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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife and I have a total of eight years together. We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Our problem is this… we have different sexual needs. (I need it daily). (My wife needs it never… I just overheard her say, to a friend of hers, she only “puts out” to make me happy. We have sex maybe 2 or 3 times per month… maybe. The other 27 days I get rejected). It’s a really ****ty feeling to know that my wife isn’t interested me, physically, but I know I can go out one night and find several women that are able and willing.

It’s been so bad that I’m thinking of divorcing her. I don’t understand the point of marriage if physical intimacy isn’t something both people long for? My love language is Physical Touch…. So physical intimacy is very important to me.

I stay in our marriage so that I don’t lose time with our children. It may sound crazy… to me my children are as important as oxygen. I cannot leave my wife because I then lose time with my children.

We have both been with a lot of partners previous to the start of our relationship. She’s been with about 80 men. I’ve been with about 200 women. It’s very frustrating to know that my wife had such a feverish, sexual, appetite and could care less about our sex life. I took vows… so I will not step out on her but I’m in the prime of my life and my career. Sex, passionate, sweaty, playful, erotic, hot, steamy, loud, amazing, aggressive, lustful, connecting, sex is a craving for me. (Don’t wives need sex like I do or do women get married to trap men? I feel so trapped! I swear the only time she wants sex is either “to keep me happy” or upgrade her lifestyle by purchasing some big ticket item).

Some of you may say that I should try doting more on my wife…
(I tell her daily how much I love her and how sexy I find her and every word I tell us true. She’s sexy and I love her deeply).
Some of you may offer that she could be stressed with her career, chores and child rearing… we have three children… 11 year, 4 year and one year old.
(I don’t understand what else I can help her with? I have a much more demanding career than that of my wife but I still need sex. I somehow find the time to complete 75 - 80% of the household chores. Child rearing is about a 50% between the two of us).
Some people may respond to my thoughts with: are you an Alpha male? Women long for decisive, strong, confident men… blah blah blah…
(I am as Alpha as a man can be. My career demands me to make huge financial decisions on the spot. I manage about 55 million dollars worth of product, daily, and I cannot make mistakes. I have numerous awards for a job well done. I also manage about 100 men that know not to argue with me because I’m typically right. I take zero **** from anyone. I work out. I eat clean and I’m in great physical condition).
I do not and will not apologize for my sexual cravings. I am a man that knows exactly what I want from life. I am very open to telling people exactly what I need from them… at work and at home. (How are people supposed to know what you need them to do if you don’t tell them?)

It’s absolutely embarrassing to be rejected constantly, by my wife, and then to overhear Her say… “I have sex with him to keep him happy”.

I have read posts on here about women in my boots and I just don’t understand how their men aren’t into the benefits of a healthy sex life with their women?

Should I stay or shoukd I go?…. Your thoughts?
 

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I don’t know if leaving will make you feel better because there are many benefits to marriage that being single won’t give to you. You’ll be (maybe) satisfied sexually, but you’ll miss the positives of being married to your wife. (I’m assuming there are positives)

It’s interesting that she had an active sex life before you and now it’s nearly non-existent. Have you really shared with her how this makes you feel? Like not right after she rejects you but just like when you’re alone? I think counseling could help because it’s not fair to you and she may have some issues you don’t know about.

In that setting, you can air all of your frustration and hurt with an objective party to listen and help you.
 

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Personally I couldn't have left my children and only see them some of the time but that's me. I would have sacrificed anything for my children. I could never have left them.

Talk to your wife. Tell her what you have said here and how unhappy you are. If you want sex daily and she wants sex once a week or 10 days maybe you can compromise to say twice a week?
Is having sex because she loves you and wants you to be happy so bad?
 

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I can't really offer much information as I am in a similar situation. But I will say you sound young (maybe late 30s or 40s I am guessing) so don't wait on her to change or for things to get better as it likely won't...maybe only get worse.

Don't be an older guy like me wishing you had made the decision sooner.

I know divorce sucks and I probably should take my own advice. Its just tougher when you are older. You just have to ask yourself if you can be happy with "duty" sex and watching porn the rest of your life or not?

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
@oldshirt it’s not quite every day that I advance on her… but pretty close to it. Do you suggest I just wash my hands and walk away from our sex life? She’ll get exactly what she wants. She’ll have a fancy house, fancy cars, three children, a couple dogs, a husband that comes home to her every night and she doesn’t have to “put out”. She wins… I lose. Sounds reasonable if I were a ****.
 

