In case you didn’t notice, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek when I wrote that post.Best post ever on TAM! They can call it quits and shut the site down now!
I like your extreme example but I do think the first paragraph has some merit. You might be able to get your spouse to agree to more sex but it may just be them acting to keep you happy,
Sex to keep me happy. Should I stay or should I go?
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And yet it had some truth to it.
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I guess I don't understand why that is necessarily a bad thing. That seems like it could be an act of generosity and some people truly enjoy being generous.Best post ever on TAM! They can call it quits and shut the site down now!
I like your extreme example but I do think the first paragraph has some merit. You might be able to get your spouse to agree to more sex but it may just be them acting to keep you happy,
200 women? 80 men? Come on man.
Doing the math, they have been together 8 years. If they are both 40 he had 200 women in say 14 years or 168 months. So he was changing women every 3-4 weeks the whole time. In her case 80 men in 168 months is a new one every couple of months. I was curious how either one of them found that many different intimate partners. Maybe in a major metropolitan area.
I don't believe have even had 200 acquaintances in nearly 8 decades on this planet.
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I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or believe what you've written here.
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Yeah but it ads up quick when you have 8 or 9 chicks in your bed at the same time. Threesomes are so lame.
Read my post #421
8 r 9 ??!?? 😮
How would that even be feasible?
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Gotcha.
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I can see it if you're just hooking up and partying for a while.
The body count could get pretty high if you're just partying and fing.
It is probably unusual for people to have their combined numbers but not unheard of.
Pair bonding should have been affected for both of them though.
The numbers don't throw me for a loop but the fact these two could get married and raise children raises an eyebrow.
The body count could get pretty high if you're just partying and fing.
It is probably unusual for people to have their combined numbers but not unheard of.
Pair bonding should have been affected for both of them though.
The numbers don't throw me for a loop but the fact these two could get married and raise children raises an eyebrow.
OP answered my conjecture back in post 118 May of 2022. He was sexually active since 13 (?!) for 22 years. So 10 women a year. Evidently very irresistible to females, accordingly very experienced.
These threads are amazing. Dormant for months and then pick back up. OP alluded to things improving in his recent posts.
Just an aside, body count evidently counts for nothing. One guy has a 200 count and problems in marriage. I have count of exactly one and very happy very long marriage. Go figure.
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Actually, numbers have been shown to have a negative impact.
We are both in long term, successful marriages but couples with higher body counts have less of a chance at succeeding.
Racking up sexual partners affects women more negatively than men but it does affect both as has been observed and studied.
I would have liked to have only been with my wife for sure.
OP and his wife may have had their pair bonding damaged by their earlier promiscuity.
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Just cheat on her. Then it's done. Over. It's not that hard to put out, if she cared she'd do it more for you. People leave over sex all the time - infidelity. You're not allowed to have sex with others but she rejects you and watches you suffer because she won't put out and meet your needs? It's as bad as cheating as far as I'm concerned.
They hand you BS like: "It's my body you're not entitled to sex." Which is totally false, you're married you're entitled to sex. She's not entitled to a marriage.
"What you're going to leave just because you can't have sex whenever you want it?!?" This one just F's me off. It's really that you can almost never have sex when the urge takes you, it's never on your terms, it's always some routine lights off bed time BS. In the early days of the relationship it was sex on tap, sex whenever you wanted it, good sex, lying there naked for hours on end. Then they forget and slowly the sex dries up and they develop this stupid attitude about it. Hard next. Women don't understand how soul destroying this for men. When I go on holiday I think about the sex we're going to have, it's no.1. For her it's way down the list.
They hand you BS like: "It's my body you're not entitled to sex." Which is totally false, you're married you're entitled to sex. She's not entitled to a marriage.
"What you're going to leave just because you can't have sex whenever you want it?!?" This one just F's me off. It's really that you can almost never have sex when the urge takes you, it's never on your terms, it's always some routine lights off bed time BS. In the early days of the relationship it was sex on tap, sex whenever you wanted it, good sex, lying there naked for hours on end. Then they forget and slowly the sex dries up and they develop this stupid attitude about it. Hard next. Women don't understand how soul destroying this for men. When I go on holiday I think about the sex we're going to have, it's no.1. For her it's way down the list.
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OP has been working so hard on himself trying to fix his relationship….. admirable. However, In absent us is right in that he’s still getting duty sex, just a little more of it. OP has started saying things like “I don’t need sex to make me happy”….. it’s obvious he’s basically getting no desire from his wife and is doing everything he can to talk himself into being ok with it. He’s actually seen his wife tell a friend that she’s only having sex to placate him. I don’t think that attitude has changed at all based on what he’s written.
What really stands out is she says if he steps out and gets sex elsewhere, she’s gone.
I see this as a marriage with zero romance, and therefore a marriage not worth having. OP is likely to find that the sex goes to zero in a relatively short time. He’s going to find himself staying for the kids, and once she figures out he will do that—— dead bedroom.
My advice is to make plans to put her down the road. Saying sex is no longer needed to be happy is just a way to cope with knowing his wife has zero desire for him, which is a dealbreaker for me. It doesn’t have to be for the OP, but I doubt it’s really all that inspiring to him to be in the situation.
What really stands out is she says if he steps out and gets sex elsewhere, she’s gone.
I see this as a marriage with zero romance, and therefore a marriage not worth having. OP is likely to find that the sex goes to zero in a relatively short time. He’s going to find himself staying for the kids, and once she figures out he will do that—— dead bedroom.
My advice is to make plans to put her down the road. Saying sex is no longer needed to be happy is just a way to cope with knowing his wife has zero desire for him, which is a dealbreaker for me. It doesn’t have to be for the OP, but I doubt it’s really all that inspiring to him to be in the situation.
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Great post. The alternative solution is for each of you to transform into a new, different person on a regular basis. What might be called "growing".
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up."
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balls."
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^^^^^this is spot on^^^^^
I don't always feel hungry when I make my husband dinner but I recognise he has a need and do my best to fulfill it. Imagine if I then get berated and threatened with divorce because I wasn't hungry when he was or didn't enjoy the meal as much as him.
Different people have different needs. It sounds like the wife cares more for her husbands happiness than he does for hers. Perhaps she should leave.
I dont believe that partners (men and women) who are having duty sex are doing it because they fear divorce but because they are doing their best to provide for their (usually ungrateful) partners needs.
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Sorry do disagree, but - as a need - having something stuffed between your legs is slightly different than cooking a plate of spaghetti for your husband. And I am a man.
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