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Saving Relationship Thesis

Any time I give relationship advice I hate to say one thing. This is not worth saving….

The one time I always suggest break up is if a partner is physically abusive. Never stay with a partner that hurts you or shows signs that they might hurt you.

So what can you do? Everything.

First you need to honestly look at yourself. Forget what your partner did. What is it that they don’t like about you or what you did or who you are. Most problems take two. Talk with someone that is objectionable. You would not believe how many people have laid the blame on their partners then over time and a good talk found they shared in the blame too.

So how do you save your relationship with the most important part of any relationship.

I) Communication ~ If you don’t talk to your partner then you can’t make the first step to fixing the problem. Open up and talk to them.

A) Calm ~ Always remain calm. If you yell so will they. Yelling makes a person more defensive. If they are defensive they are less likely to want to except you. Most rational people will not continue to yell at a person that is calm. They will calm themselves or they will storm away. Either way it keeps from putting more wood on a blazing fire and may take the edge off.

B) Clarity ~ A relationship isn’t about guessing. Be clear with what you want and where things are going.

C) Truthfulness ~ Don’t lie to get them back. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. Say you have a issue with a short temper. Instead of saying you will be going to anger management, go then tell her and for Pete’s sake keep going.

No matter how much you improve things it takes being caught in one lie, no matter if you mean it or not, to erase all the good you have done. Truthfulness is the path to trust. Trust is the path to closeness.

For every lie you tell, you need to have one thousand truths to erase it. It takes two to three months to fix one lie. So don’t lie.

D) Openness ~ Don’t think your partner can read your mind. You might be like one but they can not know everything going on inside of you.

E) Negotiate ~ Don’t think that everything has to be your way. Sometimes you can settle in the middle and have it work better. When my wife wanted to go to college we got into an argument. Not because I minded her going because I was not a part of the solution. Her choices affected me and the family. I wanted to have a say in what times and where. Once we negotiated this things worked out well.

II) Team work ~ Remember at all times you are a team. Your partner should be the most important part of your life other then children.

A) Quality time ~ I hear so many people that spend time together and yet get nothing out of it. Make each minute count for something. Find out how their day was. Ask how they are feeling. A fun question to ask is (What are you thinking about right now?).

1) Meals ~ Eat together and talk about your day and ask about theirs. Plan things during this time or talk about a shared interest. Both like religion talk about it over supper.

2) TV ~ Use the time to cuddle. Take a blanket and tell your partner it’s been a long time since we cuddled together and I miss that.

3) Exorcise ~ Be a part of the solution in being in shape. If you don’t do anything now offer to take a walk with the family. Nothing bonds like throwing a kid on your shoulders and exploring the neighborhood together. Use the time to talk about the family plans or how the school year is going.

4) Shifts ~ My wife and I are on opposite shifts and always have been. But as she wakes up and gets ready for work we talk about my day. When she comes home and wakes me up I ask about her day.

5) Games ~ Do you play the same games or hobbies? Why not, you should at least try them.

B) Share responsibilities ~ One person can not be expected to do everything. Help out when ever you can.

III) Resolve ~ Everyone has issues and problems but it is all in how you resolve them.

A) Communicate the issues.

B) Admit were you are wrong.

1) Ask for forgiveness.

C) Explain how you feel.

D) Fix issues with haste, the longer they fester the worse they seem.

E) Listen to your partner and their concern.

F) Stonewalling never helps solve a problem.

IV) Enrichment ~ Every relationship hit’s a point where mundane life creeps in. You better bet your partner remembers when things were new and exciting. Do something about the mundane. Try new things, get involve in your partners life. Start new hobbies together. Share your interests.

V) Plan ~ Very few people enter into a relationship without thinking this is until I find something better. Plan together for the future and manage the crisis at hand with future goals.

VI) Intimacy ~ As you continue to build your relationship you need to build intimacy as well. This is a long term goal and more then just a band-aid fix. You want to get a relationship back to working well.

A) Pillow talk ~ One thing a couple can share is the tender moment of pillow talk. The bed can be more then for sex or sleep. It is a time when you are closest to a person and they are least likely to anger with you. It can include honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadness as well as hopes and dreams

B) Sex ~ Nothing says forgiveness like sex. But sex is the easiest cope out to intimacy. Make sure you have time to cuddle in the aftermath. Make them feel special. Never pressure them into sex. There can be no healing through sex if they think it is a chore.

VII) Maintenance ~ Keep yourself well groomed, and hold up your self-respect and self-esteem. If you are fixing things you don’t want to continue to look your worst. You want them to see you still have the inner strength to fight for the relationship.

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