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Discussion Starter · #141 ·
Is the house worth much? If it is then can't you both each buy a smaller place?
That's what most couples seem to do. Sell a larger place and each get somewhere smaller. Maybe an appt.
We already downsized to a smaller home a few years ago. Because of my wife's credit card abuse, we have a small mortgage on it now. The money we got from downsizing was spent on renovations and her credit card debt.
With the price of homes now there is nothing affordable in the city. I would need to move about an hour away and commute to work. Not sure if that is a good, or practical option.
Even a condo or flat is expensive in town.
 

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We already downsized to a smaller home a few years ago. Because of my wife's credit card abuse, we have a small mortgage on it now. The money we got from downsizing was spent on renovations and her credit card debt.
With the price of homes now there is nothing affordable in the city. I would need to move about an hour away and commute to work. Not sure if that is a good, or practical option.
Even a condo or flat is expensive in town.
Yes best to move out a bit if you can. When I divorced, my ex got his good pension and I got our small home. They were valued at the same amount and I had the three teens with me full time so couldn't do the half the house and half the pension thing. Once my oldest left home and I started divorce proceedings, I couldn't afford to stay there and had to free up some money for the solicitors fees so had to buy an even smaller place. Not easy I know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #145 ·
Have you had a history of not putting this delusional, entitled loser in her place?

Nuke her ridiculous expectations and take up your life.
I always believed that you should give your wife 100% support, no matter what.
That said, yes I have been too easy going at times but I don't think I'm a perfect husband either.
However that needs to change now. She is my STBX and needs to be treated like a former business partner that stole from the company.
 

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Discussion Starter · #146 ·
An advantage to telling both the kids now is that you can move forward without worrying about the kids.
I never thought of it that way.
Kind of a relief that I told my oldest son today. Was afraid I might get too emotional but It wasn't so difficult.
My daughter is much more sensitive like her father. This will hurt her a lot.
The middle son is a very deep thinker. Very grounded. I'm thinking that he will help the other sibling work through it.
But, of course I could be 100% wrong.
Thanks for the reply.
 

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She refused counseling up until a couple of weeks ago. But at the session we went to she was absolutely certain that she wants to end the marriage. Just not yet.
so you know it’s going to end - but she wants to control the narrative/timing?

No way. File for divorce. There’s no reason to stay one more minute to someone who doesn’t want to be with you. She is using you at this point.
 

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Wow, you do see the whole picture. Such good advice. Thanks.

The reason I posted here is mostly to get myself prepared for the hard decisions coming up.

I don't care what she does after we split up. I don't want any contact with her at all either. Not interested in "being friends" as she says.
It isn't as if you have a choice in the matters to come.

The most important thing in life is your health, and the health and happiness of your family, your soon to be ex wife not included.

I suspect your wife will be in for a surprise if she ends up dumping her family for this (likely) other man. The odds are not in her favor for it to work out, long term.

It is not your problem, however.

You will come out of this with fewer baubles and a few missing tail feathers.
You will be fine, irregardless.

Keep your head high.

If she ends up with a new boyfriend, she will be soon disparaged by others.
 
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so you know it’s going to end - but she wants to control the narrative/timing?

No way. File for divorce. There’s no reason to stay one more minute to someone who doesn’t want to be with you. She is using you at this point.
She is thinking of her child, as we all should.
 

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She is thinking of her child, as we all should.
Or she already has a lawyer and she's biding for time to get all her legal and financial ducks in row in order to bleed OP as dry as she can, while he is here worrying about everyone's feelings.

Brains, not heart determines the outcome of a divorce. Divorce is not a game to pause because of feelzies, it's a war and the one willing to fight the hardest wins.

Mediation and amicable resolution is actually a genuinely rare gem.
 

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Or she already has a lawyer and she's biding for time to get all her legal and financial ducks in row in order to bleed OP as dry as she can, while he is here worrying about everyone's feelings.

Brains, not heart determines the outcome of a divorce. Divorce is not a game to pause because of feelzies, it's a war and the one willing to fight the hardest wins.

Mediation and amicable resolution is actually a genuinely rare gem.
Pretty much this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #152 ·
She is thinking of her child, as we all should.
Just found out at couples counseling today that my STBX has already told our daughter that we are splitting up.
That tells me this delay because of the wedding was for other reasons. Not to prevent a "distraction".
Also she has contacted a lawyer already too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #153 ·
It isn't as if you have a choice in the matters to come.

The most important thing in life is your health, and the health and happiness of your family, your soon to be ex wife not included.

I suspect your wife will be in for a surprise if she ends up dumping her family for this (likely) other man. The odds are not in her favor for it to work out, long term.

It is not your problem, however.

You will come out of this with fewer baubles and a few missing tail feathers.
You will be fine, irregardless.

Keep your head high.

If she ends up with a new boyfriend, she will be soon disparaged by others.
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.
 

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Just found out at couples counseling today that my STBX has already told our daughter that we are splitting up.
That tells me this delay because of the wedding was for other reasons. Not to prevent a "distraction".
Also she has contacted a lawyer already too.
So stop playing by her rules and file for divorce ASAP.
 

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Just found out at couples counseling today that my STBX has already told our daughter that we are splitting up.
That tells me this delay because of the wedding was for other reasons. Not to prevent a "distraction".
Also she has contacted a lawyer already too.
She's manipulating the entire situation to catch you off guard and to get what she wants. I'm surprised she told you about the attorney. Time to prepare for a war you don't want. It's important to remember that she no longer cares about you, and that she is already attacking through lies, deceit, and manipulation. I'm sorry for your situation.

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Just found out at couples counseling today that my STBX has already told our daughter that we are splitting up.
That tells me this delay because of the wedding was for other reasons. Not to prevent a "distraction".
Also she has contacted a lawyer already too.
Your wife is a manipulative snake. I hope you can finally see that.
 

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Just found out at couples counseling today that my STBX has already told our daughter that we are splitting up.
That tells me this delay because of the wedding was for other reasons. Not to prevent a "distraction".
Also she has contacted a lawyer already too.
Fair enough so you dont have to worry unless your child has asked her mum to leave it till after the wedding?
 

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For those slamming OP about being inconsiderate because of upcoming wedding, here's your sign. For those that forecast this good job.

OP, hang in there. You can weather this. Once you get closer to the other side things will get better.
No one was slamming him, we just thought it was the best thing to do for the child. Its what some would do.
 

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For those slamming OP about being inconsiderate because of upcoming wedding, here's your sign.
Count me with the ones that advised him to wait till the wedding.
To make this a bit more clear, my advise was never about being considerated with his soon to become Ex.
It was all focused in his fatherly care for his daughter in a very significative time of her life.
In THOSE terms I still stand for what I´ve said.
What is IMO the lesson from the update?
That her mother finds less important her daughter´s wedding than her own timming.
Not sure why I´m not surprised.
 
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