scared

1069 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by QuietSoul, Oct 30, 2012

QuietSoul

Discussion Starter · Oct 30, 2012

Hi guys.

I really need to get this out...

I am really worried and scared that it's only a matter of time before I cheat on my husband.

I use to have more guy friends, but tend not to befriend guys as a married woman.

I have a few guy friends which I have had for a long time, there is no history between us, and my husband knows them.

but that's not who i'm worried about.

I went to a support group for cult survivors about four weeks ago. I had been in touch with this place for a few years and had been to other groups there, but this was a new closed group that was more facilitator led.

So we all swapped emails and I told everyone to add me on FB if they wish. One guy did.

I usually add people to mine and my husband's shared FB, but I used my other personal one which is a pauedonym and an.identity I use to blog about my cult experiences.

So he's a chatter, and most nights we have chatted on FB since the group.

I was worried to begin with because when I went to the meeting, he's really fit looking and was wearing a tight t shirt and I was trying not to notice.

And when we've been chatting, it's all been above board, then one day we were talking about this girl he likes and he was.saying how he feels like he's not good looking enough and I said he was fine but then quickly felt like I shouldn't be commenting. After that, he kind of fished fir compliments, so I would.steer clear of any physical comments.

Today, there was a meet up outside the group setting. 5 of us went to this restaurant. And when I saw him, I am pretty sure he was very happy to see me, and I sat strategically so I wasn't near him and found it hard to make eye contact. I almost didn't go because by this stage I knew there was some kind of dynamic that just can't be there
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EnjoliWoman

· #2 · Oct 30, 2012

You are both recovering from a cult environment? That screams of co-dependency. Are you in IC? I would suggest it's time to leave the group environment and unfriend and block the man you are interested in. Don't put yourself in that position any longer.

Do you love your husband? Place your interest in him. Don't let this become an EA or a PA.

How long have you been married? Is your marriage otherwise good? Are there any children? What is missing in your life? You need to find a way to fill it that doesn't involve this guy and cut him off completely now.

IT's great you recognize the danger now. Don't ruin your life and hurt your husband for a little self-affirming fun.

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QuietSoul

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 30, 2012

Well... i've been out of my group since 2006 and started recovering in 2008. He was in a fundamentalist muslim environment but he relates heavily to the cult experience. he is quite broken and in need.

I know that "nothing has happened", like not even a handshake, but I am disturbed that there is a dynamic there and I know it takes two people to create that, and that I need to be hypervigilant.

My husband knows I have been chatting to him and the guy knows i'm married. But I think I will take a break from Facebook.

As far as my marriage goes... we have been married for almost five years. During that time, we have gone through some really hard stuff. he has been in hospital after experiencing a manic episode and for months he blamed me and was still in his delusions. Around that time, I had a major breakdown that took me a good few years to recover from. As for sex... we are both on meds so we're bot intimate very often but it's slowly improving. The beginning of this year was the hardest time in our marriage, there were some really stressful things going on and when he is under stress I become his emotional punching bag. He was also lying to me around this time and things really came to a head, it was a big wake.up.call for him, and since then.we have been slowly healing.

I do love him and I would hate to hurt him in that way.

My fear comes from.knowing what.i've been capable of in the past, like I know my own weakness and I know when I am.trying to justify things in my mind.

There had been a few times that I have felt attracted or drawn to someone, or when someone is on my mind, and what I did was avoid that person, ask God to remove anything between us that shouldn't be there, and when necessary I have told a friend about it.

Anyway, I am worried that it's only a matter of time because I have done it before in past relationships and I know i am not immune
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