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I cannot leave my wife because I then lose time with my children.
If the above is true, then, I can't understand your question " should I stay, or should I go?" because the only answer is that you should stay, otherwise you're negating your above statement. Nothing that you say or do will matter since you will not leave because of your children.
Suck it up, and take her to a sex therapist to see if there's something that can be done.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
@deidre
There are Positives and Negatives to marriage. Yin Yang. Of course I find value in being married to my wife. I’m not sure that you understand what rejection does to a man though? I find myself thinking about and questioning my marriage a lot… how could my wife have given herself to all those other men but turn her husband away so often? I cannot figure out how her sexual cravings have dried up.

There’s is nothing wrong with her health. I have shared with her that I’m prepared to leave and find someone, new, that speaks my love language. She would have the opportunity to do the same. I’m very rational. If happiness is out there for her or myself… why hold back? I have spoken my peace enough. I think I have coke across as too needy the more I discussed the topic. I don’t enjoy the feeling of exposing myself to def ears so I stopped talking about it. Now we are just passionless roommates. I’ve asked her to go to counciling and she isn’t keen on the idea.
 

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I will also add that very few women with a 1 year old are going to be sexpots.

If you are expecting high-octane, monkey sex every day in an 8 year relationship with 3 kids including a one year, that is not entirely realistic.

If you’ve been with 200 chicks, I am going to assume that you are used to picking up drunk, single party girls and bored, frustrated married women in clubs and bars and the gym etc. perhaps even been involved in the swinging lifestyle or been with some level of “professionals” or sugar babies etc.

That is all a completely different dynamic than marital sex in an 8 relationship with young children/baby in the home.

There are concessions and sacrifices that are made to have a stable, secure and functional family unit in a marriage with young children and hot, wild, sweaty, breathless porn sex all the time is often one of them.

And there are concessions and sacrifices to made by picking up different 23 year old single, drunk, party girls week after week and one of those is often having an ongoing, stable, healthy home and family in marriage.

At point in all of this you are going to have to search your feelings and your values and determine whether chasing tail and chasing that New Pssy Energy or a stable healthy home life is more important to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
@Diana7
I cannot leave my children either. Our oldest daughter is my wife’s from a previous man. It breaks my heart to watch her travel between homes every other week. Our two kitties are mine. I cannot go a day with out them… that’s why I’m in such a tuff spot. I couldn’t imagine another man raising my children.

I’ve spoken to my wife in excess. Things don’t change. She knows she has me trapped… I’m in a tuff spot.

I do not want a sex life that is planned out… sex twice a week or three times per month doesn’t work for me. (Currently we are sexual about twice a month and im starved for it). Yes… a sex life, with my wife, is bad if the only reason she does it is to make me happy. I want a sex life where both partners can’t keep their hands, bodies and minds off each other. Duty sex is not something I’m interested in. I may as well have sex with a prostitute… they only have duty sex.




Talk to your wife. Tell her what you have said here and how unhappy you are. If you want sex daily and she wants sex once a week or 10 days maybe you can compromise to say twice a week?
Is having sex because she loves you and wants you to be happy so bad?
[/QUOTE]
 

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Why would you bring home the bacon and then some, then come gone and do 70-80% of the household chores and 50% of the child care, and settle for basically a sexless marriage? You’d still get the kids 50% of the time if you divorce.

It’s not only about the sex, it’s about the lack of romantic interest and desire. Correct? I mean, you never take your wife out on a date, and both be starving to jump in bed with one another??? If not, you’re missing some of the best in life.

I’d bail. Not because of only the lack of sex, but because your side has no romantic interest in you, as a wife should.
 

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Now that all being said, I do I stand your dilemma because sexuality is very important to me as well and you do have a right as a human being to be with someone who genuinely wants to be with you as well.

If she truly does not want to be with you intimately and is only putting out to get a new handbag or tennis bracelet, They you might as well go back to escorts and sugar babies and drunk party girls because they at least want the return business and the validation of having a fun night after the club.

Your needs do matter, but it is damming that she is admitting she doesn’t actually want to be with you.

As you are wrestling between the thought of breaking up a marriage vs living the rest of your days with a woman that doesn’t want you, This is a good case for marital counseling and possibly sex therapy to see if there is some common ground or somewhere in the middle that meets your needs while also being enjoyable and positive for her.

And if MC cannot fund common ground, then you can make an informed decision on whether this marriage is where you want to be or not.
 

