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Wondering if you saw that I told him I was wrong to say that. Apologizing doesn't matter? But I'm not really sure what you're waiting for, Matt. You're hankering to ban me so why wait? Three times I was insulted and antagonized in this thread, but there's no warning here for him. As I told you before, people say whatever they want to me however they please and follow me around the board to do it and none of that matters. I guess I'm also guilty of imagined charges. I haven't talked trash about anyone at all. I don't even know where that came from, but he surely did talk trash to me. Again none of that matters. So I really don't know what you're waiting for.
The Moderation team (it's not just me, so please don't get the idea this is a personal vendetta) is waiting for you to behave like an adult.

You made an unwarranted attack on a member (the apology was a welcome development but it does not negate the fact that you made something up about the member, which was wrong and utterly unacceptable behaviour) and you take even the mildest reproof, criticism or a question on your points of view as a personal attack which you then defend by attacking the other members.

This is not a new problem, you have been banned for this type of behaviour before, including a ban for being disputatious with moderators.

 

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The Moderation team (it's not just me, so please don't get the idea this is a personal vendetta) is waiting for you to behave like an adult.

You made an unwarranted attack on a member (the apology was a welcome development but it does not negate the fact that you made something up about the member, which was wrong and utterly unacceptable behaviour) and you take even the mildest reproof, criticism or a question on your points of view as a personal attack which you then defend by attacking the other members.

This is not a new problem, you have been banned for this type of behaviour before, including a ban for being disputatious with moderators.
I'm not denying anything, except trash talking because I haven't done that. You keep reminding me of what I have done, including something I haven't done, with no acknowledgment of my complaints. I'm certain that if I tell someone '"you are the worst" person of any type' or disparage someone's comments as "meaningless drivel" with reminder of the same, that you will tell me again that I'm attacking people and will ban me for that, or as in this case warn me. Those things said to me with no acknowledgment or warning to them naturally makes a person feel singled out and targeted, whoever is taking aim. Those aren't mild reproof or criticism. They're personal attacks.
 

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He's not acquiescing since sex every single day is hardly anything a person actually needs. He's just being gratuitous unless he has some kind of addiction to sex,
It's a desire/wish, not a need. It would be nice to get what he wants, but he doesn't need it. The guy is not a sex addict. He said he could live with it like it is. I verbalized that he's being gratuitous that he wants her to have sex with him every day. All his pressuring trying to force her is appalling. But nearly everybody was cavalier to dismiss his desire as you said. It wasn't only the females. How did you see it that way as only the women's doing?
Well, the male posters agree that given the circumstances, three times a week is probably all you can hope for. Yeah, we know it's tough but man up, grin and bear it.

As opposed to your first sentence which basically blows him off. It grates, it just does. Is it not technically true? No, but the lack of empathy kinda matches his lack of empathy for her no?
 

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Well, the male posters agree that given the circumstances, three times a week is probably all you can hope for. Yeah, we know it's tough but man up, grin and bear it.

As opposed to your first sentence which basically blows him off. It grates, it just does. Is it not technically true? No, but the lack of empathy kinda matches his lack of empathy for her no?
mmmm umm hmm Okay, I can't argue that. I'm trying very hard but I can't, except to submit it was a guy who told him he was being greedy. You're right that I have no understanding whatsoever for a man who wants sex every day. I'm not a man and don't know what it's like. But I think you take my term "gratuitous" as flouting, but it's not blowing him off. I'm saying it's unwarranted, indicating a difference between his physical needs, as opposed to wanting more than his fair share. It's gratuitous because his wife doesn't want sex every day and since it isn't fair to her, he's being gratuitous in trying to take advantage that she's there and available. I did state it would be different if they both wanted sex every day. You took the word out of context.
 

