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What should I do during seperation

Ok me and my wife have seperated and she said she was done. But she says she needs space. She says we are on 2 different paths right now. Iv e started counseling for myself. Even though I live in apartment we share our checks and Bill's in the same account. I'm letting her use my vehicle with my step kids cause it's in my name and she doesn't have one to go back and forth to work. I gave her pretty much everything in the house. I've been considerate and trying to be patient and understanding. But she is so cold in her response to me. She talks more like I'm a client instead of a husband. In about 12 days it will be a month of separation. Divorce was only used one time that's the day we fought. When we meet one night to talk. She said it had only been 2 weeks and if I'm expecting any hope right now the answer would be no. But again she emphasized again she needs space. She is in stressed at work feels like she is the one doing everything in the relationship. I asked if there is anyone else and she said no. I dont have time for anyone right now nor do I want anyone. So I'm giving her space, the other day the only reason she texted me was to get the account for Netflix because my son signed out of it. She said I didn't have to but I did. So is my marriage over. Because of the distance and the coldness she responds with, or what. I even tried to get the kids to do something with me this weekend but she said they have plans. But my daughter said she didn't know anything about anything. So is it over? I mean when do I pull the plug on the bank account and so on. I mean I made mistakes but not to the extreme of her treating me this way, like I didn't exist. I've always bent over backwards. I've been praying and working on me that's all I can do. How do I know if their is hope still. I am the main bread winner in the house. Combine over $100,000 a year with $75,000 of mine. She has 4 kids they are all step kids but I've spent 10 yrs of my life with them. So I claim them as mine. It's hard dealing with the emotional roller coaster and loneliness. But we are still functioning the same as if I was in the house. Meaning using the bank and such. But she has been very cold. She is a person who can cut you off just like that. When shes done she's done. But I'm confused. You want space, your using the vehicle that I said you could use, as for how long u need because of the kids, and we still have our checks in the same account and use them. But your very short and cold with no emotion when ever you do talk to me. So again is it over, is it just space and longer she is needing or do I start taking things away, such as the bank and vehicle. Cause I'm at limbo. I want to save my marriage at all possible. But dont know what to do? And dont know her expectations
 

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I’m sorry you are going through this. It is my experience that when a woman says she is done, she is usually done. In this case your wife is acting like she is also done. If I were you, I’d start getting things in order and plan for divorce.
 

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How did you meet and what attracted you to each other?
What's the story on the 4 step kids? 4 step-kids, all from something previous, and you've been together 10 years, so these kids are how old? Who's their dad? Is he still in the picture?
When did things start to go badly?
Does she have a clue about finances?
What does your life look like without her in it?
 

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is it over, is it just space and longer she is needing or do I start taking things away, such as the bank and vehicle.
Before you make any moves, go see a lawyer. Find out where you stand, exactly, and where you will stand should you take away things.

She needs "space" ? Well, isn't that just phucking ducky ???? What the hell about her VOWS ? What the hell about her RESPONSIBILITY ?

Her VOWS said that needing "space" was no longer an option. Once you find out where you stand, legally, take away everything. She made a choice to be your wife. There is one way, and one way only, that she can not be your wife, and that is to ENDURE THE PENALTY of not having you as her husband. This "space" thing is horse$hit. Don't allow it, not for one minute, after you get your legal bearings.

Combine over $100,000 a year with $75,000 of mine.
Well, guess what? Your name is not "welfare department".....stop being the prince.... let Rapunzel cut her hair, weave a rope, and get herself out of the tower.

Tell her that you are ready, willing, and able to be her loving husband. And, if you are still available when she decides to let go of her entitlement and become your loving wife, you can then discuss getting back together. However, you are not going to wait around preserving your availability..... you are ready, willing, and able NOW and you want a wife NOW.

BTW..... "space" is frequently a euphemism for "I want to commit adultery without the shame of facing you"....
 

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I am not a big fan of separations... legally, I suggest getting back into your home before 30 days is out unless there is detrimental abuse... to make any repairs to your relationship you really need to be present.

Be respectful, be kind, and only share what is necessary.

What is the focus of your individual counseling? What for you are you working on?

There is much more going on than you realize in her suffering and if you are not present, you will never be aware of it or able to grow from it.
 

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If she was here and we asked her why she felt the need to separate, what would her answer be?

Without knowing why, it’s hard to advise.

That being said, from what you described, she sounds “done”. If she had been talking to you about the same problem for a long time and you kept promising her change and you never did long term, then yeah...stick a fork in her.
 

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like mine did with me .... she's using you, taking advantage of you, exploiting you ... and you are letting her

when you've had enough of that, you'll stop it, until then ? she's got you exactly where she wants you
 

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See a lawyer and protect yourself.

She seems to be using the separation for her own ends. This needs to be stopped. A separation must be exactly that. A separation of everything, including finances.
 

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Ok me and my wife have seperated and she said she was done. But she says she needs space. She says we are on 2 different paths right now.
What are the two paths she's talking about?


Iv e started counseling for myself.
Why are you in counseling?

Divorce was only used one time that's the day we fought.
What was the fight about?
 

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Think really hard. What has she brought up. Often times it's been brought up over and over, over the years but you thought is was fine. Then once the wife is done and counseling starts the husband will say well she sometimes said ...... Fill in the blank... but I didn't realize it bugged her that much. I'll fix it right now. But it's too late, she's done.

Blank might be
He spends too much time at work and I feel like I have to handle everything at the house myself
I work too but I have to do all the cooking and cleaning, he can't even put his own dishes in the sink
He love his hobby ..... he spend so much money on it and time I feel like I"m always second
He loves his Mom, she never thinks anything I do is good enough, she is always insulting me and he never does anything about it.
I want to feel like he still finds me attractive. We never go out or date. I just the wife appliance.
He won't stop watching porn (or doing weed) even though we have talked about it over and over.

Truth is for some there is still a chance. Counseling may help but often counselors just really aren't that great about their job. Why is she so busy? Have you missed your opportunity to be a good partner and take something off her plate? You say you've bent over backwards is this always or new AND THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT are the things you have been bending over backwards doing something she wants? For instance I know of a husband who spent a ton of time in the yards, great grass, no weeds, beautiful flowers but the wife would rather have spent time together at the beach. She's not a yard person. Other husbands buy flowers but the wife is someone attracted to acts of service. Do you know your wife's love language? Have she told you any reason why she's done? You are in counseling but are you two considering couples counseling? What was the fight about? Do you normally fight or was the the last straw for her?

You should proceed with caution. No relationship will get repaired without hope, love and compromise on both sides and often times with differing amounts. But many women when they are done they are done. They spent years hoping for change, often times expressing themselves out loud (sometimes not) and by the time they pull the trigger they are at a no turning back point. You can google the term walk-away-wife.

I wish you hope.
 
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