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everything .. sex is everything in my relationship .
but dont take my advice .. I'm about to lose my wife .

to me , sex is something that you do to show your partner how much you care for them , to my wife .. sex is just sex ..
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
For me I think in part it is a guage and a part of a healthy relationship. Let's face it most people like sex. It releases chemicals into the brain so no wonder we want that rush. But more important to me is the fact that every session of sex for the wife and I mean we are going to cuddle and bond after. We are going to talk from our hearts. Sex isn't a have to thing but it is a good, fun thing to be sure.

draconis
 

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I do beleive sex is a healthy part of any relationship.

However my marriage is now lacking that. I find myself turned off because my husband does not spend any time with me, at night while I'm asleep he spends hours on the computer visiting porn sites. I know of these because I've checked the history and I find save photos under my c drive. I've asked him about it and he says he only does it for fun. I'm at a point where I don't want to deal with him anymore, because I feel he should be spending those long hours at night with me and not on a porn site.
Any ideas or comments.
 

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wow Calichick , if I didn't know better I would think that your my wife posting that .
I unfortunatly have no advice as we are going through the same problem , just feel better knowing someone shares your exact same issue .
I'm working on fixing this problem , but it's going to be a very long road for me .

good luck , I wish you the best
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I do beleive sex is a healthy part of any relationship.

However my marriage is now lacking that. I find myself turned off because my husband does not spend any time with me, at night while I'm asleep he spends hours on the computer visiting porn sites. I know of these because I've checked the history and I find save photos under my c drive. I've asked him about it and he says he only does it for fun. I'm at a point where I don't want to deal with him anymore, because I feel he should be spending those long hours at night with me and not on a porn site.
Any ideas or comments.
1) Put down a picture of good looking food on a plate for dinner. When he asks about it say well I though you liked pictures better then the real thing.

2) If you don't have any little kids in the house down load a guy or better yet a two gay guys and put it to screen saver. See how he feels. Tell him that is how he makes you feel.

3) Ask him why he doesn't want the real thing.

draconis
 

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I think sex is a necessity in marriage. I have recently been going through the fear that my wife is attracted to another, a guy she works with. Now, I am a fairly jealous person (because it has happened to me before), but some signs were there. We were not getting along, we weren't talking, and it was just a gut feeling. Anyways, I think sex is an intregal part, but my wife has seen it as more of a "duty". I have been doing some things differently (outside of the bedroom) and have seen a a huge improvement. The big thing i notice is my wife's sex drive is NOTHING like mine, and it never has been even when we were courting. So, it would stand that if i am not getting it at home, I need to get it elsewhere, but I DO NOT belive in that. Sometimes you just need to take care of business yourself, unfortunately.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think sex is a necessity in marriage. I have recently been going through the fear that my wife is attracted to another, a guy she works with. Now, I am a fairly jealous person (because it has happened to me before), but some signs were there. We were not getting along, we weren't talking, and it was just a gut feeling. Anyways, I think sex is an intregal part, but my wife has seen it as more of a "duty". I have been doing some things differently (outside of the bedroom) and have seen a a huge improvement. The big thing i notice is my wife's sex drive is NOTHING like mine, and it never has been even when we were courting. So, it would stand that if i am not getting it at home, I need to get it elsewhere, but I DO NOT belive in that. Sometimes you just need to take care of business yourself, unfortunately.

Well I see two positive things here first is that you will not cheat on your wife. Good for you.

Second that you do things outside the bedroom to fix the marriage. It works to get things in the bedroom working too. The happy a person is with you, the more connected they feel, the more they will want sex.

As far as the jealousy thing goes I will address it later. I see this as a thing popping up all over these forums.

draconis
 

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Hi, Lately I dont think sex is as important, but I think my relationship has caused me to think like that! How many times do you think couples should be having sex a week? currently we are 1 to 2 times but he only last seconds when we are having sex or he's going soft....Also can anyone tell me how to post a topic here lol:scratchhead:
icey
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Well, I see you already have posted a topic so I don't think that is an issue.

It sounds like he is suffering from ED, sooner or later I have to do a thesis on that too, but that is down the road.

Sex should be you are both satisfied. If he can't please you with intercourse then he should more then make up for it with oral. If you are not satisfied with the sex you need to have a frank discussion because I think his doctor may be able to help him.

I am also on a forum that talks about sex/relationship and I think we polled one time that 3-4 times a week was average but it ranged all over the place like how long a session lasted normally it seemed to be 30-45 minutes.

draconis
 

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Hi, I'm new here but have the same issues with my husband.

