My husband and I have been together 14 yrs, married for 2. No kids. We are both our only partners/first loves. He works full-time, I'm a grad student. we've been going to counselling for a few months because I was concerned that we don't have sex very often (only 1x a month, and only if I initiate) He has stopped initiating completely. This has been going on for 5-6 years, since we've lived together.
When we talk about our problems, it's always me that needs to make the changes, he's already changed a lot and already 'suffered' and sacrificed enough. He is referring to the fact that Im still in school, aiming fro a degree that will get me a well-paid job.
His job is tiring and in some ways is a dead end. He told me the other day, he wants me to make 100,000 a year. (I currently dont have much of a salary, student grants only, and the job I will start with, I'll make probably 58-60 gs of I'm lucky.
So, their is a lot of resentment on his part, although he denies it. I approach him for sex, but I get denied at least 2x a month. I got rejected a lot by him, and I approach him minimally.
In order to make up for his resentment, he expects me to cook, clean, and have children not long after grad school. He really wants the domesticated housewife kind of woman, but I'm a career kind of woman, not big on having children, and not overly a germophobe like he (he has high standards in my opinion) ..oh ya, he masturbates like every 2 to 3 days - he told me that he masturbates to arm candy - and this took him years to tell me because he wouldn't tell me what kind of porn he likes.
Writing this, I feel really sad, and it causes me to think of my male friend. I have a close friend that I've confided in, and my situation makes me want to proposition him for sex, but I feel that that is not really me, I never believed in cheating. But at the same time - I'm starving. I've told my husband that I would need to see another man if we weren't going to have sex more, and he just said nothing really, or I know. And that he is hurting too.
I just feel he wants me to be someone I'm not, he's never happy with what I do for him (because he's always expecting things) and it's always me that needs 'fixing'. I can't take this! I'm considering that I may have to leave, and get a divorce.