[crux]

Hello everyone.

My fiance and I have been together for about 6.5 years and have a 4 year old son.

Last year she was diagnosed with endometriosis. She has tried a variety of birth control & drugs to get it under control but they do not appear to be working. She had surgery last November, but that only helped for a few months.

For the past year sex has been generally painful for her. Sometimes she even doubles over in pain just going about her business.

We have been discussing her getting a hysterectomy. There are 2 concerns I have:

1) Obviously this would mean no more children. We always planned on having at least 2, however she has not been on birth control since the birth of our son and obviously has not gotten pregnant in 4 years. We can accept that and consider ourselves lucky to have our little guy.

2) I've heard "horror" stories of women "aging overnight" and/or losing their sex drives due to the lack of hormones. She is 27 and I am 28, neither of us want to have the sex life of a 75 year old couple if you know what I mean.


So, for you ladies that have had a hysterectomy - how has it impacted your sex drive and life? And men in a relationship with a woman who had a hysterectomy, how would you say it has impacted things?

Thanks everyone!

 

[Lordhavok]

My wife had a hysterectomy at 26, she hasnt slowed up at all, she's hd and so am I. We living it up, hope it works out for you man. Not everyone is the same. She had breast cancer also. With all the problems she's had its amazing she has a sex drive at all, but we still going strong, we both 40ish.

 

[kingsfan]

For concern number one, don't rule out adoption. Another option would be a surrogate mother. Both can be costly, but both give you options at a second child, with the latter giving you a chance at a biological child.

As for your issue regarding sex, my fiancee had a hysterectomy in (I believe) 1999. This was eight years before we got together, so I don't have first hand expereince regarding the first few years after the fact.

That said, she stated her sex drive dropped to almost zero. In fact, I think there was a span of months where there was no sex.

I take that with a grain of salt, because her ex-husband was a first class a-hole and treated her like crap, not to mention he was rarely there to help her with anything. He ws the kind of guy that worked out of town and even though he had a vehicle where he was working, he'd take the only vehicle he and she had to work, simply so she'd have to stay at home and couldn't go anywhere. That kind of guy.

Looking back, she feels that it wasn't really her libido as much as it was who she was with. Granted, her libido did drop in her opinion, but it was likely 30% of the issue, and 70% being her ex-husband.

When we first started the dating, our sex life was pretty weak as well, usually once every 2-3 weeks, give or take. Eventually we got that sorted out through talking and discussion and now we've been most 2x a week, though there has been the odd drop to 1x a week in short stretches.

To nutshell what I just said, while a temporary drop is possible during the first year or so, a lot more of how the sexlife will go is dependant on two factors; her desire to work towards a healthy sex life and your desire to be supportive and not expect things to stay the same or rebound quickly after the operation.

I'd sit down with her and have the two of you put in writing (not a legal paper, just a list or an acknowledgement to each other) how important sex is to you, to her, to your marriage and to your lives together before the operation. Make sure you are both on the same page before you go into the procedure, so both of you can consult that writing later when things get difficult. not saying they will get difficult, some people have reported an increase in sex even after a hysterectomy, but they very well could get difficult.

 

[anchorwatch]

Our experience is near LH's. DW had a hysterectomy and because of earlier breast cancer she can't have hormone replacement therapies. We're a lot older and still enjoy an active sex life. I just warm her up a little bit more.

 

[LastUnicorn]

No experience here, but here is a website with some info:
Http://www.hersfoundation.com/

 

[Joanie]

Tomorrow is actually the one year anniversary of my total hysterectomy. To be honest, I really don't notice any difference in my sex life. The drive is still the same as before the surgery and the experience feels the same too.

I had to wait twelve weeks after my surgery before I could have ANY type of sexual activity. My doctor was very strict about me following that rule. It was a bit tough at times, but no way in heck was I going to go against what she advised. I know it was hard on my mate to wait but tough noogies! I will say it's pretty cool not having to use tampons/pads anymore and always being able to have sex! I used to get my period every 18days and it seemed like I was always "sidelined". Now....any time we want to have it...we do!
Good Luck!

 

[Abstract Annie]

I've not had a hysterectomy, but in my limited medical knowledge I can tell you that a lot is dependent on the type of hysterectomy that is performed.

Some hysterectomies will take everything...uterus, cervix, Fallopian tubes and ovaries. Without the ovaries there to secrete hormones, things will change. Some hysterectomies only take the uterus, the ovaries, tubes and cervix are still left. This will have the least effect.

I have an old friend who claims once she had her hysterectomy, her ability to orgasm disappeared, that's something worth discussing with the doctor too.

I hope no matter what happens that she frees herself from the pain. Good luck.

