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Someone made a comment in another thread that I thought was great in helping me understand the mindset of people when it comes to a couple having sex. Not an exact quote, but something like, "some people look at sex as a vital part of their marriage, a need, while others look at it as a treat, like chocolate ice cream." That is a simple statement, but It was almost like a door opener in helping me understand my x-wife.
I have learned a lot since coming to this forum, and still have curiosities that may help me be a better person and do better if I have a future relationship.
For me, sex was a need,an emotional need. I needed that to feel love from her; however, in looking back, I don't think she needed it from me to feel loved. I believe to her, it was a treat. i didn't have a totally sexless marriage. I suppose the longest we went was 6 weeks, which seemed forever to me.
My wife actually seemed to enjoy sex when we did it; she was never one to just lie there and say, "Ok, just do what you have to do and get it out of your system." But a good evening of sex could last her a month, and she couldn't understand me needing sex regularly.
Some talk about having to give a woman her emotional needs for her to feel the desire for sex. I get that, but I felt like that was a full-time job, whereas, my needs were only a part-time job. It wasn't like I could forget about her emotional needs for a month and then decide to kick-in one day and expect it to amount to anything, yet I had to wait for weeks to get my needs met, while wondering all the time, "what's wrong with me that my wife doesn't desire me in that way?"
I think sometimes just simply the way someone views something makes a great difference. So, does anyone else here agree with the need vs treat having an affect on the sexual relationship? Can someone actually like sex, but just not need it over once a month without any other issues being present, and if we don't recognize that, can it lead to a lot of confusion while trying to resolve our sexual issues?
I have learned a lot since coming to this forum, and still have curiosities that may help me be a better person and do better if I have a future relationship.
For me, sex was a need,an emotional need. I needed that to feel love from her; however, in looking back, I don't think she needed it from me to feel loved. I believe to her, it was a treat. i didn't have a totally sexless marriage. I suppose the longest we went was 6 weeks, which seemed forever to me.
My wife actually seemed to enjoy sex when we did it; she was never one to just lie there and say, "Ok, just do what you have to do and get it out of your system." But a good evening of sex could last her a month, and she couldn't understand me needing sex regularly.
Some talk about having to give a woman her emotional needs for her to feel the desire for sex. I get that, but I felt like that was a full-time job, whereas, my needs were only a part-time job. It wasn't like I could forget about her emotional needs for a month and then decide to kick-in one day and expect it to amount to anything, yet I had to wait for weeks to get my needs met, while wondering all the time, "what's wrong with me that my wife doesn't desire me in that way?"
I think sometimes just simply the way someone views something makes a great difference. So, does anyone else here agree with the need vs treat having an affect on the sexual relationship? Can someone actually like sex, but just not need it over once a month without any other issues being present, and if we don't recognize that, can it lead to a lot of confusion while trying to resolve our sexual issues?