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Not really. @ccpowerslave said ( and sounds right to me ) that difference in ideal frequency of more than 3:1 HD:LD was trouble zone no matter gender. If a couple can't get to within that band, their marriage is headed for certain trouble. So if the OP you are thinking of is ok twice a month and his wife wants it every other day, that is a ratio of 1:7 husband:wife. She is going to be going for the pool maintenance guy or UPS delivery driver unless the husband more than doubles his effort.

Neither gender is going to want to live long with a dud for a partner in a marriage. Yes, maybe some will tough it out for decades because of the kids or finances or whatever. But it is like a box of dynamite in a hot storage building, just waiting for an opportunity to detonate. The HD partner's resentment builds to a breaking point eventually.

And why should they put up with it? We don't marry so we will have a golf partner or someone to watch TV with, or share the household chores with. How many guys on here complaining that they do all of the household chores and the wife still doesn't jump his bones? She didn't get married to have someone wash the dishes or clean the kitchen.

People get married to share sex with one another (a lot) and procreate. If that ain't happening, what is the point?
Yeah I agree but the numbers I see don't reflect that as it seems like many are unhappy. I have said it before, a few of you have been fortunate to find comparable partners....the rest of us have to keep looking.

And I want to believe your last sentence is true about people getting married for sex but I just don't believe it based on what I have seen and read.
 

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BTW my 3:1 figure was based on myself as an example but also a few months of reading r/deadbedrooms as well as some posts on TAM. That’s not to say 3:1 is great, but the marriage is not in crisis at that point. Worse than that and yeah it’s in crisis.
You should TM that, something like the Golden SD Ratio ;)

But at least he is not frustrated with his situation as much as if he was Hi and she was Lo.
He isn't frustrated, but is she? Without closely matched sex drives, someone is always going to be left feeling a little unsatisfied.
 

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Yeah I agree but the numbers I see don't reflect that as it seems like many are unhappy. I have said it before, a few of you have been fortunate to find comparable partners....the rest of us have to keep looking.

And I want to believe your last sentence is true about people getting married for sex but I just don't believe it based on what I have seen and read.
Some interesting stats from a survey of about 2,000 people on a site a frequent for information.

 

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Three cogent points from that survey IMO:
  1. I think we have bought into the idea that women don’t want sex.
  2. I think men are terrified of rejection, more than anything else in the world.
  3. I think we preemptively guess that there are going to be rejections, so we don’t initiate as often as we feel desire, and as a result, we miss out on a lot of opportunities.
This is obviously written by a man. By and large a man expects and is expected to be the initiator. If he doesn't initiate, the wife will begin thinking her husband doesn't desire her, creating resentment and insecurity, death spiral. Someone mentioned "asking" the wife for sex. I have been married a very long time and have NEVER 'asked'. That just seems such a foreign concept to me. She very well knows when I am interested lol.

I will also acknowledge beng blessed that my wife has NEVER 'rejected' my advances. We have both always enjoyed one another's company. If there is a physical problem, she will preempt before things get out of hand by saying something like :"the pizza we had for dinner isn't agreeing with my stomach" or similar and offer to take care of my situation by other means. And if the stomach calms down late in evening, she may wake ME up. But "too tired" or "have a headache" or "that's all you think about", nope.
 

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I have been married a very long time and have NEVER 'asked'. That just seems such a foreign concept to me. She very well knows when I am interested lol.
This is key. In our marriage sex is assumed to be on the table. That doesn't mean it always happens 100% of the time, but my wife knows I will ALWAYS be interested in sex with her. I don't ever ask outright, unless it fits with the moment and I use it as part of initiation. I'll only ask, Wanna F?, if I know the answer will be an emphatic YES! Otherwise I do things to get her turned on and it will happen organically.

And when I say always, I mean always. My wife occasionally has trouble sleeping. In some of those instances she will wake me up at 2am to have sex cause she knows I'll be down for it before my eyes are even completely open, lol, and an good session will help put her to sleep.
 

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I will also add that very few women with a 1 year old are going to be sexpots.

If you are expecting high-octane, monkey sex every day in an 8 year relationship with 3 kids including a one year, that is not entirely realistic.

If you’ve been with 200 chicks, I am going to assume that you are used to picking up drunk, single party girls and bored, frustrated married women in clubs and bars and the gym etc. perhaps even been involved in the swinging lifestyle or been with some level of “professionals” or sugar babies etc.

That is all a completely different dynamic than marital sex in an 8 relationship with young children/baby in the home.

There are concessions and sacrifices that are made to have a stable, secure and functional family unit in a marriage with young children and hot, wild, sweaty, breathless porn sex all the time is often one of them.

