Well he’s proven to you that he won’t change after how many years of cheating? (Probably the full 16 or close to) So I think it’s time you believe him. Not his words, his actions. The actions that say he has relationships, flings, friends with benefits and one night stands. You are dealing with a man who will cheat on you for literally any warm female body that will allow it. That’s not something that can be “fixed”.My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of, although I suspect it has been more. He had a "friends with benefits" for awhile (stopped when I found out), then an actual relationship with someone he worked with for around 2 years (again, stopped when I found out). I honestly have no excuse for why I stayed ... he always managed to convince me that he actually loved me best and that the life we have together is worth saving.
Anyways, I recently found out he had a one night stand with a much younger co-worker about a year ago. He contracted chlamydia from this young lady without knowing and then passed it on to me. I was completely in the dark about the whole thing until I went to the doctor for treatment for an unrelated infection and was tested ... talk about an unpleasant surprise. 🙄 He obviously had no choice but to come clean and now I want a divorce but he does not.
My question is am I really a complete moron to stay with him? He has been doing things this time around that he has never done before, like individual therapy and going to church. He claims to be extremely sorry and totally disgusted with himself (not that I haven't heard this song and dance before ... ) He has "re-devoted" himself to me and the family and has been extremely attentive and affectionate. We have 3 young kids and I would definitely be taking them from a comfortable life in a nice home and a good school district to basically a life of poverty if we leave. There is tremendous guilt there, and of course, I would be lying if I said I don't still love my husband. Other than cheating and lying, he is a helpful, reliable partner and an amazing father. We have made a lot of beautiful memories in 16 years and I am scared and sad to give all that up. But I am also so tired of finding out he cheated yet again, and scared for my physical and mental health if I stay.
In your experience, can a serial cheater ever really change? If you have been in a similar situation, what are some things you regret/would have done differently/are really glad you did? I'm pretty sure a divorce is the best option but I'm totally lost amd miserable and need some guidance.
I find it sad that you don’t focus on your own pain and suffering because of what he does to you... like it doesn’t even matter as long as he “changes”.
Think about this. He saw what kind of pain he caused you the first time, and he did it again. He saw the pain he caused you the second time and he did it again. He knew the devastation it would bring, witnessed it with his own eyes, and then did it again. Does this sound like a guy who cares about you or gives the slightest **** about your pain? That isn’t something that’s “fixed” either.