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Thank you Diana7. The lawyer that I have spoken with said the same thing. The settlement has to be fair or it won't be considered a legal separation. That would create a possible challenge in court years later.
Obviously that would be a costly mistake.
Hopefully you have been married long enough that you can agree to communicate on most matters to save loads of money. It's really not worth fighting if you can avoid it. Apart from anything else it will take twice as long and cost many thousands more. Plus it will cause pain for your children caught up in it.
 

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Fairness means he works on what is fair for all. So that everyone can have what they need for the future. After all they have been married for a very long time so it's probably that all assets are spit 50/50.
So let me get this straight. In most of the cases, because of nature, men work longer hours and contribute more to the household in terms of assets and income. But a 50/50 split of assets is fair if the woman has an affair or files for divorce just because.

Even if it were the other way around as sometimes happens, if the woman earns the lion's share, and the man wants to bail for no reason or an affair, he gets to walk away with what everything he contributed and the rest that adds up to 50% as prizes? How is that fair in either one of those scenarios?

There is virtually nothing like a no fault divorce. Real no-fault divorces are so rare that they can be can be seen as the unicorns of divorces.

I can understand that the person who contributed more than 50% to the household be penalized to loose 50 of assets is it is their fault that they broke the covenant of marriage, but if the other partner breaks the covenant, they get awarded the difference between what they contributed up to the 50% as prizes for breaking their sacred bond and the spirit of the marriage contract. Then that 50/50 split is not fair at all. Heap spousal support and child support on-top of that (where applicable)... Then ordinary people sit there and defends this as fair.

No wonder people who have a high earning potential are not willing to get married anymore. It's a bad deal for anybody who is ambitious at all.
 

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I hope you’re right, but have huge doubts.
If they both have good fair lawyers and can both act like mature adults it may just be ok. I would have thought that all assets and debts will be combined and agreements made to split everything.
In the end though it will take both of them to agree to do this in a civil way.
 

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If they both have good fair lawyers and can both act like mature adults it may just be ok. I would have thought that all assets and debts will be combined and agreements made to split everything.
Why do you always have all these “ifs” and “mature adults” statements?????
If the majority of people acted that way, there would be little need for divorces. OP’s wife seems pretty shady and totally has hers and not his interest at heart.
 

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Why do you always have all these “ifs” and “mature adults” statements?????
If the majority of people acted that way, there would be little need for divorces. OP’s wife seems pretty shady and totally has hers and not his interest at heart.
Because how a divorce goes does depend on both acting in a mature and fair way. Not wanting revenge or pay backs or causing trouble and pain to each other. Divorces happen for all sorts of reasons but why make the divorce much harder than it needs to be?
I have seen several divorces where both acted like grown ups, despite affairs etc. Its so much better for the children and so much cheaper and easier all round. I am a great believer in not making things harder than they need to be.
 

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Because how a divorce goes does depend on both acting in a mature and fair way. Not wanting revenge or pay backs or causing trouble and pain to each other. Divorces happen for all sorts of reasons but why make the divorce much harder than it needs to be?
I have seen several divorces where both acted like grown ups, despite affairs etc. Its so much better for the children and so much cheaper and easier all round. I am a great believer in not making things harder than they need to be.
Divorce should not be easy. It should be the most difficult thing in the world to shatter a family. These days families are shattered at any whim and the one responsible walks away scot-free and with prizes.

This is how civilizations fall.
 

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So let me get this straight. In most of the cases, because of nature, men work longer hours and contribute more to the household in terms of assets and income. But a 50/50 split of assets is fair if the woman has an affair or files for divorce just because.
It all depends on your divorce laws...

Mine is a no-fault state, it would not matter an affair happened or 50.

What they do look at is individually incurred debt or an imbalance in disbursement, which the judge will most assuredly look for if it is too out of whack. My divorce was postponed because the court wanted to know "why" on some numbers that were even to her favor.

Our mediation attorney even made a mistake and forgot to list a cash asset which was caught by him and I, for $35k. I asked him what the impact was to introduce to the courts to be told they would throw out the entire proceedings and we would have to begin from the beginning.

Because my ex wanted as inexpensive divorce as possible and we had agreed to fairness in assets and my retirement was matched with cash from a life insurance policy ensuring she forego any claim to it, I had to make a decision if the money was worth it.

It was not... it was the best money I ever parted with and the divorce completed within the set timeframe.

Too many mistake kindness for weakness when it is anything but.
 

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Discussion Starter · #233 ·
You didn't say what she buys and what happens to what she buys.
She buys clothes, shoes, decorations for the house (for example; artwork , collectables) also entertainment like movies and theatres and concerts
Plus she spends on takeout food and restaurants because she hates to cook.
I do 90% of the cooking.
You didn't say what she buys and what happens to what she buys.
She buys clothes, shoes, decorations for the house (for example; art work, collectables) also gifts for family and her friends. She also spends on take out food and restaurants because she hates to cook. I do 90% of the cooking and all of the grocery shopping. She goes to movies and theatrical events regularly.
Not sure what else she buys but it sure adds up quickly. We mortgaged the house to pay her debts last summer and already she owes over $2000 on credit.
 

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She buys clothes, shoes, decorations for the house (for example; artwork , collectables) also entertainment like movies and theatres and concerts
Plus she spends on takeout food and restaurants because she hates to cook.
I do 90% of the cooking.

She buys clothes, shoes, decorations for the house (for example; art work, collectables) also gifts for family and her friends. She also spends on take out food and restaurants because she hates to cook. I do 90% of the cooking and all of the grocery shopping. She goes to movies and theatrical events regularly.
Not sure what else she buys but it sure adds up quickly. We mortgaged the house to pay her debts last summer and already she owes over $2000 on credit.
I hope your not still cooking for her.
 

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Why haven’t you cancelled the credit cards? I hope the answer is that you have been advised by competent legal counsel that you are not responsible to pay them. I doubt that’s true. It looks like a lot of the expenses were for both of you. The court is very unlikely to let you pick and choose which debts are hers.
 

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Why haven’t you cancelled the credit cards? I hope the answer is that you have been advised by competent legal counsel that you are not responsible to pay them. I doubt that’s true. It looks like a lot of the expenses were for both of you. The court is very unlikely to let you pick and choose which debts are hers.
How are her clothes, shoes, concerts she attends, movies she attends, takeout she eats, HIS expenses? And art and decorations he didn't buy or want?
 

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How are her clothes, shoes, concerts she attends, movies she attends, takeout she eats, HIS expenses? And art and decorations he didn't buy or want?
As unfair as it seems, most judges aren’t going to waste their time separating clothes (any for him?) from take-out dinners that they both ate. Who says he didn’t want the decorations? What proof does he have, not that it matters? I would have thought @Dictum Veritas, of all people, would know that.

We’ll see how it goes in front of the judge. It’s understandable that people want to argue fairness instead of legality.
 

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YeAh, op is gonna pay half that credit card bill whether it’s fair or not. He seems ok with being “fair” just as he’s been ok with all his wife’s overspending, etc, that she’s been doing the whole marriage.
Passive behavior is what has gotten him to this point. Being passive is absolutely one of the most self destructive things a man can do in a marriage.
 
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