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My wife and I have a total of eight years together. We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Our problem is this… we have different sexual needs. (I need it daily). (My wife needs it never… I just overheard her say, to a friend of hers, she only “puts out” to make me happy. We have sex maybe 2 or 3 times per month… maybe. The other 27 days I get rejected). It’s a really ****ty feeling to know that my wife isn’t interested me, physically, but I know I can go out one night and find several women that are able and willing.

It’s been so bad that I’m thinking of divorcing her. I don’t understand the point of marriage if physical intimacy isn’t something both people long for? My love language is Physical Touch…. So physical intimacy is very important to me.

I stay in our marriage so that I don’t lose time with our children. It may sound crazy… to me my children are as important as oxygen. I cannot leave my wife because I then lose time with my children.

We have both been with a lot of partners previous to the start of our relationship. She’s been with about 80 men. I’ve been with about 200 women. It’s very frustrating to know that my wife had such a feverish, sexual, appetite and could care less about our sex life. I took vows… so I will not step out on her but I’m in the prime of my life and my career. Sex, passionate, sweaty, playful, erotic, hot, steamy, loud, amazing, aggressive, lustful, connecting, sex is a craving for me. (Don’t wives need sex like I do or do women get married to trap men? I feel so trapped! I swear the only time she wants sex is either “to keep me happy” or upgrade her lifestyle by purchasing some big ticket item).

Some of you may say that I should try doting more on my wife…


Some of you may offer that she could be stressed with her career, chores and child rearing… we have three children… 11 year, 4 year and one year old.


Some people may respond to my thoughts with: are you an Alpha male? Women long for decisive, strong, confident men… blah blah blah…


I do not and will not apologize for my sexual cravings. I am a man that knows exactly what I want from life. I am very open to telling people exactly what I need from them… at work and at home. (How are people supposed to know what you need them to do if you don’t tell them?)

It’s absolutely embarrassing to be rejected constantly, by my wife, and then to overhear Her say… “I have sex with him to keep him happy”.

I have read posts on here about women in my boots and I just don’t understand how their men aren’t into the benefits of a healthy sex life with their women?

Should I stay or shoukd I go?…. Your thoughts?
You can have all the arguments stacked up about how alpha you are or attentive etc. regardless of your view of yourself and how you would define yourself, it's how your wife views you and her definition of you that is the crux of your problem.

What you are to your wife is something non manly or nonsexual and more like a pet or roommate.

She is unfortunately treating you with behavior she knows she can get away with.

I wasn't with as many partners as you but I had my pick before Mrs. Conan captured me.

Others have referred to me with a lot of labels but this is what I can say truthfully about myself when it comes to sex, I don't play and I get laid.

I've always been no nonsense when it comes to sex and I haven't wasted time with women who weren't very committed to getting what they wanted in the bedroom.

Mrs. Conan was no different than any of the others in that regard and was in my bed within 8 or so hours of meeting me. She continued to not mess around and we almost lost our jobs the first week due to having sex so often.

Aside from one short period of time in 30 years, she doesn't deny me for sex ever.

I'm not a man to be denied my passion and my Mrs. also views me as that kind of man.

I was willing to leave her during that short time she tried to control and dole out the sex.

We still had a minor child at home but I was unwilling to put up with any nonsense and we got it resolved with never a look back.

I'm not a man to be denied but you are my friend.

That's not a slam, it's just the truth.
 

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@oldshirt it’s not quite every day that I advance on her… but pretty close to it. Do you suggest I just wash my hands and walk away from our sex life? She’ll get exactly what she wants. She’ll have a fancy house, fancy cars, three children, a couple dogs, a husband that comes home to her every night and she doesn’t have to “put out”. She wins… I lose. Sounds reasonable if I were a ****.
Read what people are actually writing.

No one is saying you should accept celibacy.

I’m saying you know she is only DTF a few times a month but yet you are pressuring her way more than what you know she is down for.

That’s simply being an ass.

By pressuring her way out of proportion to what you know she is down for, is leading to resentment and frustration in her and making her less included to get with you sexually.

If you wanting her to want to be with you and be with you out of her own desire, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

No one is saying to give up and walk away on your sex life, but you are going to need to seek a constructive means of dealing with the discrepancy in libido and a mutually agreeable solution.

This will probably require some professional counseling to determine some more positive means of conflict resolution and common ground in intimacy needs.
 

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My wife and I have a total of eight years together. We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Our problem is this… we have different sexual needs. (I need it daily). (My wife needs it never… I just overheard her say, to a friend of hers, she only “puts out” to make me happy. We have sex maybe 2 or 3 times per month… maybe. The other 27 days I get rejected). It’s a really ****ty feeling to know that my wife isn’t interested me, physically, but I know I can go out one night and find several women that are able and willing.