And there are concessions and sacrifices to made by picking up different 23 year old single, drunk, party girls week after week and one of those is often having an ongoing, stable, healthy home and family in marriage.

At point in all of this you are going to have to search your feelings and your values and determine whether chasing tail and chasing that New Pssy Energy or a stable healthy home life is more important to you.
YES TO ALL YOU SAID HERE!!! Older mid-50s gal here,....been married almost 37 yrs, and I don't get it at ALL!!! Been over 6 years without FOR ME!! It dropped off the planet with my husband, with no explanations that are anything remotely close to anything of value or truth...I believe he's cheated several times as no man goes from sex a few times a month, or the few years prior, it was about 5-6x a year, but it all started waning when he tried to control it back in 06! Totally him doing so. He went to a Dr appt, I went with him, and he mentioned to the Dr that he was having ED issues....UHHHH first time I HAD HEARD THIS FROM HIM...he'd never discussed it with me AT ALL!!!! That is when he started controlling our sex life. He had a huge porn issue from the early 2000s, into the mid-2000s, but I'm sure it's been all these years since I just quit putting in efforts to try to track it,... it's exhausting. Mind you,, I am an attractive woman, not searching but I am sick and tired of NOT having ANY PHYSICAL touch, intimacy, SEX....no needs to be met except for a toy which he hated for decades...it freaked him out he would say that I bought a toy over 22 yrs ago. It was forbidden prior to, as he would seriously degrade me for wanting one. Of course, he had always been quite the selfish lover,....I didn't have my 1st orgasm until 9 yrs into our marriage. I tried to experiment with him, have fun, but he was stoic, just wham bam,...done. He NEVER tried to satisfy me....it was only by accident that we discovered a few pleasurable ways that I could orgasm....then after that...I wanted more, and more,...he didn't seem to want to put forth the efforts for my pleasure, just his. I believe he is a narcissist! He used to be more overt, now very covert, maybe malignant too. Tons of shady behaviors, lying daily I tell ya. So the sex on top of all of this...It's so much to contend with but with 4 grown children, almost 10 grandchildren....a long life together...I wish to try to keep it together yet he's making no efforts...literally no efforts....marriage therapy he begged me to go to, he absolutely would NOT do anything the therapists stated, but then again, I think he charmed her, lied to her to manipulate her with his 1st visit by himself with her for content. He put me in the hot seat every session, to take anything away from himself, refused to address real issues, his behaviors, his deceit, lies, etc, etc..It's truly insane behavior. If this guy Lawrence N needs or thinks he needs that much sex....maybe some therapy to figure out what's really going on as that's very excessive, but also like you stated.....over 200 partners? Gees.....Although I do commend him for doing his part in housework etc,...My husband...damn near our entire marriage, has not put forth efforts to do his part in housework, etc. Now we are empty-nesters, he acts like I am solely supposed to cater to him, he does treat me like I am supposed to be his mother yet will state rude, disrespectful things to me if 'he' thinks I am questioning him, his words, actions that 'he' deems may be as a mother!!! My thinking on that....If he'd not act like a petulant entitled child, then, of course, I wouldn't be asking things, needing answers for anything of his extremely questionable behaviors, words, and actions!
 

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YES TO ALL YOU SAID HERE!!! Older mid-50s gal here,....been married almost 37 yrs, and I don't get it at ALL!!! Been over 6 years without FOR ME!! It dropped off the planet with my husband, with no explanations that are anything remotely close to anything of value or truth...I believe he's cheated several times as no man goes from sex a few times a month, or the few years prior, it was about 5-6x a year, but it all started waning when he tried to control it back in 06! Totally him doing so. He went to a Dr appt, I went with him, and he mentioned to the Dr that he was having ED issues....UHHHH first time I HAD HEARD THIS FROM HIM...he'd never discussed it with me AT ALL!!!! That is when he started controlling our sex life. He had a huge porn issue from the early 2000s, into the mid-2000s, but I'm sure it's been all these years since I just quit putting in efforts to try to track it,... it's exhausting. Mind you,, I am an attractive woman, not searching but I am sick and tired of NOT having ANY PHYSICAL touch, intimacy, SEX....no needs to be met except for a toy which he hated for decades...it freaked him out he would say that I bought a toy over 22 yrs ago. It was forbidden prior to, as he would seriously degrade me for wanting one. Of course, he had always been quite the selfish lover,....I didn't have my 1st orgasm until 9 yrs into our marriage. I tried to experiment with him, have fun, but he was stoic, just wham bam,...done. He NEVER tried to satisfy me....it was only by accident that we discovered a few pleasurable ways that I could orgasm....then after that...I wanted more, and more,...he didn't seem to want to put forth the efforts for my pleasure, just his. I believe he is a narcissist! He used to be more overt, now very covert, maybe malignant too. Tons of shady behaviors, lying daily I tell ya. So the sex on top of all of this...It's so much to contend with but with 4 grown children, almost 10 grandchildren....a long life together...I wish to try to keep it together yet he's making no efforts...literally no efforts....marriage therapy he begged me to go to, he absolutely would NOT do anything the therapists stated, but then again, I think he charmed her, lied to her to manipulate her with his 1st visit by himself with her for content. He put me in the hot seat every session, to take anything away from himself, refused to address real issues, his behaviors, his deceit, lies, etc, etc..It's truly insane behavior. If this guy Lawrence N needs or thinks he needs that much sex....maybe some therapy to figure out what's really going on as that's very excessive, but also like you stated.....over 200 partners? Gees.....Although I do commend him for doing his part in housework etc,...My husband...damn near our entire marriage, has not put forth efforts to do his part in housework, etc. Now we are empty-nesters, he acts like I am solely supposed to cater to him, he does treat me like I am supposed to be his mother yet will state rude, disrespectful things to me if 'he' thinks I am questioning him, his words, actions that 'he' deems may be as a mother!!! My thinking on that....If he'd not act like a petulant entitled child, then, of course, I wouldn't be asking things, needing answers for anything of his extremely questionable behaviors, words, and actions!
So why in the hell are you still married to this POS?
 