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As a female who will gladly have sex every day I'll say this: there are ways to play that will not cause a yeast infection. I still give my guy attention when it's that time of the month because for me him being excited and me making him feel good is a whole lot of the fun.
That said I also don't think you should push. Us ladies like to be heard and appreciated. Maybe change your approach. Tell her that you see where she's comping from, that her health is important to you, and that you appreciate her being willing to try to work up to a more frequent schedule. Maybe go for every other night, and on the alternate nights don't be afraid to be a giver. Give her a back massage. Cuddle up, hold hands and watch a movie. Play with her hair Just spend the nights you're not having sex connecting with her. Us gals respond to that. But do it to create a closer relationship, not with the expectation that it's going to get you more sex.
 

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How is it selfish to want to improve something... I am not talking about just sex here... and your comment just assumes that is will be an ass about it, and not compromise... such negativity here.... it is not like my wife is saying no and I am pouting like a baby here... we have a pretty open dialog on this and she has never said she does not want to be a part of improving it... she herself has noted that me being more attentive is a plus of our more frequent love making. Not saying I ignore my wife or am all about sex, but it does help in my opinion. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one... yes we have vacations and will be great parents but it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one. She always enjoys it and when we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.

I was just posting here to gain some insight from people who do lean in the more frequent side of having sex as to how they got there.



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This statement makes me think you are trying to fulfill an emotional need. Is there another way you can meet this need with your wife?
 

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And that is the thing. Let's be honest, what are the odds that he would exit his current relationship and get into a new one where his every day need is being met (along with all the other needs being met in a relationship). I see it becoming more of a "Grass is greener on the other side" scenario.
There are a few on this board and even in this thread claiming they are having sex every day, sometimes more than once a day. Some have left their wives and now are having a very fulfilling sex life, with sex multiple times a day. So, these relationships do exist. I think the OP has the right to try. If the wife doesn't agree, and this is something that makes the OP very unhappy, then he should divorce her, after careful consideration of the consequences.
 

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There are a few on this board and even in this thread claiming they are having sex every day, sometimes more than once a day. Some have left their wives and now are having a very fulfilling sex life, with sex multiple times a day. So, these relationships do exist. I think the OP has the right to try. If the wife doesn't agree, and this is something that makes the OP very unhappy, then he should divorce her, after careful consideration of the consequences.
I agree, I am sure they do exist. However, I would bet they are far from the norm which is the reason why I think it is more of a "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. I don't think the OP should just settle if this is something that is truly important to him (b/c let's face it, if it really is that important to him, it will cause a whole slew of issues in the relationship if this need is not getting met). It is a fine line to walk though.
 

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I agree, I am sure they do exist. However, I would bet they are far from the norm which is the reason why I think it is more of a "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. I don't think the OP should just settle if this is something that is truly important to him (b/c let's face it, if it really is that important to him, it will cause a whole slew of issues in the relationship if this need is not getting met). It is a fine line to walk though.
Yes, I see your point. But we don't usually hear from happy people having sex multiple times a day on this board because they have no reason to complain. We just don't know the statistics. But the OP has the right to try. It might seem selfish, but if he is very unhappy, then it's the way to go. He has to be careful not to damage his relationship with his wife, though. To me, it's one on those unresolvable mismatches, albeit I would be very happy with such an arrangement... :laugh:
 

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A man who cheats because he only gets sex 3 times a year is still wrong, but he has my sympathy. A man who cheats because hes only getting sex 3 times a week is disgusting. As is anyone who suggests he cheat because he is only getting sex 3 times a week.

What about a man who’s cheating with a man who has suggested to cheat?


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mmmm umm hmm Okay, I can't argue that. I'm trying very hard but I can't, except to submit it was a guy who told him he was being greedy. You're right that I have no understanding whatsoever for a man who wants sex every day. I'm not a man and don't know what it's like. But I think you take my term "gratuitous" as flouting, but it's not blowing him off. I'm saying it's unwarranted, indicating a difference between his physical needs, as opposed to wanting more than his fair share. It's gratuitous because his wife doesn't want sex every day and since it isn't fair to her, he's being gratuitous in trying to take advantage that she's there and available. I did state it would be different if they both wanted sex every day. You took the word out of context.
I'm most definitely not trying to promote any type of discord in offering a couple comments in the above, for other perspectives perhaps?

