I would take some of these responses with a grain of salt from people who have clearly been burned in the past. You'll get a lot of "oh, she made a snide, stupid mark- get out now" crowd here.Responses:
I have considered she thinks and acts single: probably not in wanting a different guy (although you can't ever rule it out) but probably yes in still wanting to go hang out.
She passed on a group celebration for me and a common friend with the same birthday. Her rationale is that when we hit a bit of a rough patch a ways back, she knows she looked bad and doesn't want to face the music. She is going to drop off her kids on Friday and then hang with family, culminating in a party to celebrate her sister getting a good promotion at a really good company (don't want to say which without giving away too much info). But the job and promotion are legit.
I don't think she's pushing me into marriage. I do wonder, though, if she wishes I just didn't mind her being around less - kind of like how some couples travel much for work, have deployments, etc. but still manage to be happy.
Her last relationship ended simply because her and the then BF just weren't compatible. She described him as your typical "failure to launch" - crappy job, lived at home, wasn't real understanding about her commitment to her kids. And (keeping in mind that I knew her a while before we became exclusive) she used to belly-ache about how hard it is to get a guy who wants to commit who has something going on for himself.
So, best guess is that she's not looking to screw around, but she's seeing how much a committed relationship takes, and is having second thoughts.
And yeah I did tell her we need to talk. Nothing accusatory, but just an acknowledgement that these are troubling behaviors that lead to "growing apart" and mutual disinterest. I know how that path goes and I'm going to cut it off with a firm "you can have me and what I have to offer, or you can have your freedom to do as you please, but not both".
From a birds eye view, to me, she kind of likes the arrangement.... maybe for her kids..... but she wants and likes some freedom. Maybe that works for you, maybe it doesn't. If it doesn't, its your call as to what to do.