First off, my husband and I have been together for about 8 years and have two kids.
About a year ago I suspected he was secretly videotaping me because I found a hidden camera/thumb drive in our home. He claimed he found the thing at work- and treated me like I was crazy. He even got offended and angry with me for suspecting such a thing. I believed him.
A couple of months later it happened to be laying on the floor next to his night stand. We were literally just about to have sex when I saw him pick it up and place it ON the nightstand pointing at us. I called him out and he responded "Oh I was just picking it up!"
When prodded later he continued to deny videotaping me- of course telling me I was the crazy one. He once again, would get really angry at me for questioning him. He would make me feel like I was betraying him by not trusting him. I couldn't question him without him getting extremely defensive and turning it around on me. I had to let it go because I had no proof.
A month or two later (about 6 months ago), I found yet a new and different thumb-drive recording device place 'just so' in the top of his closet, pointing at the bed. I then found a hidden file on it- of us having sex. I ripped apart the room and also found numerous of the little memory cards for the drive hidden in his dresser, yet no more videos.
I immediately e-mailed him because at the time he was at work, and asked him again if he was video taping me, and again turned it around like "how dare I accuse him of such a thing." He swore up and down he would NEVER do such a thing to me etc... I felt so incredibly manipulated! Especially because THREE times I'd asked him and he turned it around on my, and I was left feeling like a horrible un-trusting wife for questioning him.
Upon presenting my evidence, he confessed.
He confessed to have been video taping our sex for the past TWO YEARS.
Now during this time he was video taping me, we had been going through a rocky period. My father passed away and a depression (plus meds) left me with a lack of sex-drive. I felt extremely alone and once the sex decreased, it caused a lot of problems. I continued to try, yet felt resentful because he didn't ever seem to care about what I was going through or how I was feeling, only whether he got laid and how good it was. If I ever said 'no,' it would be a fight and he would accuse me of "not trying." I was so angry because i WAS putting forward effort. I felt like he was always holding sex over my head... and never willing to hear me when I said we really needed to work on our relationship in order for me to feel close to him. When I found out he was video taping me, I felt I never really DID matter to him.
In the end was left feeling extremely manipulated and used, and that sex mattered more to him than me; his wife. Why else would he sabotage our entire relationship? He had always been very sex driven, and would get nasty with me if I would turn him down. He also watches porn, and I fear he may have put videos of me up online. Of course he says he didn't, but how can I trust him? I probably would have even left him if it wasn't for the kids.
This past 6 months, I've done my best to work through it, but I can't seem to trust him. I've convinced myself that he doesn't see me as a real or equivalent person- that he has zero respect for me. I, of course, also question his love. In the end, he has made me feel worthless.
We've gone on fine on a day-to-day basis, but it comes up once in a while. He swears up and down he's sorry, and has realized how much it hurt me. I KNOW he's sorry. He explained he got caught up in the excitement of it and never stopped to think about how it might hurt me.
Also- still, every so often he gets very angry with me for still being mad and un-trusting, and gets pissed if I bring up how it still makes me feel. He thinks I should "get over it" or "move on" because it's been 6 months. He says he loves me and he made a mistake... but this was a TWO YEAR mistake, not just oops one time.
How am I supposed to feel? Am I over-reacting? Should I learn to move on and forgive him, believing him when he showers me with all the "I love yous and I'm so sorrys?" How would you feel?
About a year ago I suspected he was secretly videotaping me because I found a hidden camera/thumb drive in our home. He claimed he found the thing at work- and treated me like I was crazy. He even got offended and angry with me for suspecting such a thing. I believed him.
A couple of months later it happened to be laying on the floor next to his night stand. We were literally just about to have sex when I saw him pick it up and place it ON the nightstand pointing at us. I called him out and he responded "Oh I was just picking it up!"
When prodded later he continued to deny videotaping me- of course telling me I was the crazy one. He once again, would get really angry at me for questioning him. He would make me feel like I was betraying him by not trusting him. I couldn't question him without him getting extremely defensive and turning it around on me. I had to let it go because I had no proof.
A month or two later (about 6 months ago), I found yet a new and different thumb-drive recording device place 'just so' in the top of his closet, pointing at the bed. I then found a hidden file on it- of us having sex. I ripped apart the room and also found numerous of the little memory cards for the drive hidden in his dresser, yet no more videos.
I immediately e-mailed him because at the time he was at work, and asked him again if he was video taping me, and again turned it around like "how dare I accuse him of such a thing." He swore up and down he would NEVER do such a thing to me etc... I felt so incredibly manipulated! Especially because THREE times I'd asked him and he turned it around on my, and I was left feeling like a horrible un-trusting wife for questioning him.
Upon presenting my evidence, he confessed.
He confessed to have been video taping our sex for the past TWO YEARS.
Now during this time he was video taping me, we had been going through a rocky period. My father passed away and a depression (plus meds) left me with a lack of sex-drive. I felt extremely alone and once the sex decreased, it caused a lot of problems. I continued to try, yet felt resentful because he didn't ever seem to care about what I was going through or how I was feeling, only whether he got laid and how good it was. If I ever said 'no,' it would be a fight and he would accuse me of "not trying." I was so angry because i WAS putting forward effort. I felt like he was always holding sex over my head... and never willing to hear me when I said we really needed to work on our relationship in order for me to feel close to him. When I found out he was video taping me, I felt I never really DID matter to him.
In the end was left feeling extremely manipulated and used, and that sex mattered more to him than me; his wife. Why else would he sabotage our entire relationship? He had always been very sex driven, and would get nasty with me if I would turn him down. He also watches porn, and I fear he may have put videos of me up online. Of course he says he didn't, but how can I trust him? I probably would have even left him if it wasn't for the kids.
This past 6 months, I've done my best to work through it, but I can't seem to trust him. I've convinced myself that he doesn't see me as a real or equivalent person- that he has zero respect for me. I, of course, also question his love. In the end, he has made me feel worthless.
We've gone on fine on a day-to-day basis, but it comes up once in a while. He swears up and down he's sorry, and has realized how much it hurt me. I KNOW he's sorry. He explained he got caught up in the excitement of it and never stopped to think about how it might hurt me.
Also- still, every so often he gets very angry with me for still being mad and un-trusting, and gets pissed if I bring up how it still makes me feel. He thinks I should "get over it" or "move on" because it's been 6 months. He says he loves me and he made a mistake... but this was a TWO YEAR mistake, not just oops one time.
How am I supposed to feel? Am I over-reacting? Should I learn to move on and forgive him, believing him when he showers me with all the "I love yous and I'm so sorrys?" How would you feel?