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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
 

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Assuming he is not actually trying to get with other people, you are in your right to divorce simply on how he mistreats you.

if you do want to remain with him with even the slightest bit of health and happiness, you need to shock his ass into a big wake up call and get him into some serious marriage counseling and get him to wake up and treat you better if he wants to remain with you.

him looking at porn or checking out swinger ads is but one twinkling little star in a constellation of serious issues.

the real problem is you’re probably not going to get his attention or get him to pay attention and actually change his attention until you blow something up.

you’ll probably have to actually separate and serve him papers that spell out in black and white numbers exactly what it will cost him to continue down this path.
 

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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
Wow this is terrible. And I'm not even talking about the swingers page!
That man has zero respect for you as a woman, or as his wife and mother of his kids.

Do you want them growing up acting like him?

And yea...the swinging thing looks bad too.
 

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I will also add that I was in the swinging lifestyle for about 10 years and was on a variety of swinger sites and forums.
The vast majority of guys on there are just dreamers and wannabes and guys who watch too much porn and think they can get on there and find some porn chick that will blow them out of the blue.

a lot just want to check out pictures. Some couples are there to see if they can find any nakey pictures of their neighbors.

a few are tire kickers trying to see if they can work up the courage to actually do it.

And there are a good number that do give a try but fail and aren’t able to actually make it happen because they don’t have the temperament or the social and relationship skills to connect with other people while still maintaining a marriage. And quite a few guys are just too fat and unattractive to actually attract any women in the lifestyle.

my honest guestimation is that probably less than 10-15% of the people on any given swinger website or forum are actually bona fide active swingers that are actually meeting people and having any sort of actual sex.

the rest are dreamers and wannabes and nonhackers.
 

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I will add one more thing, the actual bona fide swingers on those sites that have actually been in the field, can smell assholes like the OP’s husband a mile away and avoid them like the plague.

and they will also blacklist them and warn their friends about them if they do come across them.

I’ve even known a couple people that if some guy tries to contact them and they suspect he’s trying to scam his wife or pull something over on them, they will try to track down his wife and rat him out.

people like the OP’s husband are considered the scourge on swinger websites.
 

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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
You might want to look into your legal recourse in the case of a divorce without consulting him.

After all, he didn't communicate with you about swinging..


Maybe it's nothing but curiosity but his poor treatment of you is concerning and lends credence to his intentions about swinging.

Cover your bases and protect yourself and your children just in case.

Romantic women are a treasure and I'm so sorry your husband seemingly has squandered and disrespected his good fortune.
Women, who are romantic about their husbands, are high value women.

You have great worth. Please take measures to protect yourself and your children just in case.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I will also add that I was in the swinging lifestyle for about 10 years and was on a variety of swinger sites and forums.
The vast majority of guys on there are just dreamers and wannabes and guys who watch too much porn and think they can get on there and find some porn chick that will blow them out of the blue.

a lot just want to check out pictures. Some couples are there to see if they can find any nakey pictures of their neighbors.

a few are tire kickers trying to see if they can work up the courage to actually do it.

And there are a good number that do give a try but fail and aren’t able to actually make it happen because they don’t have the temperament or the social and relationship skills to connect with other people while still maintaining a marriage. And quite a few guys are just too fat and unattractive to actually attract any women in the lifestyle.

my honest guestimation is that probably less than 10-15% of the people on any given swinger website or forum are actually bona fide active swingers that are actually meeting people and having any sort of actual sex.

the rest are dreamers and wannabes and nonhackers.
thank you, it’s been a couple days now and Ive clear my head a bit im pretty sure it is as what you are saying that he just fantasizing about it in the middle of the night and being on these forums cuz he is horny ect.. ( note we havent sleep together ever since 3 years now because i have 3 little ones sleeping with me on the king bed so he is sleeping in the other room plus he snores and need the fan on even if the ac is on it’s a habit so we havent really sleep together since.) with his hurtful remarks i barely care to approach him for sex as why should i? if he find me unattractive like i gave birth 6 months ago plus 3 other small kids and i barely have time to work out… the thjng that hurts the most still would be that he even have thoughts of it or fantasies makes me sick and have not look at him the same.. plus it would be a embarrassment to his family if he secretly does this and cheat on me ill be sure to tell his family the truth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
You might want to look into your legal recourse in the case of a divorce without consulting him.

After all, he didn't communicate with you about swinging..


Maybe it's nothing but curiosity but his poor treatment of you is concerning and lends credence to his intentions about swinging.

Cover your bases and protect yourself and your children just in case.

Romantic women are a treasure and I'm so sorry your husband seemingly has squandered and disrespected his good fortune.
Women, who are romantic about their husbands, are high value women.

You have great worth. Please take measures to protect yourself and your children just in case.
Thank you for this.. i cry after reading this because it’s so hard to keep it in and not tell anyone and thank you for making me feel special 😢😢😢
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Wow this is terrible. And I'm not even talking about the swingers page!
That man has zero respect for you as a woman, or as his wife and mother of his kids.

Do you want them growing up acting like him?

And yea...the swinging thing looks bad too.
Thanks, im kind of stuck at the moment bwing a sahm looking for work again planning to get my own separate bank account and get myself being independent again and prepare if we ever separate..
 

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Thanks, im kind of stuck at the moment bwing a sahm looking for work again planning to get my own separate bank account and get myself being independent again and prepare if we ever separate..
Definitely get your own bank account, you can do that right away.

