Secret STD

12307 Views 59 Replies 22 Participants Last post by larry.gray, Jan 21, 2013

cantdecide

Discussion Starter · Nov 15, 2012

At this point it really doesn't matter but I'd like to get everyones opinion.

My ex and I are now officially divorced thanks to her affair and her general attitude. About 2 years before she began having her affair, she admitted to me that she had an STD and had had it since before we were married (15 years at that point). I wasn't mad about the STD but was extremely disturbed that she had hidden this from me since we began dating in 1989. She claims that she thought I wouldn't have married her if she had revealed the truth (which is not true). She held this secret thru the entire marriage and thru 2 child births. At the time she told me, things were not good between us. A lot of distance and silence. Looking back I really have to wonder if she really had the STD all that time or if she'd had an earlier affair and had contracted it.

Like I said, it really doesn't matter anymore but things like this stick in my head and I really have to wonder.

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TrustInUs

· #2 · Nov 15, 2012

Do you mind sharing what she std was? Not to get too personal I just can't see how see would be able to hide the std for so long. I know there some that women find out about later like hpv that laid dormant for years w/o symptoms, but 15 years seems a long time. I'm inclined to believe it came from the affair.

ETA did you go to the prenatal appointments? Seems impossible to get around hiding it during pregnancy due to risk to the babies.

C-man

· #3 · Nov 15, 2012

Having an STD and not telling your partner is criminal, in my mind.

My wife did a similar thing. She had an affair 3 years ago, but led me to believe it was "just" an EA. When she finally admitted it physical (just recently admitted and after we had separated) I asked her about STD risk. I was astounded when she said she is tested by her doctor every time they take blood or urine. Where we live, you don't get tested during routine lab checks unless you ask. I have been monogamous for 26 years, since I fell in love with my wife. I had never been tested.

Then, cleaning out her office, I found an old prescription record and it had a hell of a lot of anti-biotics over the past 2 years. Now, she was sick a few times with pneumonia, but some of them were at totally different times and were of the type used to treat certain STDs. That doen't prove she had one, but she never told me and we contined to have sex fairly regularly.

So I know the outrage of being put at risk by a partner who is so wrapped up in their selfish affairs that they don't tell the one person they really HAVE to tell.

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CandieGirl

· #4 · Nov 15, 2012

Depends...sometimes things like HPV or even Herpes lie dormant for years, which would make it very easy to hide or to 'forget' about.

cantdecide

Discussion Starter · #5 · Nov 15, 2012 (Edited)

It was herpes. She claims that she's known about it since before we were married. Claims that she dated a few guys and isn't sure which one gave it to her.

Yes, I went to many of the prenatal appointments and it was never mentioned. Our first child was extremely complicated. He was born 5 weeks premature. I was VERY involved with her appointments and doctor visits. She did go to quite a few without me though.

5 years ago was about the time I started asking her if she was happy or if she was considering divorce. She never seemed to be happy. Makes me wonder if she did indeed have another affair that she was very careful to hide.

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tom67

· #6 · Nov 15, 2012

cantdecide said:
It was herpes. She claims that she's known about it since before we were married. Claims that she dated a few guys and isn't sure which one gave it to her.

Yes, I went to many of the prenatal appointments and it was never mentioned. Our second child was extremely complicated. He was born 5 weeks premature. I was VERY involved with her appointments and doctor visits. She did go to quite a few without me though.

5 years ago was about the time I started asking her if she was happy or if she was considering divorce. She never seemed to be happy. Makes me wonder if she did indeed have another affair that she was very careful to hide.

Maybe DNA the kids just so you know?

cantdecide

Discussion Starter · #7 · Nov 15, 2012

Cedarman said:
Having an STD and not telling your partner is criminal, in my mind.

My wife did a similar thing. She had an affair 3 years ago, but led me to believe it was "just" an EA. When she finally admitted it physical (just recently admitted and after we had separated) I asked her about STD risk. I was astounded when she said she is tested by her doctor every time they take blood or urine. Where we live, you don't get tested during routine lab checks unless you ask. I have been monogamous for 26 years, since I fell in love with my wife. I had never been tested.

Then, cleaning out her office, I found an old prescription record and it had a hell of a lot of anti-biotics over the past 2 years. Now, she was sick a few times with pneumonia, but some of them were at totally different times and were of the type used to treat certain STDs. That doen't prove she had one, but she never told me and we contined to have sex fairly regularly.

So I know the outrage of being put at risk by a partner who is so wrapped up in their selfish affairs that they don't tell the one person they really HAVE to tell.

I agree, I wasn't mad about what she disclosed only WHEN !!

