My wife and I have been separated for about 2.5 weeks, married close to 10 years. We have 3 children, 5, 8, and 9. Since then I have been staying with family and trying to cope, but it's going horribly. I was a very needy/dependent husband, we argued a lot, and I was incredibly mean spirited when things didn't go my way. But we had a lot of amazing times as well. This all lead over the years to the threat of separation/divorce several times but we always managed to work through until now.
First, I was a stay at home dad for the better part of the past 4 years, so I babysat for several people, and since we still need that money I still have to go to the house and spend 10-12 hours some days watching my 3 children and the babysitting kids. The pain is horrible being there seeing our home, all of my stuff is still there and the house is the same as the day I left.
Second, She doesn't know if she wants to try and work on it, or just get a divorce and that's why all my things are still there. I only took some clothes/bedding. She says she just doesn't know what she wants to do, or if she can trust me to do what I need to do, like be nicer, help more around the house, and stuff. I have since separated found a job, and start next week, she says she will figure out the babysitting situation, seems happy about the job, but says its not the deciding factor about us.
Third, We are getting along OK at the moment, she tells me about work and stuff, we still say I love you, kiss, and such when I leave. Just not around the kids. I text her good morning and good night and other than specific questions or kid related stuff not about us, I don't contact her.
At this point I don't know what to do. I'm in therapy, shes not interesting at this time. Being there and seeing her so much is killing me. Its almost every day at some points. I can't sleep, eat, or enjoy anything. And all the Christmas music and stuff just drags me down even further as this was always our favorite time of year.
She has a male friend that she swears nothing happens with and that he just helps watch the kids when I can't or hangs out and watches a show. However, I watched the kids so she could grocery shop and she lied about him going with her. She fessed up immediately when pressed and I let it slide. I don't think there's anything there, he was a friend before all this and would hang out and such.
Basically, I just need help, please. I want her back more than anything in the world, but this middle of not knowing even she even wants to TRY is horrible. Thanks for any help.