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I’m telling you… she’s trapped me. She won in that regard. I was a fool to marry her… even though I’ve not been foolish with women in my past.
You are only a prisoner because you allow yourself to be one. You have trapped yourself inside of your head.

Your kids and your wife are really separate issues. Divorcing her doesn't mean you don't see your kids anymore. Instead, they have a more settled and happy father instead of one who feels a fool for marrying their mother. You are aware surely that there are millions of divorced parents with good relationships with their children, cooperatively parenting the kids. There are maybe half of marriages that end in a divorce. The couple can't stand their spouses, but dearly love their kids. And the kids do fine. I observe up close family and friends that prove this is true.

It would be different if you hadn't had experiences to know that living in a sexually dysfunctional marriage isn't normal, You know from your early experience with 200 (?!) women that your "wife" is a definite outlier. And you know she was fully capable of at least faking it with 80 other men and you until the knot was tied. So she at least had some degree of libido once. Don't you think that divorcing and losing the daily resentment you have now will make the next 2-3 decades of life worth living instead of miserable?
 

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You know that she doesn't love you because she knows that she is hurting you and people do not continually hurt people that they love. I admire your dedication to your kids. It would kill me too seeing another man raise my kids and you know that if you divorce, she will immediately go out on the prowl to find your replacement to trap.

Nothing you have tried works, so if it were me, I would cut her off. Don't meet any of her needs. No more flowers, trinkets, cars, landscaping or furniture. Nothing. Don't put gas in her car, don't open the pickle jar for her. Take care of yourself and your kids and do nothing for her. Take the kids out for dinner and a movie and tell her that she's not invited. Eventually, when she starts b****ing about it, tell her that she's not meeting your needs so you will no longer be meeting hers. You tried playing nice, time to go scorched earth on her.
 

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Therein lies the problem, he isn’t going to be happy with getting his needs met, he wants his wife to actually want sex with him, to be romantically interested……. There’s no fix for that. Maybe hypnotism?
love potion #9???

divorce her. There’s no men that are going to be likely to raise your kids because she will mistreat them the same way. She’s a con artist.

Or, con her as well and stop treating her as a wife. It’s not like you’re getting treated as a husband. If she wants to stay married in this manner, give her what she wants….. just go get what you want as well.
 

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Therein lies the problem, he isn’t going to be happy with getting his needs met, he wants his wife to actually want sex with him, to be romantically interested……. There’s no fix for that. Maybe hypnotism?
love potion #9???

divorce her. There’s no men that are going to be likely to raise your kids because she will mistreat them the same way. She’s a con artist.

Or, con her as well and stop treating her as a wife. It’s not like you’re getting treated as a husband. If she wants to stay married in this manner, give her what she wants….. just go get what you want as well.
Amen to this! I just ran in to a bout with my husband - I was being patient with him - flirty. Trying to get in to his head space and the porn out. Then Friday, I found out that my attempts failed. I was heart broken. So I texted him yesterday and told him to bare with me while I tried to get my feelings in order because on one end - i knew that I was failing and felt that I should stop chasing him because he obviously doesn't want it but then on the other end - I never want to give up on my husband. At the end of the day - he came to me crying, telling me that I was right and he was in the wrong and that he was going to work on it. Long story short -

Give her a taste of her own medicine and do you for a while. If they don't want us to peruse them and chase them - then stop for a while. It sucks and it hurts but sometimes we have to do it.
 

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Personally I couldn't have left my children and only see them some of the time but that's me. I would have sacrificed anything for my children. I could never have left them.

Talk to your wife. Tell her what you have said here and how unhappy you are. If you want sex daily and she wants sex once a week or 10 days maybe you can compromise to say twice a week?
Is having sex because she loves you and wants you to be happy so bad?
Yes, however, than all he gets is that duty sex.
That, also is hurtful and not satisfying.

His wife told her friend that she only puts out to keep her husband happy.

It could very well be, that the wife still enjoys sex, just not with her husband.

1) She may resent him.
2) She may not find him sexually attractive.
3) She takes care of her needs with her BOB, because her husband does not do it for her.
4) She has a boyfriend.

One of these would be my guess.



Lilith-
 

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Yes, however, than all he gets is that duty sex.
That, also is hurtful and not satisfying.

His wife told her friend that she only puts out to keep her husband happy.

