have done is read a book together (like "The Guide to Getting It On") and talk about what we are reading.
Along those lines, give yourself a safe-word. Let him know that if he does something you don't like, you have that word to fall back on. It may give him some confidence to know when it is just anticipation or nerves versus something you actually don't like or want.The one piece of advice I can give you is to be open and VERY receptive when he expresses what he likes. I know for me I have a ton of things that I would like but I automatically assume that she would not like it. I've been putting myself out there A LOT more over the last 9 months, but I'm still VERY SENSITIVE to her reactions. If I sense any hesitation I interpret it as rejection and I completely shut down. If you truly want him to show you what he wants then you have to avoid sending those negative signals at all costs. He'll sense them no matter how subtle.
Also, I agree with Lon. When I started tying my wife up, it opened me up quite a bit.
This description sounds exactly to a tee like my wife... thing is we have been married 20 + years. Honestly, I can tell you this for sure that nothing has changed and I have tried everything known to man. Nothing changes. I hope for you it will but I have doubts.. I think these types of people are so repressed that they simply cannot come out of their shells long enough to enjoy anything.I've posted before that my H is the definition of a "nice guy". I love him so much and before anyone says it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice! Except when it prevents you from telling your spouse what you like, expressing your opinions, and expecting your wife to mind read, then being resentful when she doesn't guess correctly.
So, I had the realization a few days ago that I literally have NO IDEA what my H really likes in bed. Obviously he likes me, and he always seems to enjoy himself...he's never complained. But what I mean is, I have no idea if he prefers certain things over others, if he has any fantasies he's always wanted to try. I have no idea where his mind goes when he's thinking sexy thoughts or what kind of porn he likes or if there is anything I could be improving about my technique in bed. We've been having sex for eight years and everything I have learned about pleasing him has come to me by trial and error.
I wasn't a virgin when we got together and have always been pretty good about gauging his excitement/response from a physical stand point. I learned most of my lessons about how to touch him by asking him to masturbate in front of me. Then I took those principles and applied them across all aspects of our lovemaking. My only recognition of a job well done is when he O's. He has never once told me "Wow that was amazing." Or even really moaned or sounded excited during the act itself. So I wonder....am I not as good as I think I am?
But yea, it is frustrating! I have poured my heart out to him, telling him all my desires and wish I could hear the same thing in return. It occurred to me that I really have no idea where I rank in his head in terms of skill and technique. I know that might sound silly but I would take any feedback he had, good or bad, and be so happy that he just gave me a real insight into where I stand.
Also I would really like to hear him guide me sometimes, tell me what feels good to him, suggest new things for us to try. I would love for him to even express to me that he is horny for god sakes! He never initiates. I know his drive is higher than mine, and I know that unless I make grand gestures to initiate sex frequently enough, he will masturbate rather than come to me and try to initiate. (Its not like i dont know what hes doing when every 3rd or 4th day his showers are 20 mins longer than usual.) Even when I tell him its an open door...it would turn me on instantly to know he desired me that way.
Ok rant over. I am just feeling frustrated. Any suggestions for me?
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I've tried that, and all I usually get is something like "I like whatever turns you on" or "I like it when you cum" and other such stuff. If I push it he starts making jokesWhy don't you just ask him what he likes and what his fantasies are and follow suit?
Same here. Maybe there are degrees of "nice guyness" as I have no problem telling her what I like, talking dirty, or having my way with her.I could be classified as a "nice guy" also but I have no problem telling my wife what I want or what feels good. One thing that we have done is read a book together (like "The Guide to Getting It On") and talk about what we are reading.