separation again/she has lawyer, I do not

Hello to all in this forum. I am looking for constructive criticism; advice; coping skills; so on. Now, for my sad story...Married 18 years then, in Sept. last year, the wife said she has had enough frustration. Her reason for wanting separation is being fired from yet one more job. Other reasons: I will not do dishes. I have no problem using a vacuum, cleaning the restroom, changing the sheets, love doing laundry, don't mind cleaning up after the dog.
So, we married legally and in a catholic church in 1993. One year later, we produced a daughter. The daughter will be 18 soon. The wife has had the same employer for the past 11 years-prior to that, she worked at a company for 12 years. I dislike to bring up money issues and lean towards the other reason for the separation and eventually a divorce is money. All right, now back to the separation-I voluntarily moved out to save the daughter from heated arguments; save her from seeing my intermittent explosive disorder.After moving out & being separated- my belief is my good nature, my ability to be kind-was key in her decision to let me move back in. My thoughts are the other reason to let me move in was to assist with transportation needs of the daughter. Jan 2012 to Oct 2012 --- all was, for the most part-peachy.

My natural curiosity and being nosy allowed me to discover that she is actively text messaging & possibly talking to a co-worker. I thought/believed/guessed that being legally married and waiting for the divorce to be final meant just that.

Now, to be brief, I believe/feel/think that until the marriage is officially over- one cannot start to date/dance/talk/text/ ...so on, out of respect for the marriage and the spouse.

I then finally had the courage to ask "So, if I were to go out with/date/dance with/ talk to another girl - you're OK with that?" She said "Yes, go and have fun and wind up f-ing whoever you want. I won't hold it against you."

My only concerns are at this point ...do I need to get checked for STD's due to her view of me dating even though currently married? I am leaning towards if it's ok that I do something like that- she wants the same ability-if not already started.
Concern #2: what message is our daughter receiving if the wife says it's ok to go out and f around with whoever you want because in the wifes eyes-the marriage is over even though divorce court has not occurred.

Concern#3 : should I cut off all form of communication with her until the court date. Considering I married & live in Calif., and am on unemployment - is she going to pay for my attorney? Do I need an attorney? Can I represent myself?

Concern #4: do I take the time to conduct surveillance on her and get photos of her and my replacement? I am thinking the judge would render a decision in more of my favor if I provide evidence she is on a fling even though still married?

Thanks for spending time reading this, thanks for this web site, I thank anyone in advance for decent opinions or assistance. Also, first time here and hopeful my rant is posted in the correct area of the forum/website.