We all know the differences between physical needs (as in will die without) and desires/ wants.

Although everyone also knows wants can range from simple preferences to deeper normal "wants", that exceed simple preferences and if these are combined with other desires not met/things undesired constantly tolerated - there can be a "perfect storm" brewing no one acknowledges until it's too late and the whole ship is lost.

My comments on quoted post:

Excerpt 1. "as opposed to wanting more than his fair share."

Who is the all knowing being that has the authority to state: "you are already getting your fair share, no more soup for you. Ridiculous to even ask for more, silly person".

Excerpt 2. " he's being gratuitous in trying to take advantage that she's there and available."

"take advantage of her, because she's there and available". What does sentence that even mean??

They're married. He should try and "take advantage of her" as much as possible if he wants. And vice versa. And both should respect each other's choices to be intimate or not.

Pls don't say I'm saying he should "force her" to do anything she doesn't choose to do, obviously I'm not.

I am again saying that blanket statements may be inaccurate ways to try and define the challenges and solutions.

"he's getting his fair share so he shouldn't complain " and "he shouldn't bother his wife just because she's there and available" to me are way condescending to OP, and imo way off solution building discourse.

Ultimately I'd think this will work itself out in the marriage improvement communication efforts.

It's always possible when communicating, that additional true multiple differences will come further out and cause a separation.

I hope and believe it will work out, the marriage will be stronger.

The OP certainly has the right to say he would very much like sex more than three times a week. And to try and bed his W as much as he wants.
 

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What about ‘quality of orgasm’? I noticed that my climax is more intense if I don’t orgasm every day or several times a day. ‘Enjoying good things in moderation’ seems like a sensible thing.
Wife on the other hand says it makes no difference to the quality of her orgasm whether she came 3 days or 3 hours ago.

I think it makes quite a difference to her to how desperate I need to screw her though.
She also prefers it if I don’t pay any attention to her whatsoever and just use her as a ‘piece of meat’. (Her words yesterday. I was going super long and steady and was ready to proclaim myself the ultimate sex god as the whole room began to shake while she climaxed. But then came the ‘breaking news’: that apparently being considerate is not very welcome and can be a bit of a turn offfff...******. Maybe i need to sign her up for one of those feminist classes).


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No you don't have 'every right' to get there or to get more sex, what an utterly selfish statement. You have a wife and if you love her, you will think of her and put her first and always compromise.
Few relationships will carry on with the same amount of sex they had in the early days, before children, before things calmed down, that's life.

If you didn't want to hear different answers then why post here?
I should probably stop reading some of these posts 😊😊 I'll say that first. My opinion certainly differs from some.

Here, respectfully @Diana7; in response to: "few relationships will carry on with the same amount of sex they had in the early days, before children, before things calmed down, that's life".
Many more than a few relationships get back to frequency of sex before small children, than you think.

Empty nesters certainly revel in the fact they can walk through the house nekkid again! Obviously being a little facetious here.

But the fact remains when a couple enjoys each other and health remains, there are many "rabbit" time frames, many more than one may think, as a couple moves through life stages.

It more normally is like a sine wave, peaks and valleys.

And common.

Even the knowledge one can have sex if wants to, with mutually desirous SO is itself a sexual act, as a couple goes about their day. It's a mental perk almost unparalleled in a good M.

Good sex starts mentally. Although there are times 😍😍.

Any SO that believes "rationing" sex is best may soon find out that amplifies challenges in other areas totally unrelated to sex.
 

