Talk About Marriage banner

21 - 40 of 47 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter · #21 ·
You think your wife was on drugs that night?
Had she taken drugs before?
Is she used to the effects?

There are guys out there that know peri menopause is good time to pounce, her sex hormones can be higher, whilst her connection to partner and family lower.

What a sickening sight to witness.
What a jerk of a colleague.
What a sadly traumatic end to a long term marriage.

Something inside your wife did shift, like she says, and like you see, she is a different person now after the shift.
It happens to some women.
I changed for awhile.

Sorry you are going through this.
Like I said, i'm 99% sure she was on coke that night, we have tried pot before, and in fact did some with my vape earlier that night, which brings her down (mellow).
This night she was full of energy at 5:00 in the morning not showing any sign of slowing down.
There is a mirror in this bedroom too, I have since looked at it and all I can sy is wow, lines and powder all over it!
A lot of people at work know what he has done and he already wasn't liked, I on the other hand am well regarded at work.
It is sad that after being together for 31 years that she didn't even want to try and talk to me and maybe try and work through whatever it was she was feeling.
But she has opened my eyes to to the person she really is and I don't want anything to do with that person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
866 Posts
Like I said, i'm 99% sure she was on coke that night, we have tried pot before, and in fact did some with my vape earlier that night, which brings her down (mellow).
This night she was full of energy at 5:00 in the morning not showing any sign of slowing down.
There is a mirror in this bedroom too, I have since looked at it and all I can sy is wow, lines and powder all over it!
A lot of people at work know what he has done and he already wasn't liked, I on the other hand am well regarded at work.
It is sad that after being together for 31 years that she didn't even want to try and talk to me and maybe try and work through whatever it was she was feeling.
But she has opened my eyes to to the person she really is and I don't want anything to do with that person.
She just wanted to get laid by someone else. It's that simple. It's too bad her character didn't cause her to avoid cheating. In all likelihood, she will never change.

What are you going to do about it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,838 Posts
Thank you so much, it feels good to get this out and talk with people that have had similar eperiences. I will be a better person and life certainly does go on after this. I will admit I had thoughts of suicide briefly, and I sought counselling and have been speaking with my family doctor. I feel so much better today than I did 3-4 months ago. I appreciate any advice from those who will listen.
Remember your sons need you.​
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,838 Posts
So he is a druggie, a drunk and a cheater. Wow. It's amazing what loosers some women will go after. Hard to understand.
Don't give up on the house. Tell your lawyer that you want to stay, especially as your son is still there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,081 Posts
in regards to the jerk, did you kick him out of your house and did you son drop him as well? how have you engaged with him at the office? BTW if you wife is engaging in drugs and still hanging out with him, i would notify the police that he has drugs at where everywhere he is living at.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,816 Posts
Your wife’s separation was to focus solely on her new boyfriend with you conveniently out of the way.

Get tested for STDs if you haven’t.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,897 Posts
You need to get a good shark lawyer -- do NOT let your love of who you thought she was blind you and have to give in or give her more out of the goodness of your heart.
If HE is guiding her, they are still in the affair -- 180 her, and make sure you have a VAR on you for ANY interactions you have (so she can't pull that crap with the cops again).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,565 Posts
How old are all of you, WW and POSOM?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,563 Posts
This is a truth like water is wet. Nice passive men get taken advantage of and more often then not cheated on. I am willing to bet money this not the first time. You are way way too nice and way too trusting.

What you need know is, the Knight in Shinning Armor goes out and dies, the Prince gets the girl.

Don't hide this to protect her you are doing her no favors in the long run.
When this blows up and it will, she is going to come back crying and saying how it wasn't her, when she tells you she needs to go to rehab. Make her take a lie detector test because I there will be other incidents between your whole marriage. Then at least you will understand who you were married to.

Yes people do lose the script, but not this fast usually it's a progression. You probably have no idea who your wife is..

