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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Over time I have lost my youthfulness and it's especially noticeable on my face with jowling and some skin laxity. Around the same time I noticed that my husband stopped paying same attention to me as he had before. I'm not sure what to do about it, and some of my friends recommended getting cosmetic surgery to improve my looks. I'm scared to death about anything surgical and not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
 

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If you're both in your 50s or older, his testosterone may be dropping and that may be decreasing his libido rather than your (possibly irrelevant) appearance changes.
 

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Over time I have lost my youthfulness and it's especially noticeable on my face with jowling and some skin laxity. Around the same time I noticed that my husband stopped paying same attention to me as he had before
Just because you link the two events together doesn’t prove your husband is. Did he explicitly say “your declining looks turn me off” ?
 

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We are in our early 40's, and work out a lot etc, but I just look kind of "saggy" in my face. I'm not sure if I'm overthinking the entire situation & if I should just confront him about what's going on.
 

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The problem with approaching him is let's face it....What guy on this Earth is going to tell a woman she is no longer physically or sexually attractive to him?? No guy will be honest about it, if in fact that is the issue...The reason they don't is you can't ever recover from that type of brutal honesty....So, he'll probably say that he's "tired, stressed, etc"....The most laughable part of that type of answer is that I can think of no better activity in my experience, for dealing with stress and general life angst, then a good lay....So in reality that type of response is more like a smokescreen than a legit reason...

As others have stated, everyone ages, albeit some do age better than others...I don't think that's any reason to completely let oneself go, but you can't stop the ravages of time, no one can......Quite frankly, if the frown lines and jowls bother you, don't look at it as a way to fix your sex life, do it because its bothering you and you don't like it...

It's a tough situation, but I doubt its because of normal aging...Trying to get to the root of the issue and if this is an indication of a larger problem, will be the tricky part....I have long believed that most people of both sexes will eventually lose sexual interest in a partner they have been with for a while and it may not even be something that they have control over.. Keeping that feeling at bay is a very tricky and elusive thing....Thats a topic for another thread, though...
 

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The reality is that your sexual market value is dropping while his is increasing. Usually, if a woman can lock down a high value man, he'll not notice those changes in you (he'll see the same women that he married, even years later). However, sometimes it doesn't work that way.

I would just ask him what's going on. He might be stressed, his testosterone might have dropped, or any number of other things. Just talk to him.
 

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I think a majority of men are more focused on body than face. And the reasons may have nothing to do with you.

If you have plenty of money, you might ask a really reputable plastic surgeon about fillers and father it would do anything to lift your jowls if you for example did cheekbone filler.

But you need to see if you can find out what's going on from your husband. Like if you initiate sex a couple of times in a row and he turns you down, open the conversation. Calmly. Say something like, is there something going on physically or are you just not as interested in sex anymore?

And especially at his age, you have to consider that he might we having an affair or getting sex elsewhere. If a man has a normal sex drive and you're his wife and you're the only one he's having sex with, he's going to be wanting sex sometimes.

There is one other possibility and hopefully you would know if it's a reasonable guess. If he has been watching porn recently when he wasn't before, it could have become pirn addicted. It can erode sexual relations in quite a few different ways.

One way is that he could get used to his particular couple of fantasies and corn and have gotten to where he can't really get excited without replicating that fantasy AR that particular pirn actress.

The other is he could just be doing it too much and not have anything left for you.

The other is it may have skewed his perceptions and raise the bar for how he wants a sexual partner to look and also for what he wishes a sexual partner would do whether that is an actual sex acts or in how they approach him and how they initiate. The more recent porn generations frequently complain that their women don't initiate like the porn characters who knock at the door with a pizza and then come in and drop to their knees to give them a BJ.

Hopefully you know whether he's doing that or not. If you already know he is and that it's frequent any type of serious talk with him and tell him it's affecting his sex life with you and ask him to go on a hiatus.
 

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Over time I have lost my youthfulness and it's especially noticeable on my face with jowling and some skin laxity. Around the same time I noticed that my husband stopped paying same attention to me as he had before. I'm not sure what to do about it, and some of my friends recommended getting cosmetic surgery to improve my looks. I'm scared to death about anything surgical and not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
Your title indicates sex life souring, but your post talks more about you worrying about your looks or cosmetic surgery. (Very difficult when you start ageing, I sympathise).

Why is it souring and what are the specifics? For example, sometimes women worry about their weight and looks and pull back in that department. Or they notice a change in their partner, like ED or lower drive. But it’s not quite clear what the sex issue is.

That might help clarify the two issues, so we can help you if it’s a specific intimacy issue, or a body-image issue.
 

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Hmmmm not helpful.
It was tongue in cheek. :) I agree it's not particularly helpful, but I was trying to downplay the situation a bit. I guess it's an issue like any other body issue problem. Whatever we say, it's usually impossible to convince the OP that he/she is fine and should just forget it. I would say - apart from wearing the balaclava :) - to try maybe some botox... I am not an expert, but if the problem is impacting on the OP's confidence and sex life, there are some less invasive solutions than plastic surgery.
 

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Over time I have lost my youthfulness and it's especially noticeable on my face with jowling and some skin laxity. Around the same time I noticed that my husband stopped paying same attention to me as he had before. I'm not sure what to do about it, and some of my friends recommended getting cosmetic surgery to improve my looks. I'm scared to death about anything surgical and not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
You are going to need to find a way to embrace your aging face (and body), because most plastic surgery doesn't work to restore youth, and the changes definitely do not last...because you will keep aging every day (which is a GIFT, by the way).

It could be that your husband's lack of attention has you focused on something that he might not even see. Most people in their 40s still look youthful and attractive, so I find it hard to believe that you've aged so much that he finds you repulsive!

The enemy right now is in your mind, so you need to TALK TO HIM about what is going on with his attitude and feelings about you and your relationship, so you can try to find the real cause of the change in him.
 
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