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Some interesting stats from a survey of about 2,000 people on a site a frequent for information.

Interesting. I like how the perceptions of turning down the spouse for sex are differing. Men see it one way and women the other. I can relate to that as my wife thinks she never says No but I have been tracking it since many here talked about sex journals a while back and I get turned down around 60% of the time (30 - 40% success rate) yet she will say "I only say No a few times per week". Which is partially true as I am initiating around 5-7 times per week and she'll say No around 3-4 times. I guess it all is perception?
 

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Three cogent points from that survey IMO:
  1. I think we have bought into the idea that women don’t want sex.
  2. I think men are terrified of rejection, more than anything else in the world.
  3. I think we preemptively guess that there are going to be rejections, so we don’t initiate as often as we feel desire, and as a result, we miss out on a lot of opportunities.
This is obviously written by a man. By and large a man expects and is expected to be the initiator. If he doesn't initiate, the wife will begin thinking her husband doesn't desire her, creating resentment and insecurity, death spiral. Someone mentioned "asking" the wife for sex. I have been married a very long time and have NEVER 'asked'. That just seems such a foreign concept to me. She very well knows when I am interested lol.

I will also acknowledge beng blessed that my wife has NEVER 'rejected' my advances. We have both always enjoyed one another's company. If there is a physical problem, she will preempt before things get out of hand by saying something like :"the pizza we had for dinner isn't agreeing with my stomach" or similar and offer to take care of my situation by other means. And if the stomach calms down late in evening, she may wake ME up. But "too tired" or "have a headache" or "that's all you think about", nope.
Well in your 50 years plus marriage, I have made up for all of your rejections. Somehow I ended up getting all of YOURS AND mine along the way!
 

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And I am sure something is wrong that she doesn't want it more...unless its me??? Maybe I want it too much?
All normal, healthy creatures of the animal kingdom have a deep, driving instinct to mate.

The ones that didn’t are long gone.

If someone has zero interest in being with their partner, there is either -

#1: something wrong with them physiologically or psychologically.

#2:
Something about their partner that turns them off (or fails to turn them on)

Or #3: something fundamentally flawed with the relationship (often relating back to 1 and/or 2)
 

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All normal, healthy creatures of the animal kingdom have a deep, driving instinct to mate.

The ones that didn’t are long gone.

If someone has zero interest in being with their partner, there is either -

#1: something wrong with them physiologically or psychologically.

#2:
Something about their partner that turns them off (or fails to turn them on)

Or #3: something fundamentally flawed with the relationship (often relating back to 1 and/or 2)
But I think the instinct to mate and have casual sex are two different things. Mating to produce offspring is appreciated by many especially when younger. Having sex later in life just just for the fun of sex seems to not be as appreciated by many.
 

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Interesting. I like how the perceptions of turning down the spouse for sex are differing. Men see it one way and women the other. I can relate to that as my wife thinks she never says No but I have been tracking it since many here talked about sex journals a while back and I get turned down around 60% of the time (30 - 40% success rate) yet she will say "I only say No a few times per week". Which is partially true as I am initiating around 5-7 times per week and she'll say No around 3-4 times. I guess it all is perception?
It absolutely is perception. You can even agree on an objective metric, but see it differently. 1/week for your is starvation and 1/week for her is plentiful.
 
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