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1. she is afraid to get an infection if we do have it everyday
2. we talk about having it more she has state she is working on it.
3. but then she just gets annoyed and starts to shutdown

These are all the ways your wife has told you she doesn't want to be a part of improving it. She doesn't want to have sex more frequently. The mistake you are making is not listening to her. Because she doesn't come right out and say it in those exact words, you think she hasn't said it. But so far, you gave us three ways that she has told you. Women are often reticent to speak our minds. When feeling pressured, we say what seems the most innocuous and charitable to prevent hurting your feelings, we say the most innocent that comes to mind to prevent being judged (afraid of infection), we say the easiest thing that will put an end to the conversation (she's working on it), or we engage the Scarlet O'Hara effect, which is when you put off dealing with something until a later time (also she's working on it). And sometimes we get annoyed and shut down so you will stop pressuring.

So, I know it can be difficult for guys to pick up on those signals and because you're not familiar with the signals, you don't know what they mean and just keep pressuring. After receiving constant pressure over time, we become more emboldened because we recognize we weren't being heard all those other times, so your wife might get to a point down the line where she will feel more courageous and start saying no. Or, perhaps she'll start complaining that you ask so much or that you talk about it so much.




That's what I'm trying to tell you - she is saying no.

And here are all the ways you're pouting like baby in the form of pressure:

1. We have talked a lot about how I would like it every day

2. I have told her maybe if we slowly increase the frequency her body will adjust

3. but after at least 6 months of trying I feel like I have gotten nowhere

4. Like I have told here sex is the one thing in our life together that is something only me and her truly share as one . . . it is the one thing where we during the heat of passion I feel like we are one

You needn't have taken offense to what we told you here. I thought you probably watch a lot of porn because women on this board or other boards complain their husband doesn't want sex and ignores them because he lives on porn or that he wants sex all the time because he lives on porn. You having sex three times a week, pressuring your her for more, and coming to a public board for suggestions to convince your wife to have sex with you every day makes you fit the profile. Okay, I was wrong about that since you say you don't watch porn.

I also stated you have destroyed your sex life. That doesn't make me cynical. It makes me able to read the signs as I laid them out to you above. There is and has always existed a communication gap between the sexes, and much of the reason for it is that we women don't speak our minds plainly, and men take us for what we say, not for what we mean by what we say. All the while, she's telling you how she feels on the subject, but you don't know how to translate her words, at least not until I'm telling you now. Because you have not heard her and translated her signals, she is becoming more and more resentful because she views these discussions as pressure, and that pressure makes think you only view her as an object for sex. And if you don't believe me, then think about the things she has stated:

1. Lots of women get yeast infections, and your wife has had more than one. Were they each caused by having sex every day like she thinks caused the first one? A woman can get a yeast infection from sex only once in a week or once in a month or once in a year. But they can be caused by regular sexual activity, which means she can also get one by having sex three times a week. And sex isn't the only thing that causes them. She can get one by oral sex, by some medications particularly antibiotics, by sugary foods, illness, stress (like caused by pressure), and a host of other things.

2. What is there to work on? If she wanted sex every day, would she have to work on wanting it? It sounds like she's trying to convince herself and talk herself into wanting it, which means she doesn't want it. Or, she says that to get you off her back about it.

3. If she wants sex every day, what is there to get annoyed about? She wouldn't shut down if she wanted to have sex every day. She wouldn't shut down if she enjoyed you pressuring her and didn't mind the conversations about it.

I've written this as plainly as I possibly can so you can get the message and not have to try to translate or decipher what I'm trying to explain. I'm saying again that you're destroying your sex life because there will a point where your wife will get fed up and not want to have sex with you at all. This is the way it goes, you're making the same mistake many guys have made and then don't understand why they can't get their wife to have sex with them. And the few times that they can, their new complaint becomes she's not into it and they can only get pity sex and starfish sex. Join their ranks, or listen to what we are telling you. The choice is yours. Because marriage is a compromise, as others have stated, you should be more considerate of your wife. The bottom line is if she wanted sex every day, you and she would be having sex every day. The compromise is this middle ground that is comfortable for her between once a week (or none at all) and every day. She's compromising with you already. You're not considering her feelings and you're not being grateful enough or considerate enough to concede to the compromise of three times a week, instead of pressuring her for more.

