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. ( note we havent sleep together ever since 3 years now because i have 3 little ones sleeping with me on the king bed so he is sleeping in the other room plus he snores and need the fan on even if the ac is on it’s a habit so we havent really sleep together since.) with his hurtful remarks i barely care to approach him for sex as why should i? if he find me unattractive like i gave birth 6 months ago plus 3 other small kids and i barely have time to work out… the thjng that hurts the most still would be that he even have thoughts of it or fantasies makes me sick and have not look at him the same.. plus it would be a embarrassment to his family if he secretly does this and cheat on me ill be sure to tell his family the truth.
As I said above, you have serious structural issues in your marriage for which him scoping out sex sites is just another drop in the bucket.

what is it you are wanting to accomplish here?

are you wanting advice on what to do to improve your situation?

Or are you wanting people to tell you how great you are and how bad he is, but not actually do anything about your situation?
 

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Maybe I misread 😳...You haven't had sex with your husband for 3yrs ?

Just playing devils advocate. What exactly do you expect him to do ? Just remain in a sexless marriage ?

Maybe he was just looking at swing sites just to curb his appetite. ?

His treatment of you is absolutely 💯 % wrong.

Yet I wonder , is his treatment of you , a symptom of a sexless marriage?

Seems like a lot more is going on in your marriage than you have stated 🤔
I agree with @Jimi007. Not sleeping together for 3 years then complaining because he is having swinger fantasies? Perhaps he is treating you the way he does because he is frustrated that you have him in a sexless marriage. Get the babies out of your bed and bring your husband back in where he belongs. You are reaping what you sow lady.
 

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Discussion Starter · #23 ·
Maybe I misread 😳...You haven't had sex with your husband for 3yrs ?

Just playing devils advocate. What exactly do you expect him to do ? Just remain in a sexless marriage ?

Maybe he was just looking at swing sites just to curb his appetite. ?

His treatment of you is absolutely 💯 % wrong.

Yet I wonder , is his treatment of you , a symptom of a sexless marriage?

Seems like a lot more is going on in your marriage than you have stated 🤔
We do have sex when we find the time for it but its not me it’s him he only last like a min or 2 every time and when i want more he already explode and done with.. we just dont sleep in the same bed for 3 years with little ones being terrible sleepers and all so i coshare bed with my kids.. when i try to be sexy and flash my
Boobs and come at him he makes hurtful comment like im not interested ur too fat.. beside im not even that big im 152 pound a little chubby but not severe overweight.. like i said if u gonna act like that towards me ill stop trying to please u . But if he wants it he comes at me for a min or 2 to get explode.. like i said he has narcissistic signs he expect me to have a small stomach ( gave birth 6 months ago ) but he also has a big stomach too and when i said how u gonna tell me i have a big stomach and im trying to lose from having birth 6 months ago and ur stomach is big too his reponse was “ well cuz im a man a woman should have a nice body..
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 · (Edited)
Ah, so you're falling out of love with the guy and want us to validate your "feelings"? As a man, I can tell you that the reason your man even contemplates watching porn or looking at swinger sites is because he is not getting enough sex. Are you really "fat"? Or, at least, are you in bad health to the point that it affects your sex life?
Im 152 lb and a little chubby only not severly overweight medically his expectation is i should look like a skinny model. Note these are all narcissistic characterastic from him expect me to look like a model. I do sneek in the middle of the night to make him satisfied we are happy when he is happy and when he is mad for stuff i dint even know he gives me silent treatment for a week or act all piss for a couple days..im not falling out of love with him i just have to let it out as im heading towards thinking of going to therapy for my own mental health..
 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
As I said above, you have serious structural issues in your marriage for which him scoping out sex sites is just another drop in the bucket.

what is it you are wanting to accomplish here?

are you wanting advice on what to do to improve your situation?

Or are you wanting people to tell you how great you are and how bad he is, but not actually do anything about your situation?
I just need advice, and sharing my heart out as it’s so hard to keep it in , i cant tell my friends or sister cuz this is not something we Comfortable discuss about in my culture..I m thinking to get therapy for my own mental health i dont want this kind of emotional abuse to continue..
 

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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
As far as his swinger use goes, that just may be fantasy on his part. However, everything else that you have told us suggests that you are better off without him than with him. I would make plans on leaving the marriage, even if you have to give up some share of the property in order to get out.
 

