I don't get how couples can be so transparent with each other, or if it's even possible!
Mavash said: I seriously just like in the past 3 weeks got my husband to open up and be fully transparent to me (I've been working on this for the past TWO YEARS) And how I did it was I set him free
and I became a safe person for him.
I've been studying NMMNG.
He now says he feels fully accepted by me, says he feels free and that he can tell me anything.
Before? No way I would have absolutely punished, judged or gotten angry at him if he said or did something I didn't like.
So do I blame him for hiding and lying to me? Nope. He was simply doing what he had to do to protect himself from me.
THIS is so on the money!! I think your wife needs to have a chat with Mavash here - a true success story...a woman changed, therefore her husband changed as well. :smthumbup:
I am all for Transparency...you know this Random Dude.... BUT it takes 2 people who see the value in bringing forth our innermost thoughts & feelings at their roots.. whatever that is...no matter how dark, difficult, hard to hear.... we vow to care enough, respect each other enough to not hide, not lie....but also to not expect perfection (how very important this is!)....we must be that SAFE Haven , Approachable in
all things...being offended, getting angry, never allowing our spouse to live something uttered down -this will destroy it real fast.
Such people must shed... their nit picking to nauseum tendencies ....understand it's OK to feel differently on a subject, it doesn't make us bad people....There is no place for blame shifting/ grudge holding / an unforgiving spirit if the other is truly sorry for an offense / and one must have enough self reflection to own their own faults before their spouse -and in an argument.
Sometimes the fight is not worth your marriage...we must compromise.
Without those behaviors worked out ..a 100% transparency is just not worth the hassle ... Even when one spouse may want this....they don't feel like becoming a Masochist to achieve it. As in all things.... it takes 2 .
My husband has always made this rather easy for me....He understands human nature very well & damn he is easy to talk too.... Love him dearly for this, I don't think we would have lasted if I had be real selective in what I share lest world war 3 would start. I don't know how people can walk on those egg shells. That would be foreign to us.
If this is what happens when you are honest
...you're not going to want to be put back in the flames.
But on your end, maybe you can garner some Tact in your honesty too... we don't need to be rude and hurtful to our spouses either, if we are strugging with something, there is a time & place to open up - be vulnerable like that. On the really sensitive subjects...we all have them.