Make sure to be actively in your new life, once you heal, start dating, because you don't want to make her your fall back. I know you looovvvee her and "she is a wonderful person who just happened to do coke and do her sons friend in her married bed, because of work stress, covid and the change of life" But really she is not a good person who you would do well to get as far away from as possible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter · #31 ·
So he is a druggie, a drunk and a cheater. Wow. It's amazing what loosers some women will go after. Hard to understand.
Don't give up on the house. Tell your lawyer that you want to stay, especially as your son is still there.
We are trying, if we can’t agree to a value then we will sell.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,061 Posts
Her parents must be so proud of her. <snort> Nothing like being a 47 year old coke head.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,563 Posts
I’m 53, they are both 47.
We’ve been together since she was 16
So very typical of these situations. If you read around you will find your story is quite common, even the high school sweetheart thing. Guys like you just don't have the context to understand who they are married too, and don't have enough experience to understand the way we to put or women on a pedestal is very unwise and emotionally dangerous.

Usually this is something that is learned early, and you are better for it. Unfortunately some guys marry these women and they use this trusting nature to take advantage.

I have read your story like 100 times. It's pretty much the same, I think the women are much more careful when the kids are young because they have so much to loose, so they only act out occasionally and hide it very well. When they get older they actually start to believe their own bull****, like they are a catch. Like anyone who hasn't been married to them for 40 years would be wiling to put of with their **** for more then a few months of fun.

It will blow up hard for your wife and when it does don't be her fallback. Go find an emotionally healthy women who has had your kind of experience and watch how much better all aspects of your life is. You are going to be shocked at the difference.
 
  • Like
Reactions: latenightagony

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter · #35 ·
So very typical of these situations. If you read around you will find your story is quite common, even the high school sweetheart thing. Guys like you just don't have the context to understand who they are married too, and don't have enough experience to understand the way we to put or women on a pedestal is very unwise and emotionally dangerous.

Usually this is something that is learned early, and you are better for it. Unfortunately some guys marry these women and they use this trusting nature to take advantage.

I have read your story like 100 times. It's pretty much the same, I think the women are much more careful when the kids are young because they have so much to loose, so they only act out occasionally and hide it very well. When they get older they actually start to believe their own bull*, like they are a catch. Like anyone who hasn't been married to them for 40 years would be wiling to put of with their * for more then a few months of fun.

It will blow up hard for your wife and when it does don't be her fallback. Go find an emotionally healthy women who has had your kind of experience and watch how much better all aspects of your life is. You are going to be shocked at the difference.
Thank you so much, I agree with you 100% 🥰
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,816 Posts
Sorry man. He maybe a loser but that’s who your wife picked over you. Let her go. You deserve better and there are better out there than this. You’ll find out decent guys are in demand.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
92 Posts
I truly believe that something is wrong in her head
after being together for 31 years that she didn't even want to try and talk to me and maybe try and work through whatever it was she was feeling

She checked out of your marriage a long time ago. She's finally gotten the courage (in her mind anyway) to leave.
She doesn't have the courage to speak to you directly and rationally. Can't bring herself to be open and honest because she doesn't want to 'hurt' you with the truth. Did she tell you a riddle - I love you but im not in love with you? She also has 'feelings' for another man that she hasn't felt in a long time (assuming this isn't her first rodeo).

there's more to it - it looks like Sokillme sketched it out.

In your home, while you were asleep is inexcusable. Maybe she wanted to get caught. The OM doesn't seem like the swiftest either to go along with such a risky proposition. Let this guy have her. This should be your attitude. If he's a substance abuser, her lifestyle will turn to ****. Let her parents deal with her. you are free.

Go find a girlfriend. Trust me she'll notice that.

You also have to toughen up. Ignore her needs when she comes calling on you to handle some bs. Weakness is your worst enemy. There is no other way to say it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
178 Posts
I'm sorry you're here. I'm sorry you witnessed what you did.
Please, for your own sake, and sanity, divorce this woman.
You will never reconcile and heal staying married after seeing what you did.
I'm one who also caught a spouse in the act. That sight will never leave you.
I wish you and your son the best going forward.
 
21 - 40 of 47 Posts
Top