It could very well be, that the wife still enjoys sex, just not with her husband.

1) She may resent him.
2) She may not find him sexually attractive.
3) She takes care of her needs with her BOB, because her husband does not do it for her.
4) She has a boyfriend.

One of these would be my guess.



Lilith-
Or she's a lesbian
 

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Yes, however, than all he gets is that duty sex.
That, also is hurtful and not satisfying.

His wife told her friend that she only puts out to keep her husband happy.

It could very well be, that the wife still enjoys sex, just not with her husband.

1) She may resent him.
2) She may not find him sexually attractive.
3) She takes care of her needs with her BOB, because her husband does not do it for her.
4) She has a boyfriend.

One of these would be my guess.



Lilith-
Or maybe ALL of them
 

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I don't know. A woman that hopped on 80 wangs before marrying a man makes a pretty bad lesbian.

Somebody needs to clue her in so she stops eating at hot dog stands if she wants tacos.😉
I have quite a few family members that have been with a lot of men.. probably more than 80

And even more women. It's possible

Maybe having children broke her?
 

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Maybe she's done with men.
And she's done with "hards".
 

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I have quite a few family members that have been with a lot of men.. probably more than 80

And even more women. It's possible

Maybe having children broke her?
Let's go with no on that. I've no proof mind you, of course, but it at least seems women have been having sex, kids, and still have sex for a few years now historically speaking,
some would say forever.
 

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Nothing kills sexual passion in women like marriage. Good luck to you!
I know thats a big generalization but aside from what I read here, I think its true. Most of my guys friends complain about their sex lives and in many of the online places I hang out that are like this place, its far more guys talking about their poor sex lives than good ones.

There are indeed some fortunate men (and women) here but when I read and see the general stats, it appears more people are unhappy in their married sex life than happy?
 

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Yes, however, than all he gets is that duty sex.
That, also is hurtful and not satisfying.

His wife told her friend that she only puts out to keep her husband happy.

It could very well be, that the wife still enjoys sex, just not with her husband.

1) She may resent him.
2) She may not find him sexually attractive.
3) She takes care of her needs with her BOB, because her husband does not do it for her.
4) She has a boyfriend.

One of these would be my guess.



Lilith-
I would add a #5 She is just no longer interested in sex.

I think that happens too.
 

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I know thats a big generalization but aside from what I read here, I think its true. Most of my guys friends complain about their sex lives and in many of the online places I hang out that are like this place, its far more guys talking about their poor sex lives than good ones.

There are indeed some fortunate men (and women) here but when I read and see the general stats, it appears more people are unhappy in their married sex life than happy?
That’s my experience too. Not that it makes it better.
 

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Yeah having a high libidio works against many (both men and women).

That guy in the other thread who said his wife wants sex way more than he does might be in the best situation?
Not really. @ccpowerslave said ( and sounds right to me ) that difference in ideal frequency of more than 3:1 HD:LD was trouble zone no matter gender. If a couple can't get to within that band, their marriage is headed for certain trouble. So if the OP you are thinking of is ok twice a month and his wife wants it every other day, that is a ratio of 1:7 husband:wife. She is going to be going for the pool maintenance guy or UPS delivery driver unless the husband more than doubles his effort.

Neither gender is going to want to live long with a dud for a partner in a marriage. Yes, maybe some will tough it out for decades because of the kids or finances or whatever. But it is like a box of dynamite in a hot storage building, just waiting for an opportunity to detonate. The HD partner's resentment builds to a breaking point eventually.

And why should they put up with it? We don't marry so we will have a golf partner or someone to watch TV with, or share the household chores with. How many guys on here complaining that they do all of the household chores and the wife still doesn't jump his bones? She didn't get married to have someone wash the dishes or clean the kitchen.

People get married to share sex with one another (a lot) and procreate. If that ain't happening, what is the point?
 

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BTW my 3:1 figure was based on myself as an example but also a few months of reading r/deadbedrooms as well as some posts on TAM. That’s not to say 3:1 is great, but the marriage is not in crisis at that point. Worse than that and yeah it’s in crisis.
 

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Yeah having a high libidio works against many (both men and women).

That guy in the other thread who said his wife wants sex way more than he does might be in the best situation?
For whooo, said the Wise Owl?

Not for her, she is unsatisfied.
Not for him, he is low dee.
 
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