Excerpt from above:
"you're not being grateful enough..."

I don't know about others, so I'm just voicing my own opinion here, but the first time I heard "you're not being grateful enough for the sex you get" would be fighting words.

I'm not saying right/wrong for all, I don't want to generalize, but that would be a wrong tact to be taken with me. Very unproductive, a non-starter.

Just sayin'.
 

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One thing I think is confusing to men is that women don't enjoy sex in the same sort of physical way as as men do. That is, for men it is much more about the pleasurable sensations from the activated nerve endings and much less about the emotional aspect. For men, the enjoyment of sex is much closer to the enjoyment of getting a massage or laying out in the sun--they are enjoyable experiences in their own right. They don't have to be in a certain emotional state or have their head in the right place to enjoy it. So to men, it's easy to think it would be better to have it more often. If they think of it like getting massages more often or laying out on the beach more often, who wouldn't want more of that?

But women generally are more complicated when it comes to sex. While few women would turn down regular foot massages on a daily basis, that same kind of simple enjoyment doesn't translate to sex.

An analogy might be making a full holiday dinner. When it's once in a while, it can be very enjoyable and the cook will look forward to it and have many fond memories of it. But if the diners saw that happiness and then pressured the cook to make a big holiday dinner every day, the cook would likely not have the same enjoyment and would build a lot of resentment. The cook might even give up cooking altogether because they have lost all enjoyment of it.

Of course, not all women are the same and some women desire sex on a frequent basis. But in the relationships where that's not the case, a man shouldn't just assume that since he would enjoy sex more the same is true for a woman. It might actually be the reverse--where she would enjoy sex more if it happened less.
I agree with the analogies in the above, but respectfully all are common blanket statements again.

Imho, the most important statement from above response is:

" It might actually be the reverse--where she would enjoy sex more if it happened less."

How in the world would this sex "rationing" contribute to the closeness a couple can reach when emotionally and physically available to each other?
 

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I agree with the analogies in the above, but respectfully all are common blanket statements again.

Imho, the most important statement from above response is:

" It might actually be the reverse--where she would enjoy sex more if it happened less."

How in the world would this sex "rationing" contribute to the closeness a couple can reach when emotionally and physically available to each other?


In answer to that I, as a women, do actually enjoy sex far more when its not too frequent. Actually sex is better for both of us when a few days have passed. Not saying wait a month, but a week or a few days between provides a far more intense experience, stronger orgasms and a good sex session. Every day for me would become a routine, something that we just 'do', no build up or eager anticipation of the next session. Maybe his wife is like that.
 

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There are a few on this board and even in this thread claiming they are having sex every day, sometimes more than once a day. Some have left their wives and now are having a very fulfilling sex life, with sex multiple times a day. So, these relationships do exist. I think the OP has the right to try. If the wife doesn't agree, and this is something that makes the OP very unhappy, then he should divorce her, after careful consideration of the consequences.
That seems so incredibly drastic, to be talking about possible divorce in a marriage were they have sex 3-4 times a week, and he says its not enough. He could end up being divorced half a dozen times.
 

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Another option is that he does some introspection and finds some way to be happy with only 3x/week. Especially since he has kids, I would think very poorly of his character if he cheated or bailed because he wasn't getting it 7x/week. While I can totally understand *wanting* more than 3x/week, I'm less likely to be compassionate to him saying he can't find happiness unless it's more.

It's not the same as when there is zero sex, since there even the most basic need is not being met. But when they are already better than average, he should really examine that need to see how important it is.

Again with the "better than average" you should be grateful line.

One size doesn't fit all.

And it seems like OP is into encouraging, not "forcing".

Encouragement in a positive manner is good.

For either SO, giving up and not trying anything new is a lose-lose.
 
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