Talk About Marriage banner
161 - 177 of 177 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,859 Posts
Count me with the ones that advised him to wait till the wedding.
To make this a bit more clear, my advise was never about being considerated with his soon to become Ex.
It was all focused in his fatherly care for his daughter in a very significative time of her life.
In THOSE terms I still stand for what I´ve said.
What is IMO the lesson from the update?
That her mother finds less important her daughter´s wedding than her own timming.
Not sure why I´m not surprised.
The daughter already knew. What's different. Really.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter · #165 ·
Yes best to move out a bit if you can. When I divorced, my ex got his good pension and I got our small home. They were valued at the same amount and I had the three teens with me full time so couldn't do the half the house and half the pension thing. Once my oldest left home and I started divorce proceedings, I couldn't afford to stay there and had to free up some money for the solicitors fees so had to buy an even smaller place. Not easy I know.
I'm trying to do something similar. My wife keeps the house and I keep my pension and the retirement savings. I think that would be about equal value, only problem is the small mortgage on the house and my wife thinks she can't afford the bills. Got so used to me paying for everything.
Next week I go to a lawyer to see if I can make this happen ASAP. The longer this drags on, the more friction there will be between us.
If I can manage to buy a tiny condo in town then work 2 or 3 years. Pay down the mortgage then retire sell and move away. Far away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
201 Posts
Just found out at couples counseling today that my STBX has already told our daughter that we are splitting up.
That tells me this delay because of the wedding was for other reasons. Not to prevent a "distraction".
Also she has contacted a lawyer already too.
Establishing a narrative for starters! Weddings brings mothers and brides closer together (not always)…. This time is often full of a lot of advice and raw emotion, making it much easier to manipulate….

…”don’t make the same mistake(s) I did…”
”I tried my best to hide it from you kids all these years…”

Hs the way your daughter looks at you lately seemed off or changed?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter · #167 ·
Establishing a narrative for starters! Weddings brings mothers and brides closer together (not always)…. This time is often full of a lot of advice and raw emotion, making it much easier to manipulate….

…”don’t make the same mistake(s) I did…”
”I tried my best to hide it from you kids all these years…”

Hs the way your daughter looks at you lately seemed off or changed?
Good question. I haven't heard a word from my daughter. That means a lot because she should be asking me questions.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,029 Posts
Good question. I haven't heard a word from my daughter. That means a lot because she should be asking me questions.
She's already been given your wife's story, which I sure places ALL of the blame on you. Which is why sitting on this is a foolish move. While you are sitting back doing nothing, your wife has been busy spreading her narrative making you out to been an even bigger fool.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter · #171 ·
It sounds like your wife is like 5 moves ahead of you. You are always going to be reacting to her actions, trying to explain yourself based on your wife's narrative. Stop it!
Had a conversation with my daughter this morning. We both got emotional, no surprise. At least now she has my side of the story.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter · #172 ·
She's already been given your wife's story, which I sure places ALL of the blame on you. Which is why sitting on this is a foolish move. While you are sitting back doing nothing, your wife has been busy spreading her narrative making you out to been an even bigger fool.
I don't believe she would take my wife's word as "gospel". My STBX is a drama queen that tends to exaggerate.
My daughter is well aware of it. In the end family is family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,012 Posts
All I can say is that were I you I'd get the best meanest shark of a lawyer NOW and get my ducks in a row without delay.
You would think so, but I have serious doubts that that's what he'll do. He will be taken to the cleaners says my crystal ball. He thinks that he just can sit with the soon to be ex wife and all will be divided equally, and all will be honky dory. It seems that domestication made him forget that in a divorce, the woman (with some exceptions) is always quite a few steps ahead of the poor sucker of a dude. And they invariably get as nasty and vicious as it can be, while the sucker dude can't seem to fend from left, right, behind, or front.

If I were him, I would sort of hope for the best, while completely prepared for the worse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
She refused counseling up until a couple of weeks ago. But at the session we went to she was absolutely certain that she wants to end the marriage. Just not yet.
She's playing games bro. Sorry to say. I know it's hard after so long, but if you have the financial resources, I would suggest getting your financial house in order immediately, if you have not done so already, get a shark of a lawyer, then file for divorce. Maybe it's some sort of things she's going through or she really wants out, but if you are the one to pull the plug, it may wake her up out of her whatever is going on, or, she will happily agree and you got your answer. If she goes along right away, as much as it sucks, you can then start focusing on you and carry on with your life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter · #176 ·
She's playing games bro. Sorry to say. I know it's hard after so long, but if you have the financial resources, I would suggest getting your financial house in order immediately, if you have not done so already, get a shark of a lawyer, then file for divorce. Maybe it's some sort of things she's going through or she really wants out, but if you are the one to pull the plug, it may wake her up out of her whatever is going on, or, she will happily agree and you got your answer. If she goes along right away, as much as it sucks, you can then start focusing on you and carry on with your life.
I agree that it's time to take charge and make her an offer separate. If she won't except the offer to buy her out of the house, then the house will have to be sold. No more stalling.
Thinking that I will tell her this at the couples counselor session next week. Hopefully I'll get an honest answer one way or another.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
I agree that it's time to take charge and make her an offer separate. If she won't except the offer to buy her out of the house, then the house will have to be sold. No more stalling.
Thinking that I will tell her this at the couples counselor session next week. Hopefully I'll get an honest answer one way or another.
You can use the counselor session if that makes you feel safer and better about it, but take it from me, won't make a lick of difference if you're in session or just chatting in a quiet setting at home. The result may be the same. Honestly, doing it without the counselor may give you some freedom and peace of mind that you "manned" up so to speak and did it on your own. I know it's a difficult thing to experience, but you just got to keep a level head.
 
161 - 177 of 177 Posts
Top