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My wife and I have had a sexless marriage for a few years. We have tried some things but it has been pretty limited to perhaps once a month and generally not very exciting for either of us.

Recently, that has changed due to my advances and some new things we are trying (such as some porn). She says she wants sex but never initiates it and has some pain in her urethra (?). We are unclear where the pain is coming from but it seems to happen if she uses a vibrator or we do anything sexual. We are both dazed and confused about what if anything can be done to enhance pleasure for her, without the pain.

Your thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.
 

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How old is your wife? I've noticed significant sensitivity problems as I've entered menopause. The entire genital area just does not feel the way it did when I was younger. Also, as you've mentioned you've had extended times of no sex you'll have to be especially careful to go easy now (prolonged inactivity in this area does not help the situation). I have tried many products for before, during, and after; one of the "after" products is Monistat Soothing Care™ - it's not bad, but it's not a miracle product by any means. Make sure that after sex she gently but thoroughly washes and dries the area, even "go commando" for a while afterward. I am extremely sensitive to all lubricating products and the only one that I find tolerable is yes® brand lubricant, but it is expensive. And as far as sexual relations go, remember there are more ways to have fun than just penetrative sex. Go slowly and work up to that; you'll find the return of intimacy a great reward for your patience.
 

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I posted a reply to a topic just like this at another site, so I'm going to copy & paste it verbatim.

Hold on just a minute!
My wife has the same problem. We wasted 21 years not knowing what was wrong until a chance comment while with her Gyno solved the mystery. He did perform an examination to rule out any other problems.
I just finished posting on another topic about this, and I'd like to tell you about it.
Your problem may be a condition called vaganismus. It is when the slightest touch of the vagina, or even anticipation of touching will cause the labia minora, or the entrance anyway, to spasm causing intense pain and penetration is impossible.
Here are the main points:
It is NOT psychological. Your head is fine.
It is not a disease or deformity. Physically, you are fine.
There is no known cause, so you didn't do anything to cause it.
It IS curable in almost ALL cases. No drugs, no docs, no therapy. And throw away the lube - that's not the problem.
And guess what? Overcoming it can actually be a little fun. Now how good is that?
You can Google it of course, but visit this site Home - Vaginismus.com
They want to sell you books and stuff, but search further and you'll find the exercises.
That's all you really need. It involves slowly introducing your finger into your vagina, knowing what you can handle and when, stopping when it hurts. Rest, then try again. At the same time pushing down on the vaginal walls, as if you are starting and stopping pee. I'm a guy, so I don't know, but I've heard women talk about doing kagles (?), if that makes any sense.
Do it for a few minutes each night, gradually increasing the depth of your finger.
Here's the guy talking again: I eagerly offered to help my wife with this routine, however, only the woman can do this for herself because she needs to know her limits, and how to gradually extend them.
I've pretty much just repeated what is on the info sheet her Gyno gave her.
By the way, since we didn't know what was going on, we did manage to cope, and the term I came up with was that just like water will seek its own level, two people in love will find a way to share their love.
I really hope this helps.
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I think there are more common things you should look at......

Go to the gyno
Ky plain jelly or astroglide......
If you use condoms use non latex
Get tested for stds.....you have to actually say i want to be tested for this and this and this.

Could be allergies, or an infection, or long standing case of chlamydia...

Go to the gyno!!! Get an vaginal ultra sound too

This is of course all for your wife
 
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