You should also check on women's shelters and churches in your area that might provide assistance to you.

I agree with @ConanHub , you are special.

Don't let terrible people like your husband tell you (or treat you) differently. It's a lie straight from hell.

Get help for yourself right away and take good care of those babies.
 

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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
I think maybe it's time that you showed your kids that they shouldn't put up with bad behavior from their spouse. And if there's just nothing left there except him being critical and cheating, probably the best thing you can model for them in that situation is leaving. Otherwise they learn they can either do anything and get away with it or that they should put up with anything.

Sorry you're in a bad situation.
 
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I will also add that I was in the swinging lifestyle for about 10 years and was on a variety of swinger sites and forums.
The vast majority of guys on there are just dreamers and wannabes and guys who watch too much porn and think they can get on there and find some porn chick that will blow them out of the blue.

a lot just want to check out pictures. Some couples are there to see if they can find any nakey pictures of their neighbors.

a few are tire kickers trying to see if they can work up the courage to actually do it.

And there are a good number that do give a try but fail and aren’t able to actually make it happen because they don’t have the temperament or the social and relationship skills to connect with other people while still maintaining a marriage. And quite a few guys are just too fat and unattractive to actually attract any women in the lifestyle.

my honest guestimation is that probably less than 10-15% of the people on any given swinger website or forum are actually bona fide active swingers that are actually meeting people and having any sort of actual sex.

the rest are dreamers and wannabes and nonhackers.
I admit a part of me is curious about finding a FWB for the purpose of joining in the fun. Another swinger friend mentioned to go in with a female.

Not attached anymore so I can do what I want, but now you make it sound so bleh
 

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I admit a part of me is curious about finding a FWB for the purpose of joining in the fun. Another swinger friend mentioned to go in with a female.

Not attached anymore so I can do what I want, but now you make it sound so bleh
You'd have a million times more luck on a regular single's dating site or app or going out and meeting people in real life. Single men trying to hook up in the swing lifestyle are not even as popular as industrial sludge.

That's why I don't think the OP's husband is anything more than a dreamer and a choad.
 

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You'd have a million times more luck on a regular single's dating site or app or going out and meeting people in real life. Single men trying to hook up in the swing lifestyle are not even as popular as industrial sludge.

That's why I don't think the OP's husband is anything more than a dreamer and a choad.
Exactly why my swinger friend told me to bring a female lol

I'm more curious of this out of boredom, I'll likely not even go in unless I'm drunk 😅
 

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Exactly why my swinger friend told me to bring a female lol
Guys try that and it rarely works. Once people find out you're not an actual couple (and they will) they will try to get with her and will probably even ask you to leave.... but have her stay.

And why would any gal want to be some other guy's ticket? A woman has more options and opportunities on her own.

That's why the OP's husband is just dreaming and doesn't really stand a chance.
 

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Guys try that and it rarely works. Once people find out you're not an actual couple (and they will) they will try to get with her and will probably even ask you to leave.... but have her stay.

And why would any gal want to be some other guy's ticket? A woman has more options and opportunities on her own.

That's why the OP's husband is just dreaming and doesn't really stand a chance.
Hey it was my (female) swinger friend who suggested it :LOL:

Of course it wouldn't be a girl just for a ticket, but a FWB who shares the interest who is also curious about ENM.
Not saying to grab one and immediately take her there, but if the opportunity ever presented itself, who knows.

But if it's that uninviting than probably not lol
 

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Maybe I misread 😳...You haven't had sex with your husband for 3yrs ?

Just playing devils advocate. What exactly do you expect him to do ? Just remain in a sexless marriage ?

Maybe he was just looking at swing sites just to curb his appetite. ?

His treatment of you is absolutely 💯 % wrong.

Yet I wonder , is his treatment of you , a symptom of a sexless marriage?

Seems like a lot more is going on in your marriage than you have stated 🤔
 

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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
Ah, so you're falling out of love with the guy and want us to validate your "feelings"? As a man, I can tell you that the reason your man even contemplates watching porn or looking at swinger sites is because he is not getting enough sex. Are you really "fat"? Or, at least, are you in bad health to the point that it affects your sex life?
 

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Wow.. im beyond shock saw on my husband’s phone browser he was on a swinger forum page it was so quick i didnt see if it was a porn forum Or if he is really into being a swinger, the topic was about what kind of porn do you like to watch.. i see my husband as a good father not so much a good husband to me as he has some narcissistic characteristics and he calls me fat and tells me im unattractive.. hurt my feelins, gives me the silent treatment.. he is a religious and cultural guy talk nice to his family and showoff to his family but he treats me so bad soemtimes it hurts and im shock he is even on a forum like that.. it disgust me if he even daydream think to have sex with someone’s esle wife and me with thier husband.. yall i cannot look pass this i dont wven know how to approach him and its been 4 days and im just disgust at it.. i feel so gross out i dont know how i can look at him the same…im a hopeless romantics and he is not giving me any loving romantic feelings anymore im just hanging on day by day for my kids…. :(
Why do you think he wants you in all of this???
Looks to me like he is looking for ways to sleep with other women (and men?).

What you describe doesn't sound he is into you.
The way he treats you tells me you should work ob leaving him and not bother about his online sexual activity.

Don't fool yourself believing your problems in marriage or bed are based on him wanting to become a swinger and that he still loves you and that he is dreaming about you participating in it.

There is nothing to approach except starting to accept 'he isn't into you' anymore. Has nothing to do with his interest in swinging.
 
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