I have been married for over a year. My husband insisted on living with his parents in his mother's house for reasons of elder care. I moved in with them. To cut a long story short, his mother hijacked the marriage from Day One and destroyed it even before it had a chance to begin. I lived with them for 5 months before eventually moving back to my home town. Now, we live in different cities and have spent more time separated, than with each other.
Somewhere along the way, my husband discovered his mother's true colours and moved out of her house. He claims he has reached the point of completely disowning her. He says he wants to make it up to me, make the marriage work and set right his past mistakes. He wants to move to my city and live with me. It is evident he loves me very much. I do not love him. I have been asking for a divorce since long, but he won't let go. (He knows I would prefer divorce by mutual consent over the emotional and financial rigours of fighting him out in the courts.) I have told him I am sick of giving him a "second chance" after each of his countless failures. I understand that his intentions are good but he does not have it in him to make marriage work.
I have developed a crush on a professional contact. For obvious reasons, I am careful not to let anyone know about my feelings for him. He is saccharine sweet to me but I don't know if he behaves that way with every one. My heart leaps with joy every time I get his attention. I feel disappointed when he does not reply to my messages. Whenever I wish I could be with him, I watch videos of his on YouTube (he is a public figure of sorts). I fawn over his exotic accent, his rosy cheeks, his scholarly demeanour, his hidden sense of humour. Sometimes, I spend sleepless nights thinking about him. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of night and stare at his photos stored in my phone. Just thinking about him makes me happy and light. His words brighten my day. I feel like a teenager high on life. He knows I am married. I don't know if he has a partner.
Do I feel guilty about having this crush? No. Is there a chance I could take it ahead with my crush? None, because of my marital status. (Besides, it's risky because of our professional involvement.) Will I be over him in some time? Maybe; I'm not sure. Am I ready for another serious relationship yet? Possibly not. I don't believe what I am doing is emotional infidelity or amounts to breaking the nuptial vows. I want my husband and I to move on from a marriage we never had. I tried talking with my husband about this, but in vain. Someday, he might travel 1500 kilometres, with bag and baggage, and show up at my door. I talk about divorce; he talks about shipping me tulips.
On one hand I have to stop myself from going moon-eyed in front of my crush. On the other, I am trying to convince my husband to back off. I really don't know what to do.
Somewhere along the way, my husband discovered his mother's true colours and moved out of her house. He claims he has reached the point of completely disowning her. He says he wants to make it up to me, make the marriage work and set right his past mistakes. He wants to move to my city and live with me. It is evident he loves me very much. I do not love him. I have been asking for a divorce since long, but he won't let go. (He knows I would prefer divorce by mutual consent over the emotional and financial rigours of fighting him out in the courts.) I have told him I am sick of giving him a "second chance" after each of his countless failures. I understand that his intentions are good but he does not have it in him to make marriage work.
I have developed a crush on a professional contact. For obvious reasons, I am careful not to let anyone know about my feelings for him. He is saccharine sweet to me but I don't know if he behaves that way with every one. My heart leaps with joy every time I get his attention. I feel disappointed when he does not reply to my messages. Whenever I wish I could be with him, I watch videos of his on YouTube (he is a public figure of sorts). I fawn over his exotic accent, his rosy cheeks, his scholarly demeanour, his hidden sense of humour. Sometimes, I spend sleepless nights thinking about him. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of night and stare at his photos stored in my phone. Just thinking about him makes me happy and light. His words brighten my day. I feel like a teenager high on life. He knows I am married. I don't know if he has a partner.
Do I feel guilty about having this crush? No. Is there a chance I could take it ahead with my crush? None, because of my marital status. (Besides, it's risky because of our professional involvement.) Will I be over him in some time? Maybe; I'm not sure. Am I ready for another serious relationship yet? Possibly not. I don't believe what I am doing is emotional infidelity or amounts to breaking the nuptial vows. I want my husband and I to move on from a marriage we never had. I tried talking with my husband about this, but in vain. Someday, he might travel 1500 kilometres, with bag and baggage, and show up at my door. I talk about divorce; he talks about shipping me tulips.
On one hand I have to stop myself from going moon-eyed in front of my crush. On the other, I am trying to convince my husband to back off. I really don't know what to do.