6 months ago I asked her if she told her affair partner that she had an STD. Her reply..........."it's none of his business".

cantdecide

Discussion Starter · #8 · Nov 15, 2012

tom67 said:
Maybe DNA the kids just so you know?

My kids are 15 and 18. No chance there.

PHTlump

· #9 · Nov 15, 2012

tom67 said:
Maybe DNA the kids just so you know?

What does it matter? Once kids are over a year or two old, the husband has to support them anyway. All a DNA test would do is to confirm that you are legally required to support another man's child. How could that possibly help anything?

tom67

· #10 · Nov 15, 2012

PHTlump said:
What does it matter? Once kids are over a year or two old, the husband has to support them anyway. All a DNA test would do is to confirm that you are legally required to support another man's child. How could that possibly help anything?

Of course it doesn't matter he is legally the father and will always be the father but for future medical reasons for THEM it could be important that's all.

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cantdecide

Discussion Starter · #11 · Nov 15, 2012

My kids are my kids. Let's not go there. There was NO trouble between my ex and I back then.

I'm just wondering how people think about hiding an STD from their partner for 15+ years. It just doesn't make sense to me. I can't imagine hiding that from my wife. It just makes more sense to me that she got an STD from an undisclosed affair that she had sometime before she told me about the STD. She's always been very private about her health matters but REALLY? 15 years?

thunderstruck

· #12 · Nov 15, 2012

Main thing is, of course...none of this matters at this point. My guess is that she got it from a previous affair, or that the PA you know about actually started earlier than you think.

Anything is possible, but I find it hard to believe that she could have kept this a secret through 15+ years and two childbirths.

cantdecide said:
...asked her if she told her affair partner that she had an STD. Her reply..........."it's none of his business".

Hard to feel sorry for the POSOM, but yeah, sucks for him.

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cantdecide

Discussion Starter · #13 · Nov 15, 2012

thunderstruck said:
Main thing is, of course...none of this matters at this point. My guess is that she got it from a previous (and somewhat recent) affair, or that the PA you know about actually started earlier than you think.

Anything is possible, but I find it hard to believe that she could have kept this a secret through 15+ years and two childbirths.

Hard to feel sorry for the POSOM, but yeah, sucks for him.

Feel sorry for him? hahaha. Since she's been with him he's been hit by the karma bus. Intestinal bypass surgery to lose weight, gallbladder removed and a ruptured ulcer. Add the risk of an STD in there..............still don't feel for him.

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tom67

· #14 · Nov 15, 2012

cantdecide said:
Feel sorry for him? hahaha. Since she's been with him he's been hit by the karma bus. Intestinal bypass surgery to lose weight, gallbladder removed and a ruptured ulcer. Add the risk of an STD in there..............still don't feel for him.

I love that karma bus ex and bf end it after 1 year aww too bad lol

CandieGirl

· #15 · Nov 15, 2012

Also, since it's herpes, chances are that you'd have contracted it by now...I think she got it in an affair.

If she had it before the kids were born, she'd have had to fess up. Herpes can be transmitted during a vaginal birth, causing severe birth defects...is she THAT selfish?

cantdecide

Discussion Starter · #16 · Nov 15, 2012

CandieGirl said:
Also, since it's herpes, chances are that you'd have contracted it by now...I think she got it in an affair.

If she had it before the kids were born, she'd have had to fess up. Herpes can be transmitted during a vaginal birth, causing severe birth defects...is she THAT selfish?

Yes, she's THAT selfish. I do remember her being very private, trying to go to her prenatal visits by herself. I still can't imagine both her and the doctor hiding that fact from me.

thunderstruck

· #17 · Nov 15, 2012

cantdecide said:
Feel sorry for him? hahaha. Since she's been with him he's been hit by the karma bus. .

I FN love karma bus stories.:smthumbup:

Gabriel

· #18 · Nov 15, 2012

I agree - she got it after the kids were born. Only told you because she felt it was going to come out.

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tom67

· #19 · Nov 15, 2012

cantdecide said:
Yes, she's THAT selfish. I do remember her being very private, trying to go to her prenatal visits by herself. I still can't imagine both her and the doctor hiding that fact from me.

That's disgusting!

thunderstruck

· #20 · Nov 15, 2012

CandieGirl said:
If she had it before the kids were born, she'd have had to fess up. Herpes can be transmitted during a vginal birth, causing severe birth defects...is she THAT selfish?

Going by memory...I think W was tested for it (we're both clear) during prenatal visits, with the thought that a mother with herp should get a C-section to avoid what you posted.

Did she have a C for both kids?

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