 

[serenity 02030]

hi, so sorry you both are going through this. I am 6 months out of total hysterectomy. First sex with pain is just plain awful in alot of ways. Depression also comes with it, for me anyway.
Hohnestly, sex for me is very different, I had vaginal, internal orgasms easily. I no longer have that at all, the uterus is gone. BUT for me my sex drive is better than ever, cant explain it. I enjoy it more because there is no pain and my husband can go as deep as possible. The dryness can be solved with lubes, some better than others, or the hormone therapy. I have a low dose vaginal cream that I use and dryness is not an issue. I still have very sensitive clitoral stimulation but it is very hard to orgasm. Hopefully with practice, this will change. All that being said, I am not really sad if i dont achieve orgasm where before I would be pissed off...lol..but never complained..lol
So do I wish I didnt have the hysterectomy of course, but am greatful at the same time. Just remember she is going be thrown into menopause, like me being young we werent ready at all. so it is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, just be patient. You sound like a great guy so you both should be fine. Also, sounding conceited..i think I look better than ever...no aging signs at all...just the normal at my age, my husband says I look great and no weight gain for me.

 

[Rowan]

I had a hysterectomy (uterus, both fallopian tubes, one ovary) in January of this year at age 35. I have not noticed a drop in my drive related to the surgery. Then again, I am on a hormone replacement therapy because my remaining ovary isn't keeping up with normal hormone levels.

What I have found, however, is that my orgasms are different. No uterus means no uterine contractions, which simply feels different than what I had before. Not bad, not really "lacking", just different. I also have a slightly harder time reaching orgasm, but I do still get there, it just takes a bit longer.

Oh, and if it's at all possible, I highly recommend having the surgery done laproscopically. That way, there are three very small incisions rather than the single large one, and less damage to the abdominal muscles. It also results in less pain, less time in the hospital (mine was actually outpatient), and a shorter healing time.

 

[crux]

Thank you all for the responses so far.

I would hate for her to be unable to orgasm. It seems it is only her right ovary that is affected - at least, that's where she says the pain originates from. Does anyone know if it is possible to simply have the offending ovary removed while everything else remains?

 

[crux]

Joanie -

You said you had a "total" hysterectomy. I assume you are taking hormones?

 

[ScarletBegonias]

So, for you ladies that have had a hysterectomy - how has it impacted your sex drive and life? And men in a relationship with a woman who had a hysterectomy, how would you say it has impacted things?

Thanks everyone!

it made sex AMAZING and enjoyable for the first time EVER.no fear of having anything bump my cervix and put me in severe pain,no fear of tear inducing cramping after an orgasm...hysterectomy was the most beautiful medical procedure to ever be created lol

My sex drive went through the roof once I healed and realized I could have sex without pain.The anticipation of pain was enough to turn me off but once i realized it was gone and never to return,oh it was ON.

Good luck to your wife and I hope she has as wonderful of results as I have!

Edited to add: I lost my cervix,uterus,and one ovary. I still have one left.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

oh,I also had my very first vaginal orgasm about a year after my surgery.not during intercourse,just w/a toy but still...never happened before so that has to count for something

 

[Rowan]

Thank you all for the responses so far.

I would hate for her to be unable to orgasm. It seems it is only her right ovary that is affected - at least, that's where she says the pain originates from. Does anyone know if it is possible to simply have the offending ovary removed while everything else remains?

Yes, they can remove just one ovary (they will also take the fallopian tube on that side) and leave everything else. I still have one ovary and my cervix.

 

[Grayson]

As you can see from the replies here, the biological aftermath can vary from woman to woman. Rather than type out what happened with my wife after hers, ill just link to a recent post I made about it.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...w-hormone-low-drive-frustration-new-post.html
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[MAB1220]

I had an elective hysterectomy - uterus and cervix - for endometriosis. No change in sex drive because I kept my ovaries but our sex life at that time improved dramatically because I was no longer anemic or in pain all the time. Sadly events later on ruined our marriage.

 

[fastaruk]

Hello everyone.

So, for you ladies that have had a hysterectomy - how has it impacted your sex drive and life? And men in a relationship with a woman who had a hysterectomy, how would you say it has impacted things?

Thanks everyone!

My wife had a hysterectomy. For a long time it meant no sex, but not because of anything physical. A lot of women (imho) believe they were ruined when their uterus was removed. I do miss her cervix, but I've never told her that. She does too -- she feels like she just opens up there into nowhere.

My wife's solution, at least until she got to the age of natural menopause, was to keep going back to the doctor until they had given her the right mix of chemicals. It was estrogen and a bit of testosterone.

 

[MAB1220]

As long as there is no cancer involved most surgeons are willing to leave the cervix. Just something to think about. Good luck!