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Im 152 yo and a little chubby only not severly overweight medically his expectation is i should look like a skinny model. Note these are all narcissistic characterastic from him expect me to look like a model. I do sneek in the middle of the night to make him satisfied we are happy when he is happy and when he is mad for stuff i dint even know he gives me silent treatment for a week or act all piss for a couple days..im not falling out of love with him i just have to let it out as im heading towards thinking of going to therapy for my own mental health..
Is he in tip-top shape? And furthermore, is he making the (most) money in the relationship?
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
I agree with @Jimi007. Not sleeping together for 3 years then complaining because he is having swinger fantasies? Perhaps he is treating you the way he does because he is frustrated that you have him in a sexless marriage. Get the babies out of your bed and bring your husband back in where he belongs. You are reaping what you sow lady.
Not sleeping together at night doesn't mean we dont have sex, i sneek in the room when kids are alseep.. but with 4 kids all 7and under its hard to do anything and with the body shaming would u expect me to change myself for my husband, no if you talk bad to me like that im not losing weight to satisfy you.. im losing weight for myself and my kids..Plus even if the little ones are not in our bed he has bad snoring problems and needs the fan on loud all the time that it’s hard to sleep with him as i get allergy and easily get sick from dust and the cold.. it is his ideal not mine..
 

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Discussion Starter · #30 ·
As far as his swinger use goes, that just may be fantasy on his part. However, everything else that you have told us suggests that you are better off without him than with him. I would make plans on leaving the marriage, even if you have to give up some share of the property in order to get out.
after a couple days to clear my head , yes sounds like it might be a fantasy but im a hopeless romantics and with him having these fantasy it hurts to even think he has fantasy like this… the man i fell in love with has totally change completely.. i love him but he seen like a whole diff person..
 

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He is Medium built with no muscle, a round stomach no abs, not consider fat or chubby it’s like he looks average with a round stomach…. He is our breadwinner atm until i get my car than ill start doing side gig....
Ok so... you need to do some introspection here... He makes the money in the house and is average build. You, on the other hand, are overweight, do not work and somehow, someway believe you "deserve" more.

How do you think your husband would feel if he were to find out his wife was in a marriage forum complaining about him watching swingers porn? All the while withholding sex because, let me guess, you're "tired"?
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 ·
Ok so... you need to do some introspection here... He makes the money in the house and is average build. You, on the other hand, are overweight, do not work and somehow, someway believe you "deserve" more.

How do you think your husband would feel if he were to find out his wife was in a marriage forum complaining about him watching swingers porn? All the while withholding sex because, let me guess, you're "tired"?
Ok??? Im not expecting more from him im expecting him to treat me with respect! How do you please someone if they just keep shutting you down and calling u fat ect..when i was 120lb it’s all
Good and lovey dovey and when i birth 4 kids in a 7 year span and too busy to keep up with my weight than u think he should treat me like that.. im not gonna come to him to please him if he treat me this way and if its because of this he on swinger porn site he don’t deserve me or the kids.. if he wants to come at me for sex im fine with it ill have sex but im not going to come at him unless he change his way….
 

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Oh wait...so we're going to blame OP now for her husband treating her badly; calling her names and hurting her feelings? Is that the game?

What a bunch of bs.

@Mnxxiong ignore the useless noise going on here.

The simple fact is that no matter how much you weigh or if you work or not, you don't deserve to be shamed for it. (Here or in your marriage).

Every relationship has plenty of blame to go around on both sides but a common ground should be mutual respect and decent treatment, and ideally, a loving environment.

From your description, you're giving him what he needs, but in return he's treating you poorly and has expectations of you that you can't meet.
Some here say, 'well he needs a skinny & working wife so this is all your fault' Yea, that's genius. 🤮

Put the babies in their own room, you know they belong there. You have to make room for your husband in your bed.
Try to come to an agreement about that in spite of the snoring and fan issues.

Get your husband into counseling. He needs to clearly hear the problems that he's causing from his treatment of you. Looking at porn or swinger sites might be a just fantasy but if you're not ok with it, then that needs to stop too. Stand up for yourself and what you will tolerate in your life.

And again, consider your children and the model parents they have.
Do you want them to grow up thinking this is normal?
Make some changes asap! If you can't change things with hubby, then do it without him.
 

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Ok??? Im not expecting more from him im expecting him to treat me with respect! How do you please someone if they just keep shutting you down and calling u fat ect..when i was 120lb it’s all
Good and lovey dovey and when i birth 4 kids in a 7 year span and too busy to keep up with my weight than u think he should treat me like that.. im not gonna come to him to please him if he treat me this way and if its because of this he on swinger porn site he don’t deserve me or the kids.. if he wants to come at me for sex im fine with it ill have sex but im not going to come at him unless he change his way….
I honestly believe the swinger porn is your weird mental way of absolving yourself of the pain you're about to inflict on your family.

Overweight, unemployed and with kids? You're about to essentially socially cripple your children with your decision.

It would be much easier for you to lose the weight, find a job and find a way to love your husband.
 

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@ BeyondRepair007
Oh wait...so we're going to blame OP now for her husband treating her badly; calling her names and hurting her feelings? Is that the game?
No, no, it's not about blame... sometimes there isn't a better answer. Sometimes "be a better wife/husband!" IS the answer.

It's clear that the OP is here seeking to get her feelings validated. HE is clearly fulfilling his side of the contract, which is to provide and protect.

SHE ISN'T. She is here looking for excuses and her "feelings" (whatever that is) and his porn watching activities are The Excuse. What she is trying to do is freaking awful.
 
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