My husband also likes to look at porn when I'm not around and it pisses me off! I have caught him masturbating to pictures of naked women several times and it hurts my feelings. When he lies about it I flip out. He has left some of these pictures out mistakenly and I found them. I have 3 daughters from a previous marriage and they just as easily could have found them.

He says his behavior has nothing to do with me or our relationship. He loves me and my body blah, blah....... If it upsets me than it does affect our relationship.

Does every man engage in this behavior?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Hi, I'm new here but have the same issues with my husband.

My husband also likes to look at porn when I'm not around and it pisses me off! I have caught him masturbating to pictures of naked women several times and it hurts my feelings. When he lies about it I flip out. He has left some of these pictures out mistakenly and I found them. I have 3 daughters from a previous marriage and they just as easily could have found them.

He says his behavior has nothing to do with me or our relationship. He loves me and my body blah, blah....... If it upsets me than it does affect our relationship.

Does every man engage in this behavior?
No not every guy is like that.

Yes most are sadly.

He probably does love you and is attracted to you etc.

You need to share with him your discomfort about it.

draconis
 

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I look at porn more than my boyfriend. But he's sowed his oats; he's been with 6 other women besides me. I've only been with him, and am curious about other people, but am afraid that acting on that curiosity can upset my delicate emotional state regarding sexuality, what it means, and how it plays out in a relationship. There is potential on my side for pain and scarring if I explore.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I look at porn more than my boyfriend. But he's sowed his oats; he's been with 6 other women besides me. I've only been with him, and am curious about other people, but am afraid that acting on that curiosity can upset my delicate emotional state regarding sexuality, what it means, and how it plays out in a relationship. There is potential on my side for pain and scarring if I explore.
There is nothing wrong with curiousity as long as it conforms to the agreement of the relationship you are in. Since he has no problem with you watching porn and you are not addicted to it I see nothing wrong with you viewing it.

It is really respectful that you have held out so long and have one one partner. That is the sign of a moral person.

draconis
 

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I look at porn more than my boyfriend. But he's sowed his oats; he's been with 6 other women besides me. I've only been with him, and am curious about other people, but am afraid that acting on that curiosity can upset my delicate emotional state regarding sexuality, what it means, and how it plays out in a relationship. There is potential on my side for pain and scarring if I explore.
Hi, new here.

This is somewhat similar to my situation. My husband is a bit older and more experienced and I explore my sexuality through porn more than he does. I know that our relationship would never be an open one and if my desires became too much I would have to leave the marriage.

On the main topic, I think that sex is important in a relationship. My husband and I click on every level but sexually and it does create a strain. I sincerely hope that since we are compatible in every other way that will change with time and effort.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Hi, new here.

This is somewhat similar to my situation. My husband is a bit older and more experienced and I explore my sexuality through porn more than he does. I know that our relationship would never be an open one and if my desires became too much I would have to leave the marriage.

On the main topic, I think that sex is important in a relationship. My husband and I click on every level but sexually and it does create a strain. I sincerely hope that since we are compatible in every other way that will change with time and effort.
I have found often sex drives are different and few things change them. I have talk about this often and normally healthy couples settle in the middle (A) likes 6 times a week were (B) likes once. They settle on three sometimes four. The fourth is normally a two for day. Health, jobs, kids, stress can all play a factor too.

draconis
 

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Someone once said that sex is like air: It only matters if you aren't getting enough.

In a happy relationship it's not as important in and of itself because it's part of the whole. In an unhappy relationship it because something you gauge the relationship on so it seems to matter more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Someone once said that sex is like air: It only matters if you aren't getting enough.

In a happy relationship it's not as important in and of itself because it's part of the whole. In an unhappy relationship it because something you gauge the relationship on so it seems to matter more.
Okay touche let me redefine what I meant. Most healthy relationships have a good sexual base. You notice a drop in the sex as things are going bad and when thing are going good your tend to have more Intimacy.

draconis
 

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Most healthy relationships have a good sexual base. You notice a drop in the sex as things are going bad and when thing are going good your tend to have more Intimacy.
You know, I agree with you. Strangely in my situation though as our lives/relationship got better and less stressful we had sex less. I still don't understand this and neither does he.

(A) likes 6 times a week were (B) likes once. They settle on three sometimes four.
But doesn't this lead to Person A feeling unfulfilled and frustrated? He still likes it 6 times a week and isn't getting it.
 
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