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149 Posts
4 month d-day anniversary is today. We are in R, and things were moving along.
Setback this weekend. We were at our lake place up north (where most of his sexting activities took place), and we were both doing our own things – cleaning and yard work, etc. It got dark outside, and he is one that always used to be leery of going outside up there after dark because we do have bears up there, foxes, and occasional sightings of lynx. This was one of the “Aha moments” for me 4 months ago, when he would go sit outside in the dark of night with his phone.
On Saturday evening he said he was going to go down to the fire pit to make sure the fire was extinguished. He was gone for 25 minutes and it was pitch black out. So, of course this triggered me - rational or not, I don't know, but it did. I looked, and his phone was there on the counter, so he didn’t have it with him, so that was good. After a while, I went down there, and he was nowhere to be found, and the fire was still glowing.
I walked down to the dock (where he used to go also), and he wasn’t there. So I went back up to the house, and he was there. He asked where I was. I said I walked down to hang out with him, and mentioned that I found it odd that the fire was still ignited. He said he was just coming up to use the bathroom and was going to go back.
But then the fight happened. He looked at me and said, “I can’t even go sit by a fire without you checking up on me?” And from there it went to how he’s sick of me checking his phone, he understands why I do it, but he said, “It’s getting a little old…” And there I went. I lost it. And of course my tears came. Only this time, he said he is sick of it. He said he’s just mad now, and then said some really mean things…including “For the sh*& I’m getting for this, I wish I would’ve just F-d her”.
We ended up sleeping in separate rooms that night. Then yesterday, we had to drive 3 hours back home, and neither of us said a single word.
ALSO – This is the first time in over a month that I even brought anything up. I’ve calmed my anger down, and basically no crying in front of him or anything… Its not like I’m bringing it up every five minutes.
So…I’ve just had it. I don’t know if I can do it, but I think I have to, for my own self but today starts the 180.
Setback this weekend. We were at our lake place up north (where most of his sexting activities took place), and we were both doing our own things – cleaning and yard work, etc. It got dark outside, and he is one that always used to be leery of going outside up there after dark because we do have bears up there, foxes, and occasional sightings of lynx. This was one of the “Aha moments” for me 4 months ago, when he would go sit outside in the dark of night with his phone.
On Saturday evening he said he was going to go down to the fire pit to make sure the fire was extinguished. He was gone for 25 minutes and it was pitch black out. So, of course this triggered me - rational or not, I don't know, but it did. I looked, and his phone was there on the counter, so he didn’t have it with him, so that was good. After a while, I went down there, and he was nowhere to be found, and the fire was still glowing.
I walked down to the dock (where he used to go also), and he wasn’t there. So I went back up to the house, and he was there. He asked where I was. I said I walked down to hang out with him, and mentioned that I found it odd that the fire was still ignited. He said he was just coming up to use the bathroom and was going to go back.
But then the fight happened. He looked at me and said, “I can’t even go sit by a fire without you checking up on me?” And from there it went to how he’s sick of me checking his phone, he understands why I do it, but he said, “It’s getting a little old…” And there I went. I lost it. And of course my tears came. Only this time, he said he is sick of it. He said he’s just mad now, and then said some really mean things…including “For the sh*& I’m getting for this, I wish I would’ve just F-d her”.
We ended up sleeping in separate rooms that night. Then yesterday, we had to drive 3 hours back home, and neither of us said a single word.
ALSO – This is the first time in over a month that I even brought anything up. I’ve calmed my anger down, and basically no crying in front of him or anything… Its not like I’m bringing it up every five minutes.
So…I’ve just had it. I don’t know if I can do it, but I think I have to, for my own self but today starts the 180.