It’s been so bad that I’m thinking of divorcing her. I don’t understand the point of marriage if physical intimacy isn’t something both people long for? My love language is Physical Touch…. So physical intimacy is very important to me.

I stay in our marriage so that I don’t lose time with our children. It may sound crazy… to me my children are as important as oxygen. I cannot leave my wife because I then lose time with my children.

We have both been with a lot of partners previous to the start of our relationship. She’s been with about 80 men. I’ve been with about 200 women. It’s very frustrating to know that my wife had such a feverish, sexual, appetite and could care less about our sex life. I took vows… so I will not step out on her but I’m in the prime of my life and my career. Sex, passionate, sweaty, playful, erotic, hot, steamy, loud, amazing, aggressive, lustful, connecting, sex is a craving for me. (Don’t wives need sex like I do or do women get married to trap men? I feel so trapped! I swear the only time she wants sex is either “to keep me happy” or upgrade her lifestyle by purchasing some big ticket item).

Some of you may say that I should try doting more on my wife…


Some of you may offer that she could be stressed with her career, chores and child rearing… we have three children… 11 year, 4 year and one year old.


Some people may respond to my thoughts with: are you an Alpha male? Women long for decisive, strong, confident men… blah blah blah…


I do not and will not apologize for my sexual cravings. I am a man that knows exactly what I want from life. I am very open to telling people exactly what I need from them… at work and at home. (How are people supposed to know what you need them to do if you don’t tell them?)

It’s absolutely embarrassing to be rejected constantly, by my wife, and then to overhear Her say… “I have sex with him to keep him happy”.

I have read posts on here about women in my boots and I just don’t understand how their men aren’t into the benefits of a healthy sex life with their women?

Should I stay or shoukd I go?…. Your thoughts?
Go. Get joint custody and take care of your kids half of the week.

She has as much right to her needs as you do to yours and to you sex is much more of a priority than it is to her. You're just different. Her interest in all the different men may not have been rooted in sex as yours might have been when you were dating women. Sex isn't everything to most women like it is to a lot of men. They are hoping to find
something more more most of the time.

Things change as a person ages and especially as women have children. If you divorce her, going and sleeping with a bunch of guys is very likely not going to be her priority anymore. And she may or may not get out there and start looking for that something more that she thought she once found in you.

I suggest you stay single because you are not going to find many women who will want to have sex every day with you once the new has worn off. When things are exciting and you're just dating then you are more likely to get that kind of frequency. Good luck.
 

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There are lots of women between ages 35-45 that are sex crazed like teenage boys. Plenty of women want daily sex. OP just married a dud. He should correct the problem.
But that doesn't last forever. I was hit with that at age 49 but it only lasted a year, thank goodness. It was pretty miserable.
 

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@deidre
There are Positives and Negatives to marriage. Yin Yang. Of course I find value in being married to my wife. I’m not sure that you understand what rejection does to a man though? I find myself thinking about and questioning my marriage a lot… how could my wife have given herself to all those other men but turn her husband away so often? I cannot figure out how her sexual cravings have dried up.

There’s is nothing wrong with her health. I have shared with her that I’m prepared to leave and find someone, new, that speaks my love language. She would have the opportunity to do the same. I’m very rational. If happiness is out there for her or myself… why hold back? I have spoken my peace enough. I think I have coke across as too needy the more I discussed the topic. I don’t enjoy the feeling of exposing myself to def ears so I stopped talking about it. Now we are just passionless roommates. I’ve asked her to go to counciling and she isn’t keen on the idea.
I don't know what that type of rejection is like, but I can empathize that you're in a relationship that isn't working for you. I'm not saying you should stay, just showing both sides of what that might look like. There will be pros and cons to staying or leaving.

Why isn't she interested in counseling, do you think? I think short of counseling, there isn't much more you can do to improve things because she seems not willing to at least meet you halfway. You're not asking for the moon, you're just asking for her to meet you halfway.
 

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There are lots of women between ages 35-45 that are sex crazed like teenage boys. Plenty of women want daily sex. OP just married a dud. He should correct the problem.
Actually, she might not be a dud. There is a fairly well documented phenomenon where many women in long-term relationships start losing their sexual attraction to their mates. Most of them still love their husbands but just aren't triggered sexually by them anymore after many years.

What Do Women Want? By Daniel Bergner has some examples of this.
 
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